Humanity Pages

Sara Hacala: Author

2011-12-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

I don't do New Year's resolutions, though for the purpose of a common cause I will follow and advise an implementation that was not outwardly suggested in Ms. Hacala's book: one for each corresponding week of the year (52). The absence of a suggestion is a very nuanced form of politeness, true to Ms. Hacala's upbringing, background, and character that is effectively mirrored in how she lays out what anyone would require in directly and personally changing the world, one person at a time, one simple act at a time.

The book is called Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude, and Attitude for a Polite Planet. It could not be more timely; it is the missing link to what is required to save us globally on many levels.

Ironically (or not), the award winning documentary Waiting for Superman which focuses on the educational system in our country also targets how the system here has declined (thus our national strength) from the absence of quality education, from which how children, teachers, and parents relate to each other cannot be extricated from such elements in effective communication that leads to the full spectrum from which all social actions evolve and are reflected in our media, technology, political actions, economics, and all forms of violence that result from verbal aggressiveness. This brushstroke does not do justice to the principles from which Ms. Hacala draws her dots that can all be connected from the same origins, carried out in daily life from schools to street communication to traffic to public policy, the workplace, and our government. It is fascinating to read how far back the stories go that have led to what can be consciously reversed, just in the way we communicate.

More will be discussed here on this topic and the book itself in this post. For now and in wishing all a prosperous and peacefull New Year I will simply commit to the same also being featured one year from now in review of what has taken place one week at a time. I you'd like one of the best resolution books of the year while your holiday time concludes, Saving Civility is a recommended best pick.

Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude and Attitude for a Polite Planet by Sara Hacala

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Timing is everything. Met Sara personally at one of her signings just in time for the New Year. I don't make New Year's resolutions, though given that there were 52 transforming points Sara deftly and extensively researched in each of her highlighted short chapters/points, there are also 52 weeks in the year...

The book (available in softcover) provides an ideal platform for both self transformation and 'one at a time making a difference in the world'. Focused, it takes around three weeks of deliberate concentration to add(self improvement)or get rid of a habit (general well-being), according to Mark Victor Hansen and his colleagues (1+1 = 11).

The information provided is both informative and practical. The fringe benefits provided by the author's historical backgrounds of human interactions is as fascinating in the beginning of the book as are what she continues to provide in each of her continuing points throughout the book. Highly recommended. Thanks, Sara; looking forward to staying in touch... JM

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'My Kilimanjaro'

2011-11-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

Current wisdom in certain 'enlightened circles' says things are just as they should be, which I continually question and challenge when it comes to children, women, and those who needlessly and helplessly suffer at the hands of others through either confinement, culture, politics, condoned oppression in general, and laws that are either nonexistent to protect them or completely ignored when they do exist. That's it in a nutshell. Realizing this first hand the hard way has taken life in a direction previously unimaginable. I'll be doing this in one form or another for life; it would be a miracle to go away in my lifetime if I survive into old age, as what goes on in this country alone that gets kept out of the media is a life's work of itself.

The same principles that apply to a documentary movie such as Inside Job apply to all systems in this country today. Those of the other party demonize the current administration's inability to make much progress or allege worse. Those of the same party say it was sabotaged, bought, and paid for before the president took office, leaving him to function with one hand behind his back and hopping on one leg at best. The truth is it began long ago and has taken any moral or ethical model once claimed to one of all but complete non-credibility elsewhere on the globe. The country has sold out its own and created a culture so entrenched in the darkest forms of capitalism that there is a monetary value on every human life. People are defined by either their income, 'net worth', or status to be bought or sold in the marketplace.

There are slave trades and trafficking as well here almost no one hears about. The other forms of trafficking are abuses of law that keep people employed, such as children in the juvenile justice system who get or remain locked up to keep prisons open and their staffs working to the tune of over six figures per child per year when treatments appropriate for them cost a fraction of that.

Those in the system without a conscience keep an income by exploiting children and robbing them of their childhoods and futures from extended and inappropriate litigation so that the person who is either "worth" or pays more is permitted to control the process either outright or they are parroted by those who claim to represent children. Anything written down can be completely fabricated as on a child's behalf when the words were paid for by either questionable sources or unregulated misallocated yet claimed funding streams against both the child and any other family "worth less". A child's life can be placed in ongoing danger, 'sold' to the one with 'the most'. It happens every day somewhere in this country.

The work seems to have only just begun. This leaves similar practices in the rest of the world for others to take on, as many have. There are countries where women and other family members remain property. Without going into detail, which may be elsewhere in this blog, constitutionally people are still property in the U.S. or it's treated as such in practice. Day after day someone says they thought they were alone in their experience or what was happening as unthinkable was only happening to them. They are either isolated, unable to reach out for help, or have extended themselves as a last resort only to discover those in 'helping' positions can either only do so much or what they're in for could take years, if they survive.

That's the broad brushstroke. I've taken a position to record for others what no one told me when it may have helped more. It's become an enterprise that will be part of a legacy I've carried on from my grandfather and other inspirational family members of the past two generations. It's a purpose that's chosen, as all purposes are. Part of the mission is to let others know to pick a purpose sooner rather than later. It often comes from tragedy or the same of someone close to you, which seems to be the way of human nature. Those who have not faced death or the prospect of something close to it in one or more lifechanging moments often go about life letting it 'happen to them', as opposed to making life happen for themselves and others, all in a good way. Those without a voice that's heard as things are for them don't deserve life taken from them; giving them a voice is a purpose.

The next step is to exemplify this not only in daily life. To take a physical form outside of one person in many forms serves to provide symbolism, comfort, inspiration, tools, and ideas to those able to reach out and take action on behalf of themselves and others in forms limited only by their collective imaginations. In other words, to provide a platform for something limitless that grows exponentially into the next generation so that it may thrive can keep someone alive.

According to Inside Job, this generation is the first in history to have less than the one before with a fewer practical tools for building positive prosperous lives at their disposal despite what advances in technology continue to occur. Access has a price, too. Many take it for granted. They're not just the 1%; they're a big chunk of the 99% who aren't all bad, yet not all good either. That's common sense, which is also a gift that not everyone has. A person without a conscience or common sense can get far in the world with others' resources without looking back or caring who has been harmed by their actions; it's just all in a day's work for them. Many don't leave the planet happy or having known how to live other than taking from others, which isn't a life for a human. Parasites and cancer take life as well; it's not much different in the grand scheme of things.

To understand and appreciate good, many say evil will always exist somewhere. If it went away completely we will have created our own heaven. Unthinkable? Maybe not in my lifetime; maybe someday. Maybe because of something we did, collectively, by choice. To stand at the top of Kilimanjaro is not a goal for me; inspiring someone else to want to is imaginable. What they inspire others to do is limitless. Causing such a chain reaction is a legacy. Reversing the negative domino effect that exists today in such a way is the mountain for me. I'm grateful to still have the legs for it, now and for as far as they'll take me and those I can include.

Anniversary

2011-10-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

Looked in other posts for this same month for the life of this blog; it has to have been mentioned before, though not necessarily.

On this day twelve years ago someone else was told besides my mother a child was on the way. A blessing, a gift, an intervention.

That child is out for the holiday tonight, dressed as Homer Simpson. The temperature is only slightly cooler than the night was when the announcement of his upcoming birth was made. It seems like a long time ago, though some feelings are like yesterday.

He is the inspiration for everything now, having given life a new purpose just by existing. His personality and natural gifts are still developing, yet already he's exceptional, and not just because of who he became the child of.

It was in another post my inability to speak when he made one of the most profound statements I've ever heard to the effect that no matter who or when he was born to, he would have been the child I had, regardless of when, how, or with whom.

He probably doesn't remember saying that now, though I will remind him. I'm not sure he realized what he was saying then, or where it was coming from. He's too far away now, geographically that is. It can't last long. It has tested our bond, yet more of concern are the realities of the way things have been that do not recognize why there has been so much that's presently not only unnatural. It's a test of strength and nature, imposed by flawed humans blind to all but potential profit.

Children are not commodities, yet they're traded every day with no regard to what may be imposed or await; how it affects the child and family irreversibly under even bearable circumstances, as if there was such a thing when profit trumps human life. It happens in this country in less obvious ways than the media allows common households to see.

So every year when this day rolls around is bittersweet. What happened within the week after the announcement, and in the years that followed have taken more than one life in a completely different direction. The child has not been the centerpoint, or there would be more health, peace, and sense of family, for everyone involved.

Entitlement and conditioning blinds some that others exist that their decisions and arrogance affect, which cannot last. Elitism that what one must have or control above all else and at the expense of others also goes against nature and must diminish and bring to the forefront those they have sought to diminish, in the short term, only for nature to eventually bring the lesson around at some point. A childhood cannot be lost from the simple will and domino effect of poor intentions and incentives.

This would not be wished on an enemy. Part of the purpose is to bring it to light, so that other lives will not be bartered, sold, or diminished.

The child remains the light, with a soul that's true, a representation for what comes next: their legacy. In the tradition and by the example of those he is familiar with yet hasn't met, his life will continue the legacy of those who existed so that his life would be richer and that he remains strong.

Another day in another year, each irreplaceable, each significant, each a holiday, as is every day he laughs, smiles, and understands his own definition of love as it evolves with time, experience, and exposure to everything his life will touch.

Neurons

2011-09-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

The Nature or Nurture theory has for some time now been proven that DNA changes daily. In other words, environment is everything. We are all a product of our surroundings. In children with rapidly developing brains, there are billions of connections in synapses being made daily according to responses to different stimuli that can be either positive or negative, shaping perceptions for the future, permanently.

The absence of positive stimuli leaves connections that break from any past positive associations if not regularly reinforced. No stimuli to respond to causes the related synapses to break or die away, to be replaced by other connections that are more prevalent or dominant in the present environment.

This has recently been illustrated in The Secret Life of the Brain, a PBS video by a well know documentary director with a track record on many subjects not related to medical research or developments. In a provided interview, he stated the high standards in producing for PBS, so his reputable style transferred to informative, demonstrable images and stories.

In one form or another, the visual (a PBS DVD) has already been widely published in a significant number of related materials having to do with children, the life cycle, and the aging. The brain develops continually into old age if properly or positively stimulated. The brain fully matures as 'adult' at around age 25. Some associations or memories can be repressed, buried, or 'forgotten' (apart from disease) by traumatic events and other forms of conditioning that can be either immediate and short term, or ongoing. The latter is most closely related to environment.

A child in one environment will behave and respond one way, including physiological responses that manifest in overall well-being or health. If that same child is sent to a radically different environment where the previous positive comforts or reinforcements no longer exist or are drastically changed, certain behaviors and physiological processes begin to occur. Some can be reversed, while others cannot. Length of exposure is a factor.

The responses are textbook or signature of the developmental cumulative trauma responses in children, yet largely ignored or misunderstood. If a child acts out where they feel safe, as in school or with others apart from the environment that is the source of the trauma (where they feel unsafe and therefore cannot behave in any way other than what is 'expected'), where they must alone do whatever is necessary in order to survive, emotionally, psychologically, or physically, it is often regarded as the 'fault' of the environment where the responses take place.

The source is sometimes considered in schools, where the phenomenon is not unfamiliar and witnessed by more than one person on more than one child from different families. Yet when this takes place with a family member or in another home away from the source of tension or original trauma, the environment where the responses are released becomes inappropriately suspect. There are no witnesses to reveal the manifestation process of behaviors, and the original environment is usually either 'unavailable' or those who contributed to the ongoing conditions deny or additionally blame where the responses took place. After all, the child is 'well behaved' in a negative environment or place where they are afraid on one or multiple levels. The consequences for 'getting out of line' result in the child being restricted more with every small 'infraction', which compounds according to the number of persons 'enforcing rules' in the environment, or other 'disciplinary measures' that go unchecked indefinitely.

This creates high levels of stress hormones in a child's body in addition to the complete dormancy or deadening of neural or synapse connections in the brain associated with healthy responses, optimism, or an ability to think clearly for themselves. Not being reinforced their own ability or past coping skills that have gone unnurtured for extensive periods, all responses are about potential consequences or the source of stress and their likely reactions rather than an ability to feel at peace in their own choices.

Confusion, frustration, negativity, cynicism, weight fluctuations, head and stomach aches begin to surface where a child may at times be able to express themselves honestly with another caregiver or competent school staff member. Expressing oneself honestly often comes in the form of the releasing of repressed anger and resentment towards those for whom the child has less fear, as well as self blame and plummeting self confidence from long term influences of general negativity, inappropriate blame for adult responsibilities, and sometimes aggressive 'acquisition' of what is 'forbidden' in the source or more oppressive environment. Excessive wants and appetites result from arguments or insistence of needs for toys that are 'age inappropriate' to increased consumption that is a result of severely restricted food regimes or long periods between meals.

In many lives, these patterns become a permanent part of the child's personality into adulthood. Negative behaviors transform what was a previously happy, well-adjusted and healthy child to one with negative personality traits that mirror the source of primary stress and other forms of coping that became habit for sheer survival. Most everyone the child comes into contact with accept the child where they are upon any encounter with the exception of those who may have known the child prior to the change. The entire phenomenon is natural and understandable if the timeline of events and responses are appropriately monitored. Unchecked or taken out of context without knowledge of causal events, those who encounter the child do what they can with the behaviors or responses they observe at 'face value'.

Giving the 'right answer' to 'authority figures' is a survival mechanism. The consequences of an honest answer are either too frightening or the child has so lost touch with his or her own identity that how they may really feel is obscured even to them. Everything is to 'please', because their personalities or personal wants have become secondary to those who make all the rules that cannot be broken, or else. This cycle can repeat itself from one generation to another, when the models for adult behavior prohibit or prevent any basis for comparison of healthy collaborative interaction that isn't about power, control, or excessive acquisition in terms of relationship dynamics.

People become 'pawns' or means to gain. Children who have experienced both types of individuals among their attachments develop forms of self-hatred for feeling they cannot control what they have been most strongly influenced to model for sheer survival when desired responses become habits that repeat in their behaviors that conflict with their more positive inclinations or attachments that have not been completely forgotten or suppressed.

We all know someone like this, who was once a child. The ones with hope had early positive and nurturing environments. Those who have existed in negative environments from birth have been most at risk in our society. Conscience and healthy interaction have been all but completely absent for most of their lives. There are no associations in neural synapses for behavior about anything other than survival or collaborative interaction that includes empathy. Another term for some of these adults is sociopath. If environment is the source, the predisposition is more illustrative, when recognized and understood. It is less often that genetic inclinations play a large part, thought they also exist.

It's heartbreaking, and preventable, to watch the unfolding of repetition from one generation to another. Ironically, the education is accessible to everyone, yet goes unexplored by those appointed to children in times of crisis. Empathy or well-rounded knowledge on what affects children most do not appear to be required experience systemically where so many children go from at risk to mere 'statistics'. There is too much reliance on either popular wisdom, internal politics, or inappropriate monetary incentives that affect position retention.

There is nothing to be lost in becoming familiar with what affects our lives directly having to do with the next generation. Everyone loses more than feelings associated with peace and comfort from the neural level. Lives are lost, sometimes our own or those closest to us. It's not 'what happens to other people'; it's everywhere. To remain ignorant or blind harms everyone, and is only felt by many if the consequences are direct and explosive, when the timebombs have been in front of us all along.

Hope

2011-08-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

A mentor once told me along with one of our groups in the recent past that half the world's population cooks its food over an open flame without secure or full time shelter. Watching One Peace At a Time and the story of the Glimmer of Hope organization brougnt this into full living color, as I watched women and children's lives entirely sacrificed to walking hours daily just for water. No education; staying alive was the constant maintenance of a water supply carried on their backs, every day, all day, to and from. What they collect in unsanitary vessels is muddy and often ridden with parasites. Many children don't live until their fifth birthday.

The Glimmer of Hope organization is dedicated to creating wells and ongoing water supplies for such communities. One well costs three thousand dollars; the communities build them themselves with the stones or materials purchased, and they are then free to think beyond daily survival and sickness to clean water and opportunities for education. Those of all ages sit in the same classroom, learning to read for the first time. Lessons are in their language and English simultaneously.

The movie (2009) also brought to light that there is enough food in the world to feed everyone; the problem is barriers to access that are both physical and political. This is no surprise. It's the first concise illustration that included interviews with seven Nobel prize winners that we can in this generation collectively and deliberately end world poverty, without those 'in power' "losing" anything. It's a mindset, known as well. Gratitude to Turk Pipkin for this timely and valuable compilation that illustrates what other related or similar documentaries have commendably attempted yet failed to do. It was a collection of messages from the hearts of the planet's highest thinkers and scholars, with examples of what's working, and how to do more, simply, deliberately, and effectively.

In text across the screen just over a minute were how many children were dying of hunger as the text was read. As this is being written, every five words a child dies of hunger. The movie was also effective in its use of humor and pacing. How it can be cool to promote family planning education in an appealing and profitable way that also contributes to a community economy as well, sitting in the restaurant of the founder and owner who appears like anything but the kind of guy one would picture offering ample supplies every day of free contraception, making a good living, and having found or created a lasting purpose.

Have researched this type of world advancing for a number of years now. The filmmaker has succeeded in putting an effective number of best practices in one place, and shown that anyone who chooses a purpose can do the same in a noble and respectable way for both themselves and future generations.

What is the best of both worlds? Why do separate worlds exist? It's mostly perception. It takes more conscious choice to save more lives, and the film shows just how little collective yet deliberate effort is required to save lives and preserve futures in a short amount of time.

Yes, we have hidden problems in our own backyards, even in Texas where the project and another highlighted organization are based. It is another place we must begin and continue for our own children, with the rest of the globe in our peripheral vision, because there are also the storm clouds.

Without taking care of our own or pushing to have our country represent what others have, there is neither credibility or a firm position that our country practices what it stands for. An example is not signing or ratifying the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. The U.S. and Somalia remain in non-participation. Somalia has no government. Ours in many ways is systemically broken. We cannot be strong until what has been swept under the rug is brought to light and addressed. Those who have been affected by unlawful practices know this all too well. Those engaging in it aren't fooling anyone, not in the long term. Short terms gains are acquired by compromising or permanently damaging entire childhoods or breaking families. It can't last.

Thanks for the movie. It's time for some accountability. Many empowered in younger generations are better equipped and informed than those who have contributed to the ruin left for others to clean up. Cable channels appear to have consumed and brainwashed most everyone in distracting their attention from how the world works.

Those working the world aren't watching cable; they're out preparing for what's next. When or if cameras come out for those spectating who have living rooms with TV screens, the ones changing the world are usually too busy to notice, though they're gracious enough to provide a few moments or practical wisdom when possible. There's no question who's really doing the 'living', so that more can live with health and the promise of a future of opportunity: everything every child has a right to, including their children, too.

‘Older’

2011-07-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

“Life begins at 40.” Not anymore. According to recent media proliferation, “50 is the new 30”. A life began at 40, for the first time: a child. No previous pregnancies (that I’m aware of); had ‘given up’ on the prospect of becoming a mother and was beginning to look into ‘alternative parenting options’.

Then it happened, or something started that would forever change identity and perspective. In many ways profound and significant, in others, disillusioning regarding relationships and the scope of ‘human nature’.

Purpose took shape, in a way that will define the other perhaps half century to follow. The legacy at work is merely a continuation of the examples of role models that inspired and created the most positive experiences that existed in childhood.

It remains difficult to grasp, now that taking care of one’s health has moved to the forefront after not shadowing the threshold of a doctor’s domain for nearly ten years. Most of the people administering medical maintenance are younger, doctors included. Some look older; others are obviously not. This is where not feeling my age begins to all but scream.

I feel just over 30; my body speaks otherwise. I’ve the energy to keep up with my child when fully ambulatory. By the same token the energy also comes from a young life that looks to me for inspiration, validation, and explanations of things he can’t understand. Most of the time, the answers are to his satisfaction. Most of the time, our relationship is deepened on what matters most.

The most frustrating part about personal ‘health care’ is the time consumption. In offices where you don’t want to be takes up days of valuable time that would otherwise be spent on further advancing one’s life, and the lives of all others affected, especially my child, for whom the quest was entirely created.

Those in ‘retirement’ don’t have this concern. I’m close to the age where going to a doctor has become part of a monthly routine for some, as if it were some lifestyle activity. I look forward so much to when it tapers down to what might be ‘normal’ for who I consider myself to be at this point in life: very active and someone who doesn’t look or feel their age.

When I was as vibrant as a few of the women I’ve observed sticking needles in, taking them out, or some other related function, it wasn’t on my radar that those I serviced would one day be someone like me: someone who was once like them at an earlier point in life. We don’t typically think that way. What we become when we’re ‘older’ is a transformation that is either an extension of an earlier life, someone completely unrecognizable from their ‘youth’, or something in between.

The unsettling thing is how quickly it happens. I can remember when my child was an infant as if it were yesterday. The joy was so overwhelming, and so fleeting, as what would not be wished on even an ‘enemy’ began to transpire, and it was all I could do in simply remaining active in protecting the precious and special life that had been brought into the world for a reason.

It became the protection of a life and a purpose: his. It is ongoing. He is not the same child before the negative forces of human nature ‘out there’ left an indelible mark. To dwell on it would be too devastating. Moving on daily is all that can be done, until the lights are brighter and the road ahead is clearer.

It’s easier to accept that those administering my ‘health care’ or ‘maintenance’ are years my junior than my child losing sight of his purpose from influences that have their own interests as ‘priorities’. He has responsibility imposed upon him that is not his, thus taking responsibility for things that are not about him, affecting his emotions, actions, and choices. It has become ingrained to the point of being reflexive: everything I took action to prevent what he could be exposed to, a broken system only exposed him more. He has become a commodity, an acquisition, a showpiece, motivated by pleasing those he must to survive on many levels when away from what was created during his earlier years.

He has not lost sight of that, though the longer or more he is elsewhere, the impressions fade. Who he is fades under the glare of ‘surviving’ at an age when he is most vulnerable. He is alone with unanswered questions and thoughts no one can explain to his satisfaction, so he doesn’t bother asking most of the time. His responses are signature, though no one sees or listens when it’s actually happening.

Exceptional children are reinforced consistently of both their abilities, what they can do in the world and when. In the absence of the former, confusion and internal conflicts arise; long term implications are not realized. All kinds of signature symptoms appear, that seem to be only obvious to competent professionals: those obscured from true protection of those they’re trained to represent.

The spinning is all for profit and status, and a young innocent life is the means. He’s not the only one. He didn’t come into the world for this. What’s done cannot be undone, though there is still hope. “What goes around comes around” has meaning for a reason. It can’t go on forever.

Those my age are established, having created empires that will long support their heirs. Most had lots of help in some form or another. Being everything to one person is not profitable unless a team is also in place. An example of healthy relationships exists, though they’re so rare. A glimpse and reference point is to remain constant, or another life could be sacrificed from others’ needs, that either come with a price, or can be bought.

The cause of true aging? Negativity is one, which isn’t me. Wasted time is another, also not me. Stereotyping on a systemic level doesn’t help. Apathy clouded by profit incentives doesn’t either. Being too affected by others contributes (not me again).

Which leaves what? The ‘forties’ in some ways were an oblivious blur, mixed with joy and unmatched anguish, all because of a child coming into the world, defining a purpose of his own and shaping yet another: keeping the former, among other things inextricably connected.

I’m not envious of those who had the kind of support where they could move ahead much earlier, like those who now stick needles and other things into me on occasion. I embraced the term ‘late bloomer’ long ago, yet didn’t imagine that it could only be beginning now. I’m now and forever a mom first, and all that follows is merely an extension of that identity, for a reason.

You may be reading this at an age a couple of decades prior to midlife. Know this: it will be here sooner than you expected. Procrastination is a luxury no one can afford because time is the ultimate commodity. A child to a certain kind of parent puts into razor focus the value of time. To others, it creates resentment imposed upon children for which they can neither escape nor take away the permanent effects. No ‘damages’ can compensate for what has been taken away, if or when identified.

Single or without children doesn’t mean actions do not affect. Everyone you come into contact with is either a parent or someone whose life influences the next generation, thus your legacy as well. That ‘wings of a butterfly’ ripple effect concept? Believe it. And that’s just on a ‘regular’ day, as if there really was such a thing.

Uncertainty...

2011-06-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

... is a reality, daily. We only really only have one day at a time, and making the most of every day is a duty for some, and unrealized by others. It can become taxing, however, when knowing this becomes the routine, and packing in as much as possible so as not to procrastinate and get as much done as possible takes its own toll.

I don't know when it happened, but it did; there are hundreds of times that triggers were set off, when having too much adrenalin in the system at an elevated level for too long had its effect. Statistics already in one way, there is no intention to become one in yet another way.

So the willingness to really live continues, and has taken on yet another meaning. It's all for my child and the next generation. I do deserve to live, and to have a good life as well, to be able to enjoy my child while they still wish for my presence, and perhaps enjoy grandchildren, too. If not my own, then others'.

I can take this, it's almost easy compared to the slings and arrows of years and months past. I don't understand those who thrive on news of others' misfortunes; there's enough to go around for everyone, and everyone can do something that others cannot. The world is still in a very primitive mode, where it could otherwise prosper in many ways.

The only dream now is real quality time with my child and family, as much as possible for as long as possible. For that to happen, things must change.

There's no reason not to think this won't happen; it's just taken so long, and so much. Mistakes have been made that have harmed others sometimes with no knowledge on the part of who was responsible for the domino effect. Others knew exactly what they were doing and didn't care. What goes around comes around? I'm not sure it's true or if it happens in time. The casualties cannot be brought back to life; the time cannot be replaced.

If it's all happening for a reason, I hope to find out before long. My child's laugh and smile are renewing, and make work so much easier and rewarding. Focus and concentration are of so much better quality when it's certain he's safe, whenever those moments happen. Those in between can seem like an eternity. He was put here for a reason, as was I, there is still much we have to do, together.

" Interest "

2011-05-31T12:44:00.000-07:00

My feet are on the ground. I've begun to watch as time permits episodes from a half century before when I wasn't even born yet the amazing talent of someone I've respected and admired from 'far away' for most of this lifetime.

The opportunity has existed many times; simply never thought of it until the writing became 'official', which is selected very strategically in terms of audiences and exposure in paving the way for multiple venues and greater exposure at a managed, momentum building pace. There's a method to the madness.

I thought we had so little in common before, apart from thinking the same things are funny. One of us was born with an irreplaceable talent to actually show the world what funny really is and somehow took the opportunity and initiative to exploit that talent at a very early age. He has helped so many with so much, if only to make more smiles happen; hundreds of thousands. It's an enviable legacy, from a living legend.

The other of us simply became aware of the former in elementary school, or after, to be accurate. Rolling in the floor laughing in front of the television as if there was nothing to worry about, forgetting whatever there might be to run from or be afraid of. I was transported to a world of other possibilities that had not been known before. No one else has ever had the same effect before or since.

It was all but completely unconscious. A seed was planted, and the memories carried me through difficulties, from simply watching television during more innocent times when the media was not so proliferated with things that today are more that keep people away from participating in life than showing them there's another kind of world out there where things can be discovered and lots of clean fun can be had. We were shown what fun could be by a master, born with a special gift, who could share so much of their talent and energy in the right place at the right time. Was the talent and timing luck, or destiny?

Showing the world many unique and irreplaceable gifts came with a price. I'm not sure at this moment if it has been worth that price, as a personal opinion from the source, not that I would agree or disagree. He has been given many more years than his contemporaries, for which I am extremely grateful, as are countless others.

What disappoints today is that not enough who are alive now appreciate the sacrifices of those who have given of themselves so much with more talent in their eyelashes than most who attempt the craft in the years that have passed since, and actually gotten publicity or made a decent living in comedy or entertainment who pale in comparison to the depth and breadth of those who carved the paths they take for granted, with far fewer gifts. Even more amazing is that some have become well known themselves by exploiting or packaging what the media currently sells at the expense of innocence, pure clean fun, or life affirming, respectable abilities.

What ever happened to exemplary? Where have all the role models gone? Even if the talent can't be matched, who inspires us to find and use what we were born with that can't be replaced? Where has that integral value gone, or why is it so suppressed in what generations since have been saturated with? Deconstructing this has become personal; my legacy will be taking it back to the future, or I'll die in the doing of it, content that the purpose was discovered from the inspiration of those like a master who had it and took it to the limit.

I'm usually not blunt, and negative only when absolutely necessary; the truth has to come out sooner or later. Sometimes the truth can be funny. It is when done well. And so few really can. There are never enough of those with that kind of talent. To expose the truth in a way we can handle it, while making us laugh at the same time or close enough to matter.

I have talent, though not that kind. I can expose the truth, though not make you laugh at the same time. Once in awhile I'll hit it. It's usually unplanned and spontaneous. In the right place at the right time, though no one could have known ahead of time.

There's still no comparison to my original inspiration, on many levels. It's everything to do with where I am now, and where he is too. Earlier I wouldn't have known what to say, or ask, other than the stuff he's already heard so many times from others. Why didn't I think to ask before? Timing. Also a secret of great comedy.

Is there such a thing as losing time? Often. When is it meant to be? I'll be pondering that question for some time to come. I see so much suffering from so many innocents; it's become part of what I do. A big part. It's been part of who he is since before I was born. Only when I realized this is a common purpose from different perspectives did the light bulb go on, as if it weren's happening for awhile already.

He had the spark that lit the fire, back when I was only a little pilot light. I didn't even know it at the time; he may have even kept me alive. I promised my grandfather's spirit I would carry on his legacy. Especially because he wouldn't have expected it. For this same reason, and in the same spirit, the candle will be brighter to have been lit from an original. Lights will be brighter because they were combined.

At this moment, it's nice just to know it's possible, and that's there's an interest in doing just that. It isn't happening until it's happening. I remain grateful, and look forward to being close to another great light, toward the inspiration of generations that follow us.

"Change"

2011-04-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

There's no such thing as 'overwhelm'; "If you want to get something done, ask a busy person."

Was just online for hours doing research after an intense meeting that involved conversation about misdiagnosed kids and broken systems. Having a plan is one sure cure for 'ADD' or ADHD on the part of both kids, and parents.

I find myself saying constantly to the kids I work with that if I'd had someone to tell me now was the time to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life when I was their age, things would be different now.

Parents don't want to be parents, and the ones that do get very little real support when it matters or the quality of what is available is all about resources and access to them. That was at the heart of the conversation. It's not so much about wealth or the perception of it as it is about genuine caring. Numbers in the form of people with a common voice can sometimes do much more than financial incentives that corrupt people, organizations, and systems.

There are tradeoffs. Access to information and preparation is everything, including implementation and timing. We can't control the weather any more than we can control others' moods, though how we respond to each respectively is everything.

There are things that happen that we're not responsible for; we are responsible for our reactions to them. Ignorance can precipitate 'bad choices'. Emotion or fear can cloud all best possible judgments, as can bias or apathy.

Timing is everything, most of the time. And children's lives tick away by the minute that demands huge responsibility on the part of everyone who touches every moment of their young lives. Labeling is no help if you don't understand root causes. Training with huge gaps in other disciplines and misinterpretations of symptoms of both children and cultures affect lifetimes. We are responsible for who we choose to be in contact with, and the quality of communication determines the quality of outcomes. It can take another person's life in one direction or another, for better, or for worse.

Think twice before you speak, and if you don't know, a delayed answer is better than a wrong one. If more were held accountable for the effects of what they say to or around others, things would be different. Some laws are worth no more than the paper they're written on: a result of a different or uninformed agenda. Laws are passed and ignored every day. Documentation to justify a bad decision: there are as many of those as there are appropriate justifications. It just has to do with where you're standing or observing from.

A child or person who cannot handle change is sometimes right, and sometimes wrong; what's the big picture? Where are they coming from, and what's going on in their world, really?

If you're not qualified to answer, don't, for the benefit of those both directly and degrees of separation away. There's always another way to see things, always another side undiscovered. Out of sight and out of mind is only a perception issue. When you are not seeing the results of your past and present interactions, they're still happening, and it's a reflection of what you've said or done, of what you knew, or didn't know...

Letter to Sun

2011-03-31T15:08:00.000-07:00

Hello, oh producer of all things light and wonderful in our world; I send you greetings, love, hugs, and kisses in whatever order you prefer today, or tomorrow, or yesterday;

You’re a light, wherever you go; rooms change when you enter them, most always for the better. You know your power more often than not. I hope you’re able to laugh as quickly as much as possible, and provide warmth of spirit for others. You’re always a gift; your existence was decided long before I knew you.

I hope this is harder for me than it is for you; there’s never been so much time before now that we haven’t seen each other. It feels very strange, and sometimes sad. If you feel I’m there whenever you need me, there could be some comfort in that, if it were entirely true. It may be enough at times, though not others

Someday there will be more to understand; someday it will be easier. Now just feels like the caretaker of your domain is doing their job, amongst all the talismans of where you came from. I’m the curator of your treasures, some material, some irreplaceable.

I’ve also not written you a letter like this before now. It probably won’t be the last, though the style will vary according to what’s going on. I hope sometimes what I send you causes you to smile or laugh; I do miss that laugh. Like you, it’s the best.

This isn’t typical necessarily of the way I write; just wanted you to know how close you’re felt at heart. You are at my heart always, part of all thought and conversation in one form or another. This the closest I can be for the moment to shouting from the rooftops how special you are. If I really did that, you’d likely pretend you didn’t know me, maybe.

Right now, just a hug might be good enough. I hope you can let me know if your’re hurt or scared in some way, for any reason. I promise to answer, or call you back as soon as I come out of the subway; please keep in mind that if you have to try to reach me in some way from a number I don’t know, it will likely go to message, so please leave one or don’t hang up.

Of course, wishing a hug isn’t good enough most of the time. When we’re apart for now, I hope you can feel a little better knowing you are the sun, and all that is light and exceptional that same way in our world.

Yesterday, today and forever,

Your Planet,

inhabited by flowers (especially daffodils: Grandpa's favorite), bunnies with floppy ears, faeries with sparkly smooth wings that glisten from your warm touch, and your favorite treats on lots of blooming trees and plants, including hugs and kisses from your mom.

P.S. When hugs and kisses can be picked from a tree or out of the ground whenever you want, what do they look like?

Written to a child far away who has related their environment is ‘unresponsive’ compared to the home where they grew up.

Manicure

2011-02-28T13:34:00.000-08:00

He wanted to do my nails. He had picked out an electric blue at the store we were in together and asked for the polish. He knew from our already expansive collection the benefits of nail enamel as paint. I asked if he wanted me to put it on myself. He said yes. When I had arrived he said he liked a similar color I had on; had taken a chance he might not like it.

He had asked before, though we were always so pressed for time it was too difficult to have that moment and get to where we wanted to go in time for the next hour when our time would be over. This time, he asked, and I was happy to be able to oblige. It may or may not be the last time. Not because there won't be an opportunity; he's just at the age where one never knows what he might want to do, especially if he might not think it's up to an image he's decided to emulate for the day, experimenting with many as his identity as an older boy evolves.

He came over to where I was and took his first shot; I helped by coaching a little on technique. He had asked me before during an earlier trip if I would do his: the kind of clearcoat he saw sports celebrities wearing in the news during press conferences. That was fun, too. Now it was his turn; we had time. His accomplishment was almost as pride producing as the model vehicles we had created together to date, with more planned. They were his creation, on me, to remember him by every day for as long as it would last. He asked me to take the rest to our place, for future manicures or other creations that polish did a better job of than other paints.

He said words in combinations he'd not said before, unsolicited, out of the blue; no one could ask or wish for sweeter expressions.

I wonder what he will remember or what will stand out when he thinks back on moments like these when asking to do my nails will no longer be a first choice activity. There are so many photos I can't look at now from earlier times, and lately there aren't enough photos for all of the precious moments actually seen. Like me, he doesn't like to pose for pictures nearly as much as when he was smaller, and I have to put the camera away when he objects.

It may not be the last manicure, though many moments are irreplaceable. The homework that's actually fun that he saves for us to do together; the decks are cleared until it's finished, and all finished projects and accomplishments are a celebration, as is being together. Every day is a special occasion and lately he puts it into words out of nowhere much better than I can. It's one of his gifts. He's managed to know his worth, or be able to express it without coming across as arrogant or overly confident. He just knows or seems to know he's validated, though it's as fragile as a day of bad weather that makes a triumphant day seem far in the distance.

I hope I'm wrong; the effects last a lifetime from what we've been through together that have crept into the subconscious and surface again when shared bliss seems too far away or inaccessible when the world isn't so friendly and there's no one who understands within reach. The peace is missing when in those moments when we're apart it isn't known when those feelings come and if he would know what he could do, especially when there's less time to think, and something must be done. Those precious little moments are the glue that binds the thought process that leads to security and an ability to act. The uncertainty is an unannounced storm with an undetermined date, with an unknown inventory of survival supplies or training. There can be no real peace for a child in such an existence.

Violated, again

2011-01-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

TSA NY: 2 Hands Up Crotch; threatened after 1st one, then again. 'Comply, or U'll B detained'. 5 legal ID's weren't OK: Laguardia.

It's also called re-victimization. Real victims are dead, or are they? Survivors are self-identified. I fall into the latter category, until it happens again.

Anyone who hasn't had anything worse or comparably 'bad' happen to them tend to call others 'self-identified victims', which can be true, up to a point. When violations over the course of time mount upon one another (no pun intended), month after month, year after year, the impact is irreversible, and seeps into the psyche, transforming one's identity, and perspective on the world. Reality is relative; every 'world view is different' there is sometimes no right or wrong; often there is.

What happened at the airport is inexcusable, the 'supervisor' had a sadomasochistic attitude, got off on 'power and control', insensitive to who she was groping or that exploiting her 'position' would set into motion further trauma from violations that began in childhood and continue to this day. It only comes back and becomes crippling when someone who uses the excuse of 'doing their job' imposes on the rights of others at will or on a perverted, sadistic whim, at the expense of a mother on her way to visit a child who has been through similar trauma, having disclosed what has happened in her absence.

What goes around comes around? Let's hope so, on both counts, and to all the others who project their 'needs', 'justified' in the false context of 'responsibility', onto those who cannot defend themselves.

Oh Crap

2011-01-06T13:19:00.000-08:00

Thought of getting here three days ago, still much too late to make the usual time: a sign that a state of complete overwhelm has been in process.

There's a double meaning in the title. My son looks at me as if I'm cursing when I slip once in a blue moon using only the above. Makes sense, as in schools any semblance to unacceptable language is treated as if the most severe is uttered as well. He rarely hears me using 'inappropriate language' according to school standards, which is even a tame remote substitute to a real 'bad word'.

Being overheard with similar 'substitutes' when I was growing up was cause for nearly the most extreme reprimands and consequences, and corporal punishment was also not prohibited back then, either.

Now, from where he's been, he's developed his own 'vocabulary' that gets 'slipped' on me considerably more often than any he may overhear from me, fully aware that it doesn't fly in school either, yet he can't help himself. The exposure has taken over.

It's a direct response to the times, though moreso where he's been that I haven't, and have no wish or desire to ever go, behind closed doors.

It's not discouraged, and he has no shield of any kind. I can see the pain in his face when it happens with others when we're together, yet he still tries to stop me from any expression of rightful dissatisfaction if a public tirade from an extremely unenlightened member of the 'public' becomes disrespectful of both themselves and every one else around them by spewing obscenities unceasingly, oblivious to all children, women, and elders around them.

When PG movies came out, the same was the marker; now it takes much more, and current ratings of the former are full of what was intolerable or not rated as such only a decade ago.

Memory

2010-11-30T12:25:00.000-08:00

This exchange with my son has stuck since before the last entry, when he wanted me to share his paper airplane skills. Prior to that weekend, we were in our home; he was going through a 'jewelry box', and the subject of old boyfriends came up when I told him what might have been in the box that wasn't anymore.

He asked why I didn't stay with someone who I thought I would be with 'forever', before I'd met his father. I said 'If I'd stayed with that person, I'd not have had you.', partially in an effort to avoid telling any more. What he said next left me silent, as I looked at him just as he was looking back at me. 'You might have had me anyway.' had just come out with little or no hesitation.

It's the deepest thing I recall his ever having said, and there have been plenty. It was if he was coming from another consciousness, direct and certain. Had it been someone else, he was saying perhaps that the gift that he is and always has been would have come into existence no matter what. The same spirit. The same soul. The same incredibly special boy would have come into being as who he is, my son, only a different way.

'You know,' I muttered to him when I could speak again. 'you just might be right about that.' He looked back at me in the same way as the moment before: something that reflected or I had noticed maybe for the first time, something deep within that was separate from just a little boy in a human experience talking to his mom. We were almost completely across the room from each other, though his eyes were both penetrating and infinitely wise, for lack of a better description, as if we were face to face, suspended in time. I hesitate to say or describe where his words came from, only that in a way I knew he was right. It was a transforming moment that was unforgettable, and if it were possible to have regrets on what we were discussing, they may have crept in then and there. It was in part an awakening, and it was shared, over as quickly as it began, yet unchangeable.

Paper Airplane Maestro

2010-10-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

Who knew (though why not), the skill of paper airplane craft would be a welcome challenge to my child. A lesson was learned after a lifetime of being aware of only the most traditional models, that there were a significant number of possible variations that could as easily become airborne, if not moreso that those with pointed ends.

As usual, he requested I watch the entire process as he demonstrated his favorites, one or two of which he had memorized and was quite proud of. I was impressed very much in addition as I witnessed the options of several forms he had adeptly created from the examples in a book he had gotten as a gift become aloft.

He later dictated his homework and as I assisted as his typist he created a miniature fleet from paper he found in the room as gifts for me. One that he had improvised as yet another original variation of his own he asked if I minded he keep, asking if I was disappointed that the more special one was not added to what he had assembled as my exclusive collection. I said I didn't mind; all that mattered is that he was satisfied and happy with the manifestations of one of his many talents, this one being the newest.

It's Halloween; he'll be a character of his own creation with lots of fake blood and 'scar tissue'. When he was a pirate I did his makeup. The black nail polish he originally requested was too much for him once he saw it applied to one fingernail; what was left along the perimeter of two nails looked appropriate from the costume I was informed would be put together later. This year for once, I wasn't requesting a photo, which in the past was not offered or delivered anyway. I might have discouraged it altogether if we had been together for the rest of the evening, though a boy this age has to do the undead zombie at least once, I suppose.

He always comes through in the overall; what is dominant cannot be done away with completely, so long as he stays true to himself and who he is: a gift, in a constant process of self-discovery, not afraid to show how he feels, whenever he can.

"Resolved"?

2010-09-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

This is the 800 pound gorilla in the room for many, me as much as anyone, in the environment I exist in most of the time. In another part of the country, it would be different, which is also a serious concern, because it involves a child, who, in another environment would behave differently.

It's more acceptable to act 'homophobic' (for example), so they adapt. They weren't raised that way. It would be unpopular or stressful to behave in any other way than the others around them that they wish to be accepted by or survive amongst, though in other places they're free to be accepting of others' differences.

To be accepting of differences in others that are not tolerated or acceptable, they risk being categorized or labeled the same as the unaccepted group just for saying its okay for others to be who they are.

So they 'adapt', to survive; in other words, they suppress their true feelings. The right answer isn't how such a child really feels, it's the answer they've been conditioned to think others want to hear.

So they swallow the truth, or say what they anticipate others most want to hear, to survive. Inside, it eats away at identity, and over time manifests the telltale signs of the suppression in other ways. The same goes for topics regarding race, religion, gender, spirituality, and on and on.

The result is inner and outer conflict, resentment, anger, acting out, self-blame, confusion, and buried emotions, many other things that surface later, sometimes sooner, in ways that cannot always be recognized, or called something else, based upon the lens through which the observer's experiences leave off or are limited.

The effects are life long and limiting in profound and far-reaching ways that last a lifetime. Unrecognized or addressed not only takes away a childhood and limits potential generally, it affects everything else as well, for the child, and everyone they will ever know.

Unexpectedly, the documentary movie Resolved and others of related threads illustrate the results of nature over nurture. Two young men of color by inspiration and determination are trained in a craft otherwise foreign to their upbringing and thrust into worlds where the limitations of their generation are deconstructed under all but the most unforgiving forms of conflict: what has become the 'sport' of high school debate.

From intuition and emotion alone, as they weren't born when traditional debate existed, they challenge what it has become, and appear to make a mark in its future. We share and relate painfully the emotions they encounter, despite their strongest efforts to overcome the invisible walls they run against in environments where what is taken for granted is put under the microscope, determined inappropriate and outdated, yet still at the mercy of the unenlightened, prevails, for a time. The movie ends as they embark on to college, transformed. This description does not do the film justice. One must witness their journey to begin to understand. A metaphor for the 'big picture'? Perhaps.

In another part of the country another version of the same 'debate' goes on: the "White Elephant" v. the "Brown Gorilla". Who 'hates' who most? Is there really 'hate' on both sides? Where does it come from? Why do we take it out on the nearest possible 'representative', who may not represent who we think at all?

Business proposal...

2010-09-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

Was due the only time that was 'available'. Had I not completely forgotten, time would have been made. Again, it's an indicator of a major shift and overwhelming moments during the transition. The lesson is learning to manage at all times, within reason...

Everything comes back to it's all about the next generation, and one child in particular in the forefront. Lifechanging events lead to more lifechanging events over time when there are common threads, spun into rope, that can become like steel.

Now

2010-07-31T16:55:00.001-07:00

No more time; not getting any younger. Life is too short; the time is now. Age means nothing. Jerry Lewis was right about one thing: underneath it all, everyone is nine years old. No one looks different from anyone else any more, all that shows is how evolved each one is, by what they say or do. My child is an old soul, torn between two worlds. Still working out the complexities of our intertwined relationship and how it melds with our respective purposes. He doesn't know his yet, nor would I. My purpose is to allow others to see they can choose much 'earlier' than I did. When my son is ready, he will either decide for himself or ask for guidance. I must continue either way; part of the reason for going on is my child, the rest are important as well, and will be included as they wish. I'm to simply be out and accessible, doing more than talking, accomplishing more than influencing. The latter will come with the former.

Better at picking battles, wishing there were none to decide between. Though that wouldn't be life on earth as we know it otherwise. The contrast creates the distinction between why there's so much effort and the potential rewards. Every single moment involves a choice. Like the wings of a butterfly against a breeze or flowing with the air currents. Sometimes it's all just timing, or so it would seem. Action, keep going, persist, don't stop. Keep breathing; 'the ability to take a deep breath' is checking into the moment of place, in touch with what is to be done, in the right place at the right time. Live well, choose, go, and be. In honor of one legacy, the one being created is only visible through what comes later, through actions and choices as small as the beating of butterfly wings from one moment to the next, until they all add up, and the mark in time is what remains.

Between...

2010-07-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

Two worlds, two homes, two existences. Apologies for being late; not enough of me for all that needed to be done, again. It will get easier; must stay in the moment and focus on the priority, therefore, 'blog entry' came in second once more. There are other factors, of course: different time and place to name just two.

When it's easier, there's to be no tardiness, only more exposure and volume. Fatigued to the point of mind exhaustion, for the first time I can remember, here. The physical can only take so much at any given time, ignoring my age or otherwise.

Missing my best friend, the one that's 'forever'. Filling the days and going home late, as it's not truly alive yet, or isn't when there isn't other life there, the exceptional kind. All is preparation, work is not so much a chore as part of a process with a goal.

Missed a deadline, because there's only one of me; it was for all basic purposes self-imposed, with witnesses. I would have been happy for anyone that made it, even if I didn't, unless perhaps everyone made it other than me, though that isn't what happened. We're all on the same team, so there's only the marker for what's next: re-defining where we are and beginning another day differently.

Always watching or sensitive to children, remembering mine when he was all of the ages that seem like only yesterday. He remembers as well, with reminders of pictures or toys kept that survived the 'favorites' and were not let go.

Waiting, or not

2010-06-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

Can't remember a time when my timeline matched everyone else's; my child and I are in sync: we don't procrastinate on priorities. Even without constant updates, it seems I'm regularly ahead of what others take time with, or I'm moving things along when no one else seems to be (except for occasionally not posting 'on time' when other things are being attended to). This is all only perception; my mind doesn't seem to stop.

"Massive Action" is part of a quote by a friend that is neither new nor old. I act like I write, in very long sprints, rarely if ever comfortable resting. There's no time for rest at an age when most are beginning to wind down, there's no stopping now. There are no options, only to keep moving forward.

Everything is so fragile, and timely. It's raining out. Pouring. Glad to be inside, though not for long. Someone is still uncomfortable, much more so than I. I feel them almost as much as if it were me, sometimes as much: the reason stopping or resting is not an option. Someone cannot speak for themselves. Someone cannot say what they really mean. It isn't safe to do so. This is more common than most are aware or think about.

The right words at the right time; the right information at the right moment can mean life or death, or at best an entirely different outcome, which can go in either direction. Uncertainty is only a given, what causes fear is moment to moment. Some claim it's all from within; having seen so much, even that theory remains in question. Those who have not experienced or remember what happens in childhood for many can only comment on popular thought. What's hidden is the fabric of the landscape, like the soil that holds the trees. Never mind the forest; that's just the surface. Seems only the unconscious knows the surface isn't all there is, most of the time.

So close; so far away

2010-05-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

Was in front of the screen to write on the usual day, and priorities that could not wait came before time ran out; the same for the next day. It's the first time every effort was made to be in the right place was made when just being there wasn't enough. One person having to do what no one else can do; things having to be done before anything else. Overwhelming. It may be the last time such constraints exist; I certainly hope so.

The last illness took a tremendous toll: unprepared, frustrated, not comprehending why so much time passed with little or no improvement. No chance for proper rest, no back-up. No nurse. No family nearby. Fortunately I'm ill so infrequently. Dragged myself here another day as another day still was not an option.

A bike tour detoured all traffic; the last two years and this one the route went right past our front door, where my son 'refreshed' everyone with his rotary-powered Superman watergun as they rode by. He's not here this weekend. He's far away, to a place I would not have taken him. He'll be back. He would be happy the race didn't have railings this year so that he could get closer to his targets with the water gun.

One year he had enough water guns for all of the children two doors down, so the bikers encountered a wet ambush. Only one other year was it cool enough for the water to be unwelcome. Today it was missed and would have been met with open arms off the handle bars. Saw a bike with three seats and helmet covers that looked like jesters and fish; lots of bright colors. I could only see them go by from the window, staying horizontal as long as possible until coming out for what cannot wait.

Every day it's something that can't be put off another day; feeling better would make a big difference. Where's my sense of humor? Congested in my chest, the kind that hasn't gone away for too many days now. Got material, and no energy to even sit up at home to get it all down. Where's the limo when you need it most? Where's the personal assistant? Where's the support? The results of years of effort? Any day now. Any day.

For Saysay

2010-03-31T11:38:00.001-07:00

There are things children understand (or not) at certain ages that are moments to be savoured. At a party not long ago I reluctantly or sheepishly agreed to do a stand-up comedy routine which was recieved with delight and eager anticipation to the event organizers as I thought to myself there was no way to know how it would go.

Turned out it was an overwhelming success with much laughter and applause with requests for not only an encore; it was requested again at yet another gathering. Time now does not permit exploring this now exposed 'talent', though the spark has been lit for later development, particularly with empowering children, which is a long-term commitment.

As today took place, I asked a known and cherished nearby person of minor age what today's theme should be. As we tossed around ideas, I was reminded of her presence at the very gathering where the 'debut' took place, going on to say my son (the inspiration for and author of earlier posts) had found one of my original real-life 'jokes' very funny, though not another, both that were on an online form that was filled out.

The one he found funny enough to laugh out loud to had happened more than once; the more recent one (a 'first original' that the attendees of the gathering thought was extremely funny to the point they wrote it down) he didn't understand.

I was grateful; his not understanding meant that for now part of his precious innocence is still intact. His age borders on vulnerability to everyday exposure to what might not be inappropriate, though preferably in a perfect world he would not know until much later.

By the same token, my young lady 'consultant' for today had the same response. For today, in a small way, innocence is preserved, and there is gratitude for this and all that others may take for granted.

Most important in all of this is the children, so the part that they found funny may not be new to all: exercising a 'right' in a politically correct way that gets attention and makes one memorable, usually for the better. The census notwithstanding, in the many other forms we find ourselves filling out when necessary or voluntarily, there are often questions that many of us see as routine, and some of us find rather offensive in the sense that we are all more than part of a group, culture, or population, to name but a few. So when I encounter a form that requests my race (optional or otherwise), when possible, I will choose "Other" and fill in the box: Human.

"The Life of Harry Houdini"

2010-02-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

"On or around 1883 a boy named Ehrich Weiss and his brother, Theo, started a little circus.

Ehrich called himself The Prince of Air. He did the trapeze. All the kids in the neighborhood went to see it.

The trapeze was made of broomsticks and rope. Ehrich’s mom made him a trapeze outfit. One of his tricks was picking up nails with his eyelids from the trapeze.

The brothers quit grade school, but kept their show going. Ehrich had always been into magic.

He and his brother had a magic show at the same time Ehrich was working in a locksmith shop.

He could pick any lock in the shop.

Ehrich’s favorite magician was Jean Enguene Robert Houdin. So Ehrich thought he could get his stage name from Houdin. He would add an ‘I’ to ‘Houdin’ to be ‘Houdini’ and change his nickname, ‘Ehrie’ to ‘Harry’, and ‘Harry Houdini’ was ‘born’.

Harry and his brother called themselves ‘The Brothers Houdini’. When they were performing in Coney Island, Harry saw a woman who was also performing, named Bess. Harry met Bess.

They fell in love and got married. He started performing with Bess instead of his brother, who kept performing, but never grew as famous as his brother.

Harry and Bess moved to England and Harry got work as a magician and escape artist, for a week. Harry’s employer said there were too many escape artists, but if he could break out of Scotland Yard, he could have six months of work. Harry never let a challenge go by.

Harry knew that most of London’s handcuffs could be opened with only two types of keys, and he owned both of them. At Scotland Yard, he was put in a cell naked with cuffs chaining him to

a stone pillar. The guards checked anywhere that he could be hiding extra keys, but Harry was hiding them where nobody thought to look. He was holding them in his throat.

Superintendent Melville assured Harry that he wouldn’t be getting out any time soon. But Melville was amazed, as seconds later, he heard chains and handcuffs clatter to the floor. Then Harry’s employer gave him six months of work.

When the six months were up, Harry and Bess moved to New York. They had two kids and Harry became very famous. They bought a huge house with a library with over four thousand books on magic.

Harry learned how to escape out of a straightjacket, but later on performed it with an added twist.

He would perform it hanging from a five story building. One time he performed, there were strong winds and he got pushed into the building and badly bruised.

In 1926, Harry was performing in Montreal, Canada, when two schoolboys confronted him backstage. Both of them had heard that he could take any punch. Before Harry had time to clench his muscles, one of them hit him hard several times in the stomach. Harry had a strong pain in this stomach that night. He went to the doctor and the doctor said his appendix had burst and needed to be removed, but Harry chose not to do it right away.

Harry should have cancelled his next show, because he was sick and injured, but he still performed the next day. He went onstage with a temperature of a hundred and four degrees, but during the intermission he collapsed backstage. He was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late. He was dying.

Harry died the next morning on October, 31st- Halloween. Harry was buried in the coffin he planned to use for his “Buried Alive” escape. He had fought death many times and he was used to winning, but this time he would lose.

I chose Harry Houdini for my book report because I’m into magic and Houdini is my favorite magician. He set an example for all magicians that followed him."

Dog Drill

2010-01-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

Have reached a new decade and made it for over a month now. Asked my child what to make this about for the month and he said "dogs". So the first thing I thought of was 'The Dog Whisperer', to whom I'm grateful for what he has taught us so far.

Had dogs when I was my child's age, and was not taught how to appreciate them. Everything is about the example one is presented with from which to follow.

We couldn't do his homework assignment on the subject this month, as the dogs we know are domesticated, and the former was for animals in their natural habitat in 'the wild', past or present. The wish to focus on the inspiration of the dog whisperer is a reflection of the impact instilled since being exposed to his work for the first time. 'Amazing' again, how exposure to something different can have an effect on someone, which can be said for a lot of things, positive and otherwise.

He wants a dog, it is his wish second to our having a bigger place, which he made his first wish of the new year with his new Stone of Dreams from a Disney show.

Didn't get emotional when my son made that wish aloud, though it would have been very easy to, or I didn't show it at that moment. He can still cry, though part of him is very different and it's better now if the tears he does see are kept to a minimum.

Anyway, our dog will be worth the wait; let the healing begin, and thanks to all the other angels like Cesar who live for and amongst us.

Turning the corner

2009-12-31T18:12:00.000-08:00

This time tomorrow, it will be another decade, another birthday, another turning point. This year is no exception in that having a birthday at a time when others are celebrating makes for leaving out the details of one's personal reality, for better or otherwise. It's not about age, as this has been happening since adolescence or as long as can be remembered. It's just too much at once: a birthday and major holiday at the same time, not unique to anyone who is familiar with the same.

So the celebration is deliberately a quiet one, known only by those close. Forgotten almost as soon as it's mentioned to anyone who might overhear, unless one is a celebrity. Still no regrets there. There might have been another child, though not the same one, who has been a gift and a miracle. As fragile as ever, who brought on the reckoning of another childhood lost, though not so much as others. Knowing the latter neither compensates for or lessens the impact when it's your only family, one's only child, grandchild, nephew, cousin, with their own precious life that passes in minutes, hours, days, and weeks that will not be replaced.

To some, we are not unique, depersonalized and labelled from the moment help and protection is sought. Categorized, stigmatized, triaged, stereotyped, profiled: our social conditioning, the biases of our respective environments, or simply social pressure, sometimes called 'politics', for lack of a better term. No wonder so many times 'no good deed goes unpunished'. In a different environment it's nearly impossible to imagine what happens to others, much less the long-term impact, especially early in life. For those who survive the connections and progression becomes very clear over time, yet those considered elders without awareness or knowledge continue to repeat history.

There is always something to be grateful for, yet for those whose loved ones are unaccounted for or whose whereabouts or state of health is unknown there is no peace. Not everyone loves children, not even their own; for those who do life is never the same once the completely unexpected changes everything forever in the blink of an eye, the stroke of a pen, an uninformed statement, all at once. Over time, there are many tears unknown or ignored, the source unrecognized. There are premature deaths, literal and of the spirit; personalities become completely different from abrupt changes in environment and exposure. And we wonder what is wrong with the current generation or the one before, as if it had nothing to do with the decisions of those who never touched them 'in any direct way'.

Perception is not what we see, any more than what we're told. The evolution of a spirit is only as good as its environment and support system in many regards, though not all. No child deserves to have their childhood taken. Looking at others through different eyes and listening to the words of souls without knowing where they came from one cannot distinguish between who is actually the child, as the most wisdom often comes from who is thought to be the latter.

So as the fireworks go off and confetti descends, the choice is to remain silent, for now.

Domino Effect

2009-12-01T10:24:00.000-08:00

I know you didn't notice, unless you were already a follower; I did it again, not remembering the entry day until after the fact, one day earlier than the last...

A big struggle this year has been distinguishing where personal responsibility leaves off and outside circumstances begin, on a very large scale. Call it a blessing or a curse, love it or hate it, when not in the tunnel vision of ‘survival mode’, I’ve been alternately criticized then praised for being able to see ‘the big picture’. To keep that perspective, and a sense of sanity, I seek out to read or listen to anything inspirational and uplifting, including stories of those who have overcome very difficult odds. Sometimes those who tell the stories are not those who have gone through them, though rather others who have become inspired by them as well, who can insert them into a text to make a point. Still, they are not the individuals who endured the same hardships, though they very likely and have had trials of their own.

The media often knowingly shapes our perceptions, though individuals can become extremely defensive of being ‘brainwashed’, for lack of a better term. It is the very thinking they are fed on a daily basis, the uncontrollable need to pick up the daily news or watch it on TV that shapes decisions and judgments. The ‘extremely wealthy’ in our society are largely not affected by what controls the masses; in many instances, the former are the ones who also create the media. Not only today is the gap between the ‘classes’ widening, what most don’t know is the divide between the ‘Haves’ who have consciences, and those who do not. The latter want others to stay poor, and their discontent cannot be satisfied by any dollar amount, thus the extreme rate of their incomes being spent on material trappings, clubs, perks, ‘favors’, and so called ‘self-improvement’ attempts that often abruptly become replaced by something else if any real self-reflection becomes ‘uncomfortable’.

Resources and those it can influence takes precedence over examining root causes that affect and harm many innocent lives the media sometimes tells us with a shred of integrity are in fact the casualties of self-interested decisions several degrees of separation away. Too often, however, we are pounded by the ‘popular wisdom’ that others should pick themselves up by their bootstraps, even if they don’t have boots, or lost them to a higher bidder.

Going to a job one sometimes hates, picking up the paper and coffee, allows us to become numb to how that job, paper, and coffee came into existence sometimes on the backs of innocent children, women, and the elderly. It’s shocking to many that there could even be a connection of these ‘elements’ to each other. The ‘other half’ of the ‘Haves’ will tell a different story. Our discontent and everyday mundane ‘routines’ become an illusion, a ‘shield’ that permits the madness to continue.

We didn’t create the paper (but we bought it and read it, and used it as conversation at the water cooler so as to get along and attempt to bond with the coworkers we are ‘forced’ to coexist with, who make decisions about others). We didn’t make the coffee (but we bought it, harvested from the backs of workers that include children, women with child, and their parents and grandparents in underdeveloped areas). The jobs we hate we cling to, knowing that without trading the hour for the dollar we are much closer to those who reach out with a cup on the train we cannot make eye contact with. The pay that’s never enough is squandered on the ‘necessities’ of newspapers and coffee, to have something to do during commutes so as not to make eye contact with anyone, lost in our thoughts of discontent, reading all that’s ‘wrong’ with the world, in the paper, that we paid for, that paid the ‘Haves’ without a conscience, that we complain are ‘robbing’ the ‘Have nots’, yet it has nothing to do with ‘us’…

A first, for here

2009-11-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

Just realized this moment there was nothing for the end of the month: a marker for the intensity of events that have obviously overwhelmed to a point of missing what has become such a regular observed detail.

On the same day it was as this past one: unseasonably warm and pleasant. No jackets were necessary when the news broke that a child was on the way, by summer of the following year.

There was no way to anticipate what was to come. The most beautiful blessing, male, against the odds for a first delivery of a certain age and what was thought to not be possible by this time. What followed was the usual roller coaster that goes with hormonal changes compounded by pressures from an outside world that was not nearly as friendly as where home used to be. There was no option to not accept and embrace another human into this life.

Most memories are more joy than pain, more pain than was necessary. Too much was missing in the form of essential contacts. They were too far away. Where we were was too costly. We couldn't get out when it didn't seem to matter, when it would either have been agreed to happily or if the news hadn't been broken at all, saying it wasn't working so someone could go forward with their plans to go after someone else they thought they wanted more, never knowing what was to arrive.

Who we make up in our minds is what we attach ourselves to; caught up in emotions and all that goes with it does not reveal what others see. We often find out too late that our loyalties were misplaced, our time taken, our lives compromised, exploited as means to another's end, as if we don't matter at all. Becoming part of another's short-term purpose until the next conquest that appears to offer what they think they want, if only for the short term, as far as they can think.

This was the difference between us: different visions, objectivity, consciousness, conscience, compassion, definitions of the same words so far apart from so-called reality. Daring to label the other as if entitled or qualified, practiced enough over a lifetime to convince others without question, expecting it to work again as it always had in the past, with whomever chose to serve them, consciously or not.

Now, more lives are lost or being lost, imposed by others just like them, not yet awake. The most vulnerables' voices are silent or not heard, though they will be.

Hawaii

2009-09-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Arrived this morning...

By Paul Curtis - The Garden Island

Published:...September 14, 2009 2:10 AM HST

LIHU`E —...someone who knows a flawed system when she is ensnared in one feels the need for "sunlight" on the problem on Kaua`i...

Jonea Schillaci-Lavergne,...followed her daughter to Kaua`i to be close to her and has organized...rallies to raise awareness of...problems in the state-run system designed to protect Hawai`i's youngest, most-vulnerable residents.

"...the public really needs to be more informed about what's going on on Kaua`i,...abuse should not be kept a secret. We have to put the sunlight on the problem."

The name of her group is the Kaua`i Angels, patterned after the Maui Angels, a similar group of concerned adults on Maui who are pushing for...reform on the Valley Isle.

While Schillaci-Lavergne's...rally,...in front of the...courthouse..., started,...people joined in at the Kapule Highway-Ahukini Road intersection near the entrance to Lihu`e Airport, and well-wishers honked their horns at...sign-holders...

Gatherings are also planned at...sections of...highways,...the day the group also plans to meet with Mayor Bernard P. Carvalho Jr...

The purpose...is to inform the community that...the Kaua`i Family Court and its court-appointed experts are not doing enough to protect children from abuse and...violence...

Child...abuse,...has become a national epidemic, and judges spend more time ignoring and suppressing facts and...evidence than investigating and prosecuting perpetrators...

Marsha Kitagawa, a spokesperson for the state Judiciary, said state judges are prohibited under the Revised Code of Judicial Conduct from making public statements that "might reasonably be expected to affect the outcome or impair the fairness of a matter pending or impending in any court."

Schillaci-Lavergne is undeterred. "I've seen so much...suffering going on. It's a problem everywhere,"...

"It's not a fun subject. I didn't choose it,"...of...cause to let people know about...the broken..system she says protects the abuser, sometimes just to punish the protective parent who reports the abuse.

A group of concerned parents who were unable to protect their children from abuse gathered and demanded a state audit of the Maui Family Court,...about the origins of the Maui Angels.

The Kaua`i Angels are asking that...cases be properly investigated and that the protective parents be allowed due process in court to fight for and protect their children from abuse...

Approximately one in three girls and one in five boys will be...abused...by age 18.

"These statistics are unacceptable for our children and, as a community, we need to end this problem immediately"...

Dara Carlin, who holds a master's degree and has spent 20 years as a child and family therapist on O`ahu, said what's happening in Hawai`i is both "disillusioning and disheartening."

She also totally understands that, culturally, because of the shame brought on families by the offenses, people are sometimes reluctant to come forward and admit that they have been or are being abused...

Ernest Sisca, a Wailua Homesteads resident and one of the half-dozen men who gathered at the courthouse, said he came to support Schillaci-Lavergne, who gave up her California home and career in order to be close to her daughter.

Copyright © 2009 - Kauai Publishing Company

http://www.angelgroup.org/component/content/article/22-what-were-doing/185-kauai-rally

"Angels" on Kauai successfully rallied on September 10 & 17, 2009; eliciting the support of the community who honked horns and shouted out, "Good for you", "It's about time somebody did something!", "Something definitely needs to be done!", and "Save our children!"

...These gender-neutral rallies were created to bring attention to...Court's indifference in addressing substantiated allegation of...abuse against children and the misappropriation of custody to the "abuser"; resulting in the railroading and eradication of the parent who "reports" on behalf of the child(ren) and/or takes action to protect them.

http://www.angelgroup.org/images/pdfs/090909_press_release.pdf

Testimony (NYC)

2009-08-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Distinguished Members of the Panel, and Allies:

We continue to watch fatalities in the headlines every day, many of which have either no history or background where the phrase ‘domestic violence’ is rarely mentioned. The press will include terms such as ‘separated couple’, ‘estranged boyfriend’ (or girlfriend), or ‘ex-partner’, though this effectively masks for the public that these are all crimes by those from abusive relationships.

There’s no established way to track if someone ended up dead, sometimes along with children, from returning to the oxymoron of ‘abusive home’ after being turned away from attempting to find shelter or safety, having found the courage to leave, many knowing the risks of doing so are great: the answer to the question ‘Why don’t they just leave?’.

The above refers to fatality reports. As many of our city’s inhabitants speak English as a second language, or are often traumatized on occasions when police officers are involved in incidents where death from attempts to escape is not yet a result, DIR’s (or Domestic Incident Reports) and police reports are written up incorrectly. Sometimes it is not disclosed or known that there was in fact an attempt to leave. Believe that it often is.

When there is some report in low percentages in contrast to the actual number of known unreported cases, the average individual filling out that form is a front line ‘first responder’, when it’s done at all, who is not a trained DVO (or Domestic Violence Officer). DVO’s, with few exceptions do not work during the most frequent times that ‘domestic incidents’ occur: evenings and weekends.

The officer often hands the supposed victim the phone number of the DVO, without filling out any report. It’s your guess how many actually call in later…, putting the children at even further risk of harm, when it is usually the mother attempting to protect them.

The alternative to not finding housing is potential or real death, in either returning to an abuser in desperation, or being found attempting to find other housing (including though not limited to abuse through the systems that have continued to fail to protect and further empower abusers).

The low number of survivors and their children placed in safe housing and high numbers of homicides or incidents of abuse that go unreported or for the largest percentages without police reports or orders of protection makes documentation requirements unrealistic and inappropriate, directly inflicting additional trauma by requirement alone to be considered 'eligible'.

Survivors seeking housing and safety in shelter and/or on PA must be referred to agencies where advocates may provide letters of their circumstances. It is most usually not possible to be misunderstood by or to misrepresent to a trained DV advocate. Police reports and DIR's do not address needs, indicate risk, or provide protection any more than Orders of Protection.

The extreme small percentage of those thought to 'misrepresent' will either not visit advocate agencies or not pass the interview or intake process, unlike the current process for making reports though 'law enforcement' (when done at all), which are often by untrained 'first responders', or between officer and alleged 'victim', reporting single incidents and not addressing DV.

Fatality reports are not representative of actual 'DV incidents', in order to 'keep the numbers down', though the headlines have also frequently mentioned no prior police involvement or no orders of protection in a number of deaths (also related to the unrealistic documentation requirements for more permanent housing).

If ‘domestic violence’ is not spelled out, it is treated as if it doesn't happen.
The deaths go up with budget cuts to preventive programs and housing options, while the ‘numbers’ ignore the realities. Is this the way the city regards our homeless families, who have been documented as 90% women and children as well as the #1 reason for their seeking shelter and housing now confirmed this year as Domestic Violence? The lambs are being thrown out for slaughter; we are all but numb from the headlines. Do you see the connection now?

For those that do survive the system, requirements for shelter and those in housing are obsolete and additionally oppressive, as if what these most always women and children have gone through weren’t enough.

The need or desire to work can be addressed by training providers or hours that do not fit a regular schedule or location. Assignments can be obtained by survivors of domestic violence who can put in work hours online or at varying locations in specific training or work situations who have been stalked by abusers or former partners seeking to find them at locations with 'normal business hours'. They can also be available to their children who have been traumatized by abuse or witnessed violence.

By providing survivors who know how to locate assignments the means to become established with an online business or flexible training or work locations and hours, we can potentially transform extremely limited resources to enable economically abused survivors a means to find their way back to safety, and even supporting themselves and their children.

The missing link is making the connection between those affected and those willing to help. This will also raise awareness to these and many other issues that are in the interest of the next generation, including seniors and extended families.

Documentation requirements repeat themselves regarding 'DV Advantage' and DV waivers in PA offices, compounding obstacles to safety for survivors and their children.

The 'boroughs of exclusion' in DV waivers, when granted, do not serve survivors or preserve their safety. They are put at further risk in any borough though current widespread technology where just having a cell phone on, unanswered, permits an abuser &/or their agents to track whereabouts, according to citywide law enforcement technical experts. Survivors have been dismissed without notice from shelters where abusers have shown up at confidential locations, without the survivors willingly or knowingly providing where they were. These practices must be eliminated; any one such incident can lead to more fatalities.

Forcing mothers to work requirements is an extension of abuse, where most are on PA either from economic abuse, shelter requirements, or both. Most are willing to work, so long as there is no additional risk to their safety or the safety of their children, though they are treated as non-cooperative and threatened with cut-offs or sanctioned when they resist practices that do not take into account safety risks without documentation, the acquisition of which can put them at even further risk or escalate threats or violence.

Addressing how mothers may keep themselves and their children safe with both housing and alternative work arrangements that allow for the 'required' number of hours while still being available to their children who have either been additional subjects of abuse or witnessed violence is critical for both safety and recovery.

With my child's permission: a positive experience.

2009-07-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

'How You Did': A Boy's Birthday Wish Fulfilled...

A First-Time Response to a Regular Request

At the bottom of receipts is often a feedback request, sometimes with an incentive for participation. Have missed out on many 'sweepstakes entries' by either forgetting or not enough time. This one warranted an answer.

This one was for a survey; there was nowhere to place this review, which is deserved on the part of the employees present the last weekend of my child's birthday month.

It was expected to write this content in duplicate to an appropriate place on the feedback site, though the boxes in the survey didn't seem quite right for this little story. We hope the staff eventually is rewarded for exceptional service: something I had no expectations of from a group of 'older kids' working on a weekend 'beach day'. For the low expectations, I apologize.

Had my son not had a fever the day before which carried over into that morning, he would have been playing baseball. He had wanted the same thing since the winter holidays: a portable game system.

'Life happened' over those six months, and baseball season took almost all of our weekend hours, to a point where just getting out to shop for the occasion of his birthday became an obstacle. For what was no small amount of money, I wanted to make sure that this was his first choice when the moment finally arrived.

"You didn't get me a birthday present, Mom." were words that stung at the heart when even the weekend that followed his actual birthday didn't render an opportunity to get to the right store following yet another baseball game and get all of the other unavoidable chores done. I wanted him to be present to pick out exactly what he wanted, not pick up what I thought was the right thing for the day, only to have to go back for an exchange.

He got to pitch for the first time this season; having run out of rain dates, the last game he participated in was in a downpour (which likely contributed to his low immunity by week's end). All of this 'game proficiency excitement' provided a distraction between that special birthday and the time that followed, though every extra day that passed ate at us both, in different ways.

On a day before the weekend he said again how he 'really wanted' the system, with that heart-wrenching, half-wincing look on his face as if it may not be possible, after so long. In that moment I showed him what I had just printed out from the computer: the current most valuable U.S. coins. After years and for the first time, his sealed bank was full enough to break for the occasion, and I wanted to make sure what survived, if at all, was keeping aside any coins that showed up on the list.

The next day he wasn't able to go to school, and pushed a little hard on the last day of school to be able to participate. The next morning, still with a low fever, knowing going to the game was not an option, the first words out of his mouth upon waking was the hopeful 'little' question: "Can we get it today?" Before he could see me, I winced this time, not really knowing how much was in that bank, wanting as much to have the answer he so deserved. "It's possible," I said.

Was so intent on the task at hand until it was done that I practially didn't notice that I hadn't made coffee for myself (incredibly) before picking up the very heavy bank and heading for a place to break it: our concrete 'mini-patio' at our back door, though not without a special boy's request to hold it to feel how heavy it was for himself. After getting a good feel for its weight he willfully handed it back to me and followed me into the kitchen, where I proceeded to lower the purple dinosaur bank into a plastic bag so that once dropped the coins wouldn't go flying everywhere, as he assisted in eager anticipation.

This could not have been put off another day; that the coins were not so much to the top so as that the pressure of the drop would immediately cause it to crack upon impact was not quite the case, so after a few tries, with the birthday boy making the first two throws from the stepladder, then handing it off to me to finish the job, after a couple more tries he instructed me to deploy the hammer, which did the trick. A couple of hours later, as we sat in the pleasant temperatures of an early summer day in our 'back yard', the necessary amount was divided into clear plastic bags by coin type and prepared for transport. I wanted to keep the ones with his birthday year that I had made a point of carefully including in the almost daily 'bank deposit' over time; my son insisted they go with the rest. After all, they weren't on 'the list'.

What I didn't share was how unlikely a business was inclined to take 'cash' this way; I was half-prepared and dreading the possibility of our 'legal tender' being refused, or at least negotiated with considerable effort that I was not looking forward to incurring, though was bracing myself to be very persuasively assertive on behalf of my child, whose birthday had passed without a 'real' present from me, who had a fever.

To dilute all potential outcomes, I prepared my young flush-faced (whether fever or anticipation was indistinguishable now) son for the possibility that the actual item he was looking for may not be at the location that was our destination, and not to raise his expectations to a level that would set him up for disappointment. We at least had what we needed; what we might not have was enough time to go elsewhere if the thing itself was not at this store.

Thirteen sandwich bags, equal amounts in each, were placed in the same heavy grade plastic FAO Schwartz bag we got when we made it out an earlier weekend as an early celebration in anticipation of his upcoming special day (with a couple of special token gifts for the occasion). With the lot hoisted into our weekend backpack, we made one stop to the library to return books and attempt to register the giftcard his aunt and grandmother had sent for his birthday that would make up the balance and perhaps allow for an accessory or two. After a frustrating too many minutes online, I resolved that beyond online purchases, a simple swipe should be sufficient, as somehow some portion of the very personal information was being rejected, which I had very uncomfortably and reluctantly entered more than once. All giftcards are not created equal, though I knew from experience that store purchases did not always require registration. This only added to my secret anxiety about the upcoming pending transaction.

"How many more minutes till we get there, Mom?", was asked three times as the bus neared the mall. I answered him each time to his satisfaction, until just a few minutes before arriving at the stop. After visiting the pet store and puppies across the hall, we entered the store.

We asked about the system (they had both new and used), and the pros and cons of purchasing new as opposed to the latter. One young man brought out two used units for my son to examine as one eye remained on the available game shelf that we were standing beside.

Following a short discussion and a very informed sales-oriented information session on the part of the young man, my son decided to follow the suggested advice and acquire the used though latest model that would also allow for the purchase of a game and an outer case. The incentive was that a full refund was an option within a week, whereas if he didn't like it after having purchased it new, it could not be returned at that value once opened.

Once his decision was made, my son quickly returned his attention to the game rack, knowing I would take care of 'the rest'.

Fortunately, the desk that the young man returned to was out of earshot from where my son continued to browse. With as much optimism and confidence as I could muster, I requested a manager (who was identified as standing closeby), then proceeded to explain our form of payment. Two (young) managers were in fact behind the desk, with two different answers. The second contradicted the first in the affirmative. Before the first manager could utter any protest, I quickly responded with "Great!", then returned to my son to help him with his case and game choices.

The first hurdle was cleared; no full breaths were taken so long as the card issue hung in the balance. It was not presented until each bag was re-checked by several staff behind the desk as having the amount stated, one coin at a time. Fortunately again, we had arrived in the lull of a 'beach day', when the store was not as busy as we had encountered many times before.

When the last coin was counted and the amount matched, it was time for the balance; I handed over the card, knowing even this young manager had experience in these situations. After a few attempts, showing little frustration, the manager who didn't want to take our money rather calmly helped in the steps necessary to make the card work, asking for what was needed (which I had) and dialing the right number to get a live person, in the Phillipines (yes, I asked). With the cordless in hand, wandering around the store as other business was tended to, it was less painful to give the same personal information under my breath so those around couldn't hear; it was finally 'the home stretch', as my son waited almost patiently by the demos in the front of the store.

Just a minute or two later, the receipt rolled out of the machine. The transaction was complete. The long awaited and much anticipated birthday choice was now my son's property. He was the proud owner of his long awaited system, which he continued to say almost incredulously into the next day, as TV was ignored over his new (used) high-resolution game that made his other player seem, well, 'less-than'. There was almost no comparison; the latter was not removed from his school bag the entire weekend.

Had the staff at this store responded as I was hoping they would not, it would have been a very different day indeed. My thanks and gratitude go out to these kids who surpassed my expectations; they deserve more than a few extra compliments from 'higher-ups'. With so many kids like them who have jobs at the same level who choose to behave 'as expected', those who go beyond that merit recognition by their superiors in the presence of their peers. In doing so, there's a higher probability that a little boy who was able to have his special birthday shopping trip go as was planned in his mind witness what older kids can do that he can choose to carry on, as opposed to something else that's all too common.

And not only this little boy, for whom I'm grateful. For many other children as well. Some moments that others forget quickly remain unforgettable to a child forever. My thanks for this day turning out the way it did. It was a team effort, and everyone stepped up to the plate. Congratulations; we'll be back.

'Acceptance Speech (Unspoken)'

2009-06-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

Not gotten my copy back yet, so it's not officially official (though perhaps for most basic purposes); was sworn in during a 'mandatory' orientation with a notarized document in the past few days.

What is official is formally offering sincere thanks and gratitude for your continued support and confidence in my abilities to represent the children, your community, and your school.

It was as important that as many as possible participated in the first ever national online election. I know it's hard to imagine, though I was as happy for any participation, even if I wasn't the one you voted for. You were part of history if you did.

I'm a very reluctant 'politician' and was steered in the direction of your district because of open seats. Honesty cannot always be best in politics, sometimes for good reason (such as timing, or the 'Santa Claus' debate, from someone who's found out or observed the hard way); what I strive for is to use as much honesty as possible in representing our children and communities for the highest and best of all concerned.

There's sometimes truth in the saying that "No good deed goes unpunished". Through trial and error and many 'hard knocks', with the help of a few seasoned 'veterans' I've gotten to know along the way so far on this journey, it is a continuing objective to keep the 'punishment' to a minimum. My 'BS meter' is pretty strong, and there's a learning curve to 'playing the game'. One thing I cannot or will not lose sight of is why we go through what we do. We cannot diminish ourselves by shortchanging the next generation, as we have witnessed a good deal of already.

Turning a tide is not a popular position to be in sometimes, as many are deeply invested in keeping things the way they are. If this were satisfactory for all concerned, I would not have allowed myself to be on the other side of the regular 'consensus'.

To have children seeing an 'older person' as their best friend years from now, that they learned the connection between what those who cared for them helped make what they have ahead of them possible, and much easier instead of harder will have been a life well lived and purpose fulfilled. One day at a time.

Our young people arrived to be able to develop the capacity not to respect those older than they are because they're told to (positively speaking). To have the knowledge and skills to discover both themselves, and the freedom it takes to accomplish that is part of our purpose as a community. It is in reaching that place that they can also see whom among the older in their spheres merit the future investment of precious time, to know beyond a doubt as to why, and maybe not because it's 'popular'.

If a child wishes to fill your shoes because of the example and legacy that was your life, we have all succeeded, as it is our environments that shape us, and the sum total of 'everyday' experiences children encounter with and without us makes us who we are.

There is no such thing as a 'little thing', and no such person as 'just a child'. Any one of us who was ever taught that in one of those unforgettable moments others made light of or lost sight of either recognizes this, or it shows or surfaces eventually. It is a wish that every possible moment in our children's developing lives offers opportunity, promise, and nurtures who they truly are. It is part of our collective purpose as self-identified conscious community members that the next generation has what it needs to do just that.

It goes beyond the thought of senility, where we are placed in the hands of these individuals when it's too late to wonder if what we did will insure the quality of care they are delegated to serve us, if some 'little thing' will extend our lives, or 'otherwise'. It is being proud in knowing that what we left will carry on not only through them, that it carried after them as well, as their legacy, from ours.

Not least of all, thanks to cherished staff and a few special others who continued to gently 'arm twist' and encourage until the process was 'finished', for now. You are all deeply appreciated for what we have in common that's all about kids, our purest and best teachers: part of why they're here.

LEGACY

2009-05-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

'Early' for the month in honor of my son's great-grandmother: my grandmother, who is being laid to rest as this is posted...

For Mabel Black (5/29/09)

Legacy:

Mabel Black was no saint; she’d be the first to tell you. Others would disagree. Not totally embracing the concept of ‘sainthood’ for anyone, it could be said she was above and beyond any ‘ordinary’ human. One would not have had the honor of knowing this perhaps, had they not known her well, or been her grandchild.

She was not a matriarch in the traditional sense, though some may disagree there also. She certainly wouldn’t have called herself that either. Just being who she was was special in and of itself. She was not ashamed or afraid and was entirely self-possessed: a true role model.

If only today young women could claim themselves as early as Mabel Black did; she was a woman who in many ways was scores of years ahead of her time, who lived to exemplify what she stood for. If girls today (or other humans, for that matter), found and claimed themselves or their respective purposes in the way my grandmother did, the world would have been a better place much sooner, though her legacy was infinitely meaningful, nonetheless.

At a time when other parents were pressured by society to join in marriage when an unexpected child was on the way, Mabel had already done something somewhat radical for her time, though she wasn’t the first. #1: she got a divorce, and #2: she had re-married before her first grandchild was born. Details aside, she had chosen in perhaps a less tolerant time that life was too short not to move on to a situation that suited her better: a lesson for us all. She was blessed to recognize the option, and seize her opportunities.

By the time I was born, with her parents, my grandfather’s and her respective re-marriages, and maternal grandparents all around, with no basis for comparison, I didn’t know it wasn’t ‘normal’ to have four sets of grandparents. Not only that, she seemed to effortlessly juggle caring for her aging parents (Carrie & ‘Larry’), me, & my sister (& ‘Mr. Black’) while my parents worked, as if there was nothing else she would rather do.

It didn’t occur to me then, of course, that she could have made other choices, or that the quality of care she skillfully administered to her parents and me were far superior to the highest caliber of any home care professional nurse or caregiver of a child, all at the same time, as the routine of the day. And it was all done usually without any hitches amidst jokes, smiles, and fun.

It cannot be left out that she had been a popular, confident, and happy child all through school and made others smile in spite of themselves just by being herself, without an objective to be accepted. She was also exceptionally beautiful. Both she and her brother (who passed earlier), had ‘movie-star’ good looks. I remember her telling me what life was like with her parents when her father ran a diner and what their days were like. They were well cared for and enjoyed what they had. Either she or her brother could have simply relied on their looks to get by. Mabel and French were made of different stuff, the substantive kind, learned from their environments and upbringing.

Firsthand, I can only say that this is the quality Mabel successfully passed on as her legacy to her own and this generation, as what has become a part of us down to our DNA on an unconscious level has come through as recently as her great-grandson, Emmett’s writing for 3rd grade. He could choose any topic; his subjects were about a girl being empowered and encouraged to be able to do what’s more recognized as what boys do, and the special bond between a boy, his family, and community, where teamwork and cooperation accomplish more and offer hope where otherwise none may have existed, where smiles quickly replace tears, and there is freedom and energy to help make more happiness for others.

This can be traced directly back to Mabel Black: no nonsense, in the moment, always taking care of what needed to be done with no complaints, and with smiles. Always there when no one else was: loving, strong, and with full knowledge of who she was from an uncommon existence that becomes exemplified in every generation in not enough measure for others to know and become inspired by, because she did what was right with no time for the world to be on notice of her unsung heroism. In this she was not alone, though she succeeded in her purpose: recognizing an option to choose and taking action with no looking back and no regrets. Having a purpose was a conscious choice: the one gift most all of us have in common. She now shares her space with the heroes of all time, not unknown to any of them, laughing and dancing.

In more contemporary terms, Mabel Black was not a ‘diva’, nor a saint, nor a matriarch. Throughout her lifetime, she was likely called many things. Any that were less than complimentary were simple envy for her gifts or the inability or lack to find in themselves what Mabel found in herself, and taught in her own way to every life lucky enough to understand the light inside, as she did, as she helped us find in ourselves.

What Mabel was she would also not call herself. It wasn’t a word in her vocabulary. She identified according to who she was to her family without diminishing her own self-worth: an accomplishment we can all aspire to and learn from.

Mabel Pearl Black was and is an Icon, a Woman of Valor who was successful in being the creator of a legacy. Mabel is now free to not only watch her legacy unfold. She can dance, laugh, and continue making jokes at the same time. Thanks Grandma, for the gift that was you in this human existence that will be with us always, forever, and until next time...

With Love,

Your Infinite Family (with a little help from one of your students: a granddaughter)

"My Mom"

2009-04-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

He wouldn't let me go, on a day when I had a meeting to get to and he was being picked up from school by someone else. I stayed as long as I could; it had been so long since I'd helped him with his homework on a day like this. We sat in the corner together between the classrooms where his schoolmates were being tended to by the after-school staff; the other children were having to do their homework on their own or with just one person in the room. When homework was finished, each child went from one room to the other across the hall. We were in the middle.

It was as pleasant as when we did homework together on weekends, and when he first started school. We'd begun the habit of starting homework as soon as possible after school as a fun thing, with work done earlier in the school day fresh in mind.

He breezed through his math, only needing validation as he solved each problem; I only provided options and questions for answering each until the page was complete. Next was writing: a summary of a story with the assignment of adding setting, personalities, dialogue, and scenery. I asked questions or made potential statements about the scene and tone he already had in mind so that he could make choices himself to complete the picture in his own narrative. I was so proud of his natural talent and told him so as he ended the story perfectly in time (before I had to leave and when the rest of the children were packing in their homework for the next activity) and by himself once the critical moment in his story was done and he concluded it as if tying it up with a colored ribbon.

Of course he took time to get up and sharpen pencils as I kept checking the time, showing me how he was learning to write in longhand or cursive his favorite letter so far, and making another attempt to delay me by hiding my cell phone. In between math and writing, he asked an interesting question: "Mom, what was the most violent thing you've ever done?" A little taken aback, I responded with the first thing that popped into my head: "Defending myself," I answered, hoping he wouldn't ask for any more details. He didn't. Instead he said, " No. That wasn't it; it was in my dream."

"Oh?", I replied, wondering with some concern exactly what was next, if he would even tell me. "So what was the dream?" I held my breath a little, waiting until he chose to finish without hesitating.

"I was in an alley next to the school, and a guy followed me and pulled out a gun to shoot me. You came in behind him in an SUV, got on the top of the hood, then jumped on top of him. The gun went off in another direction and I didn't get hit. I called the police on the [cell] phone while you held the guy until the cops came. You saved my life." I didn't ask when or where, though I'm fairly sure this dream occurred on a night he had not slept at our home.

I smiled, so touched and filled with peace if only for a moment. To my child I'm a superhero, even now. Every day is Mother's Day, whenever I'm with him, as written before in a poem, and this is why. The spontaneous things that cannot be planned or predicted, the unexpected charging hugs from across the room when I don't see him coming that now nearly knock me down, holding onto my hand against his face and not letting go, trying to keep me from going anywhere else. Hearing his voice call "Mom!" from a distance, and more hugs that come out of nowhere unexpectedly when I don't know he's so nearby.

A lady who stays in the playground during recess told me of a moment she caught him in quiet contemplation in a corner of the playground soon after he'd gotten his glasses and how precious he looked. "These are the moments I get to see that you miss", she said, meaning me and other parents in general. She smiled, and continued toward the other children for the next round of classes, not meaning any harm. It was simply matter-of-fact. She had no idea the impact of her words. Fortunately, on that day, I didn't cry. I was simply happy to be in the same place, with him knowing I was there.

Regrets, To the Little Girl on the Staten Island Ferry

2009-03-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

One resolved, only to acquire another. The intention here is to maintain the most optimistic attitude possible; I am a 'glass half-full' person in the worst of times. Thus, I hope the little girl seen at 2:00 a.m. on the Staten Island Ferry was sad and in tears for anything but what it looked like: another child with an abuser, perhaps a sexual abuser. The person she was with offered a tissue, though I know this type of person very well: trying to look civil in a public setting. His face showed no compassion and avoided eye contact, knowing I was watching.

Because I couldn't get close enough to hear the conversation, I stood up two rows away and watched directly. She looked at me with burning eyes, clearly not wanting to be where she was and at times looking almost as if she wanted to die, to be anywhere but where she was.

There were 'officers' in the back of the boat. It was a twenty-five minute trip. I was sleep-deprived from a long day and could barely put two sentences together, let alone find the right words to express myself effectively, or so I thought. It was a Friday night, and this was perhaps his visitation, or this was a night someone else was unavailable and he was the only one who could 'take care of her'.

Whatever was going on, it didn't look like it was the first time. Either she had just come from somewhere that kept her crying silently during the whole trip, or she was about to experience something that she was helpless to prevent. I pray it was the former; either way, I feel as though I should have acted, though past experience had me frozen. All I could do in those twenty-five minutes was stand during the whole trip and stare at them, looking for a clearer sign to go to the police, who happened to be visible at the back of the boat.

There was an employee a friend knew who worked on the boat in the ladies room, who had disclosed to her that she was regularly beaten by her boyfriend. I was disturbed enough by this to go to an officer the next time I saw her working there and tell them what I knew. His response was that unless the woman went to him herself there was nothing he could do, that 'what if they took action on everyone who made such a report'? I was disappointed and discouraged, thought not surprized.

That experience and my fatigue kept me from going to the back of the boat that night, expecting the same response. This time it was a child, this time who she was with would lie if asked if there was something the child was upset about; he would likely not permit anyone to talk to her directly. She was property, too afraid to speak with who she was with that she couldn't get away from, who spoke in a very low voice with no emotion or expression of compassion as her tears flowed that she wiped herself, refusing the tissue he offered.

I watched helplessly as they got up when the boat got closer to its destination, the little girl, no more than eight, the same age as my son, walked ahead of her captor and faced forward to not have to look at him. I stood as close as I could to her side on the other side of the rope. She glanced at me a time or two, looking terrified, or enraged, or both, maybe at me for not doing anything, maybe because that's what she's always gotten: no one helping or caring, or even knowing that whenever she's with this person, something happens that she can't stop, and can't tell anyone.

By the time I was ready to go to someone they were still in the back of the boat, chatting as they had the whole time, watching no one, untrained, uncaring for any sort of subtle dynamics as these, inaccessible. I was angry that they were not now in the front of the boat, as they should have been.

Still helplessly watching, the seemingly heartless person the child was with took her hand again, as he had when I first spotted them about to get on. They walked together briskly toward the buses and disappeared into the crowd; there was nothing I could have done by then even if I'd been able to keep up with them. An eight year old if sad over anything other than coming from a death of a loved one does not continue to cry in such a way for such a time period unless something is out of the ordinary.

Two days later when I was able to see another cop on another boat I asked what was the procedure when those kinds of things happen. What are they trained to spot or do when nothing is happening though it appears clear that something may be about to happen, something that's happened before and may happen again, sometimes ongoing for years in a child's life with no one knowing. He said different officers are different, though they're not trained to spot such things for the most part, and that I should have gone to them...

I hope you were sad over anything but what it looked like; if I ever see you again or him I will not forget what you or he looked like. I will never forget your face. If I ever see the two of you together again with the same thing going on I promise I'll get help; I'm sorry I may have failed you. I hope you can forgive me. It's sometimes all I can do to protect one child, as I sometimes have to watch helplessly while another goes through what they don't deserve. Please be well, and safe.

The Next Step

2009-02-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

One cannot go without the other, a throwback to years ago, or the moment when the story became one of significance, one that others would want to know about, and that in knowing would offer hope and even help to make others stronger. It's time to cross over, still in small steps, one breath at a time.

The process happened by degrees, almost imperceptible; not being in the middle of it or understanding what was happening would provide a different perspective or opinion. I know the child the same as when first seeing them: what every movement meant, every expression, every utterance, every little noise, every pause.

It was as if I had gone back for the first time to having been where they were, feeling it all over again, reminded of what had been all but completely forgotten, buried in years of existence, what I had thought was a life, until the child appeared, then life and love had new definitions. Whatever the previous ones were could not ever be considered or entertained again. All was in the past, and all that mattered was looking to me, understanding my every glance, touch, and feeling, crying when my presence couldn't be felt in the dark, going quickly back to sleep knowing I was there (while I laid awake for hours wondering what had caused such urgency so suddenly).

I would find out, eventually. Parts of the puzzle came together almost as suddenly: a rising tide that once the flood subsided could not ever be the same again either. Only later would I learn the full scope and truth of a chain of events that faded against the tunnel-vision of fear and flight. A hundred books would be read with the child either elsewhere or sleeping softly in the wee hours before it was time to go out. A little hand would reach out to hold mine, content that there was finally some peace. A tear would be wiped by a blanket, words expressing from the place we had found how lucky I was not to have to go to where they didn't want to.

Even the day before it was time, the tears would start, sometimes running after me, sometimes screaming. I knew this child; nothing that was described as expected was normal or okay. The alternatives only added to what I knew had to be solved. There was no available solution that could take away what had been done that was brought to my attention. The child is now not the same.

Testimony

2009-01-31T18:08:00.000-08:00

Testimony for Hearing 1/09:

Today we must mention again that 30% of survivors and families who make it into shelter are able to find housing. It’s another issue as to why they don’t make it and the subsequent deaths that are unverifiable as directly connected remains a serious concern.

Where the remaining 70% go has also been unverified, though it is known that many are faced with the unavoidable choice of returning to abusive households, to either become homeless again, or worse. This is a well known fact in the advocacy community.

What these realities do to mothers and their children is devastating in and of itself, if they are able to escape safely even once, let alone multiple times.

Widely available statistics conclude that 75% of most incidents occur while women and their children are attempting to escape, or thereafter, which either leads to homelessness, loss of support, return to the abuser, or more homicides.

We encourage you to consult on how children and women become legitimately disabled as a result of ongoing domestic turmoil over years of exposure to physical, emotional, and mental abuse, the most ‘minimal’ condition being ‘Complex PTSD’, which often goes undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

Your research would not be complete without looking to Lundybancroft.com, and Legalabusesyndrome.org, where findings have shown after in-depth research that ‘conditions’ are natural responses to violence and abusive, biased litigation in both women and children that follow them through the rest of their lives, with profound long-term effects impacting the gamut from health factors to functionality and ability to seek or find living standards where a productive and improving quality of life can exist and thrive.

To make things worse, obtaining a ‘diagnosis’ or labels have proved to harm women in litigation for custody of their children, though their states were natural to the traumas they continue to endure. Mr. Bancroft goes on to say that the most expedient remedy for the conditions incurred by mothers and children is simply reunification, so they may heal and be given the opportunity of a life free from abuse by both batterers and the system.

A case last year involved a mother who had been put in a wheelchair by an abuser who went on to use her ‘disability’ against her as a form of unfitness as a parent to their children in a matrimonial custody dispute. These practices and others have been far from uncommon.

With these considerations strongly in mind, we are requesting another or improved, expanded category in housing developments, so that these families, who are most always women and children, may have more opportunities for lives free from abuse and to remain safe.

Creation

2008-12-31T15:20:00.000-08:00

From this moment forward, the past will be behind you. What will you claim as part of your identity, and what will you choose to leave behind? According to some, it's just that simple. It is, if you choose. So is happiness, a choice that is; reportedly quoted by Abraham Lincoln, among others. If his life were followed, many would understand much better. Never mind that the photograpy available in his day really couldn't capture a smile well. Freezing a smile, even a fake one, for the timeframe to catch a shot was excruciating. His accomplishing the presidency was a feat in and of itself, under the circumstances. If I read more of what is written by or about him, there may be something to learn as to why he wished to become president. Was it a deep sense of purpose, or a momentum, once started, that would have been inappropriate to reverse? Maybe it was something in between; only Abe himself could tell us for sure.

Abe Lincoln was not a man who skipped much, as in the hopscotch kind, as in having a spring in one's step, unless in private moments with his children. Much of the time in his life had all but the world's weight on his shoulders. How much he felt it or acknowledged it is another question only he could answer. We take on all with either a conscious or unconscious permission, with the exception of being in a bad place at a bad time; there are things that happen that still make us wonder 'why?'.

In our lifetime, is it possible to minimize or get a grip, some sort of control on what happens to other humans (for the highest and best of all concerned)? To accept the collective responsibility we all have toward each other in some capacity? It's a choice. Some have the wherewithal to acknowledge that there even is a choice. Other's must find food or shelter to survive another day. We represent them all. Obviously, it's been possible to participate in destruction, where even apathy or non-action is a form of participation. Yes. So by the same token, there's a way to participate in creation without destroying, without creating humans only to snuff them out before lives have the opportunity to even begin.

We were designed with the capacity to find a way for all to thrive; I heard a trusted mentor mention in a recording that if all of the world's resources in monetary quantity were divided evenly between every child, woman, and man on the planet, no exceptions, each would have the equivalent of approximately 12 million dollars. I believe it. So why the killing, why the greed, why the control and fear, why the need to have others submit? Leadership and power have nothing to do with control over others. The best leaders' stories go unheard or undocumented most of the time, or surface as a legacy, as if it couldn't be repeated. History does repeat itself, if unstudied or respected. The best history can be repeated as well, were we not so in need of making a mark 'like none other'.

The best footprints of our existence occurred when some chose to lead in a way that would make children proud, that would teach them that one person can start something that leaves the world a better place. Others paved the way for that very reason. They did what no one else could do, to make it easier for those that followed, many strangers they would never meet. Their vision included the smiles and laughter of children, who where given the opportunity to be children, instead of slaves in the field or slaves to anything. Many still exist in our world today; we can choose to change that. Not acknowleding our part in the process is participation in the opposite of creation. It's a daily thought.

Do not let the spotlights blind you; tread carefully, speak wisely, for in this present moment in time, you will not pass this way again, and every step you tread on going forward was created by the one before it.

Lovefest

2008-11-30T19:16:00.000-08:00

Priceless and precious: lingering after waking, knowing a pint-sized person will soon awake as well and prefer to nestle toes and all under ever-warmer covers quick as a flash. Little nose in the space of your neck; little arm over you: irreplaceable.

Saying 'I love you' out of nowhere, during the day and across the room after being tucked in for the night. Sharing dreams, good and bad, hearing laughter and whimpers at different times once slumber has taken over, staying awake purposely though not consciously just to be together longer.

Finding little treats collected over time: little moments strung together more precious than a beaded necklace, more fragile: passing memories as soon as they happen.

Always singing, always smiling, always sharing funny stories and new jokes: the gift of a happy child. Though always is not really 'always'; a child like this will seek every possible time to renew their own hope and yours. Always trying to capture a smile or a laugh, not forgetting what fear feels like, and not looking for it.

They are here to remind us of 'now', of all there is that matters. Tomorrow is another day; today is what we have. Yesterday is over, always, to a child.

The blanket was sewn again, as many times before, held together by threads on top of each other. It feels soft and solid once more though no less fragile: full of priceless irreplaceable memories, from when its entire size fit completely over a little person that now still holds it fast during the night close to his face. He's now shy to have his forehead kissed with others around though the blanket is always accounted for and never far away: the first to wipe sudden tears and keep close.

The shape of the face is the same, as is the softness of his hair and skin, as when he was so small, still in a stroller, falling asleep, 'checking out' from the noise when it became too much. Peace was looking at his face and touching his hair and skin; comfort was doing the same when bad dreams had him calling out to make sure I was there. I answered by the touch that was unmistakeable, stroking his face and pulling the covers over his shoulders until the whimpering stopped and the pained expression returned to one of rest again; sometimes it seemed like every night, though it wasn't. I never tired of comforting him; my rest was and is his.

He tells me what I cannot help and cannot change, as if he knows; sometimes he's right. I tell him what is not his to worry about, what isn't about him, what cannot hurt him. The last time I said I thought he was 'the greatest' he said 'Think?'. "I know you're the greatest", I said, corrected. Something must be working. He will have what I didn't have; he will know who he is and claim him, because someone was there to tell him he could.

Frogs/blog, ghost/writer; perspective: yipes!

2008-10-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

Signs and symbols; now you see them, now you don't. Some would say they're always there; others simply don't notice, or insist they see nothing. Both points of view are true, in the 'eye of the beholder'; it's all relative.

I must confess this entry was composed on its designated day, automatically saved as a draft, accessed to post and when the check-box was assigned to publish only two lines 'survived'. No copy of the draft was saved to post the full text, which was lost somewhere in the process. I had been pleased with what had been created, mourned its loss, began again later, joking with one nearby that if it were the worst thing in life at that moment, it was 'okay'. Now to the re-creation, not to be the same:

My favorite mentor re-told a story that included two frogs recently, about others' misinterpreting responses to circumstances as one viewpoint: a particular reaction brings on a different result, depending upon the motivations of those directly affected. The same could be said for many things; the analogy in the story was results being 'rewarded', though not in the way that had been envisioned by one participant. In order to meet someone 'where they are', it can help to know what their 'where' is, to them. Sometimes, this can only be discovered in hindsight.

So what's the lesson? The 'golden rule' has been re-illustrated as what 'others' would want. What makes for challenges is not only do we not know what they want, neither do they, more often than not. It's for all practical purposes simple to treat others as we would wish or expect to be treated; the truth is that 'others' are not us. Sometimes, even the best 'people skills' do not apply. Just like animals, different species have different needs, though it's usually much easier to understand the needs of species other than humans.

So that part's covered, not much like the first time, though we accept with gratitude the 'now'.

As for the latter, there are those that are called 'kindred spirits' for whom we can finish sentences across continents, or lifetimes, where the Golden Rule is predictable, and equally gratifying. We know our efforts have not gone in vain; many would say no effort is lost. We are simply unaware of the results or outcome.

This is not for me; sometimes, as has happened many times in the past, as satisfiying as it can be to be 'validated', the real meaning or result is what has occurred through others, because we chose to 'be there', to show they were important, to let them know their strength was unique in guiding others to recognize their own gifts and act on them. Many times the effort was very small; the blessing was the arrangement of place and time to allow for another 'everyday miracle' to occur. The most priceless has been when such moments occur with children, when one moment in time is remembered for a lifetime, shaping purpose and destiny.

The opposite can also be true. We are taught that to appreciate joy we must understand pain, that without contrast there is nothing to compare to. Is this the circle of life? We can still experience 'pain' and 'suffering' without the 'unspeakable', without atrocities, without the destruction of our own. They are all ours. For every tear that's shed, there could have been fewer. Those who survive have been grateful for the experience; others have erased the memory from their consciousness, thought not without consequence. Still others go on only a spirit shadow of what might have been, the candle all but extinguished.

We cannot help what we can't see, or can we? Those who may need us most are not even visible. They live in fear, unable to think beyond getting through the day. Our 'luxury of thought' is for what they cannot entertain beyond hunger and shelter. In contrast, we have unlimited wealth, enough abundance for all. Through communication and collaboration we can construct and extend the ropes to hope and the possibility of freedom, as the latter must be their own thought. It can be facilitated by others, though only claimed by those who choose to, once provided with the tools, as easily passed on as the lighting of one candle to another, undiminished by having done so.

I only remember the ending of what was 'lost' as something like 'the path you walk upon is there from who was before you, for you'.

Gratitude

2008-09-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

Uncertainty and change are guaranteed, so what is 'stability'? It's a relative term, according to who you are, your 'world view', and the filters created, consciously or otherwise, by every moment up to this one. The word 'ego' was heard recently defined as 'your past'. Get it? Who is who we see in the mirror (if we have one)? At any moment, we can either decide our past is who we are, or decide otherwise.

The hardest to master is oneself, so we're taught. Words are powerful: a lesson that happens on the journey. Another mentor was overheard during a recorded session taking place in a summer youth camp how we can turn negatives into positives with single words, regardless of how we feel. Say, the 'change of season' immune system resistance factor got the better of us on a particular day. "How are you?" someone says in greeting (taking the time to ask, maybe even caring about the answer). Think for a moment; we can choose the answer. Regardless of the 'outside' forces that can attack our bodies or psyches, the answer is still up to us.

"Wonderful" we say (as has this mentor), quickly followed by a cough or tissue to the runny nose that doesn't seem to want to stop, footsteps labored, as we walk slowly beside our inquiring acquaintance or friend. They look at us a little puzzled, as we don't particularly sound so (to them). The middle-ground of this 'transition' is we are in wonder of the ability on this beautiful day to greet another, to have woken up, gotten dressed, breathed, seen the sun, and felt the breeze on our faces. It's the truth. We are 'full of wonder' observing the miracles that occur daily around us, with us, and for us. "Awesome", we say, as we are 'full of awe' of how we may feel or encounter our daily 'happenings'. As the masters who have prospered by these practices can attest, the solutions come much sooner, through the utterances that bring us ever closer to the joys we seek.

“ There is the lesson of a Cherokee man teaching his grandchildren about life. He says to them, ‘A fight is going on inside me. It’s between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, anxiety, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, competition, and superiority. The other wolf is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith, and laughter. Then he tells his grandchildren that the same fight is going on inside of them, and also inside of every person. The children think about this for a moment, and then one of them asks his grandfather, ‘Which wolf will win?’ The old man then replies, ‘The one that you feed’.”

Many thanks as well to the cherished mentor and friend to have shared more than once the memorable and profound quote provided. The children are here to teach us once again, and forever, as we watch in awe just how rapidly they exercise the mastery they were born with, the low number of their years leaves fresh the innate 'remembrance' that we can choose to laugh directly from tears, their consciousness still close to the surface, unaffected by the layers the larger ones get piled upon them with age. 'Remembering' is not 'going back', it is, or can be taking the next step on the journey.

Calm Before the Storm

2008-08-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

As the words were written; I'm thinking again of those for whom a literal storm is approaching, and reminded of how small what the rest of us face today is by comparison. I'm not watching the news today; doing so is another precious time drainer. Life is too short and as each day passes there is so much to do with the gift of each day that we have.

I'm literally sitting in the dark; coming into a place that is another blessing, with no lights on. A timer turned them off. I could get up and turn them on again, though it's as if there's a nudge that my reason for coming in at all is sticking to my commitment of making this entry on the last day of the month, and that I should make this session short; there's life going on out there and I'm to take care of other things, too, on a day when the rest of the blessed ones are enjoying a long holiday weekend. I think again of those who know of their blessings.

Again, I watched a DVD by a respected friend who has thrived and prospered by living on the edge. Not unlike her and as she has chosen to continue, I've lost touch with whatever a 'comfort zone' is. The difference between us is I'm where she was at a much earlier time in her life, when living on the edge was circumstance before it became conscious choice. Comfort is appreciated, though fleeting, as there are 'miles to go before sleep'.

This is for those without the 'luxury' of having a place to go to write or keep a commitment, who've not yet learned what a commitment is; life is about whether or not there will be any food, or a place to sleep that's safe and dry. Many of these are children; some are alone.

This is what life is; they're all our children. My gift is perspective; we are all connected. The latter was not learned until much later; it was a cliche' until understood. The more learned the more that is revealed that opens up realms that can't be mastered in one lifetime. So again I feel small, though not in a powerless way.

When abundance is all around in the most obvious way, I will still be a student. When others call me an expert or authority I will still be learning from the children. They arrive to teach us what we have forgotten, and continue to remind us that we never get it all, they can smile and be happy 'for no reason', as we all are entitled to do at any moment.

Happiness is momentary, and our purpose here is to increase the ratio of those moments as much as possible for ourselves and others. Children can do it for no charge and create other smiles, for moments that are all too fleeting. There's a lesson in there. Then when an 'expert' re-learns the 'skill' of 'teaching' others that we all have that choice at any moment, they're paid thousands per hour. The environments we grew into made us forget we always had a choice, and huge amounts of the luxury of time and money were re-invested to 'remember'.

When we ignore or diminish the joy of a child we ignore and diminish ourselves. When the environment overwhelms us to the point that taking time to know what matters is a 'luxury' we 'don't have', abundance has not abandoned us; it is we that have left.

I can pray at this moment that those preparing for yet another storm are delivered to safety with minimal inconveniences. One human life can only tolerate so many storms without the proper support. There is enough for everyone to thrive; we must be there before the storm in some way, whatever way we can. There is no honor in a 'noble' reaction to the 'aftermath'; there are no 'heroes' when enough were aware in advance and chose not to offer as much as a prayer. We are all set back when another suffers in a way that could have been prevented. Every moment must be weighed when getting to 'what's next' overshadows a 'child' reaching out, as it's happening somewhere, every moment. The more we remember, the more smiles, the fewer tears, the more life.

A Four-letter Word

2008-07-31T08:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks again to Maria, and cherished friends in common...

Hate? What?

These were my first thoughts when requested of to write about what we ‘hate’ or ‘fear’, which can be the same, though are not always (or I’ve had a tough time equating them), as mentioned by our Dalai Lama*.

After spending hours thinking and as the days passed quickly to when I felt I must get this out, the only logical place to look was Neale Donald Walsch and Humanity’s Team pages to enter the keyword and see what came up.

At first I was surprised being asked to write about the word at all, a four-letter-word that enlightened beings aren’t supposed to feel, or even say most of the time, unless explaining it in the moment in response to a question or observation.

The first result did not have the word in the article; it appeared because it’s contained in the word whatever, used as ‘whatever we think we need’ (interesting; can general apathy resurface as the same?). Nonetheless, the post had its own significance:

The Crazy Things We Tell Our Children About Life

http://blog.beliefnet.com/conversationswithgod/2007/07/the-crazy-things-we-tell-our-c.html

"quick with messages of hate, calling all Westerners legitimate targets because of the actions of leaders…”

http://blog.beliefnet.com/conversationswithgod/2007/07/the-headlines-say-it-all-our-c.html

* "It is impossible to achieve inner peace when you are full of hate, suspicion and fear," the Buddhist spiritual leader told 5,500 people who packed Barton Hall for the first of his three public appearances during a two-day visit...

"Taking care of others is the best guarantee for your own happy future," the 72-year-old exiled Tibetan leader and Nobel laureate said.

http://www.humanitysteam.org/news/dalai-lama-oct2007

To answer the question, I hate what I don’t yet understand. For example, the ‘need’ to force-feed us sports at the end of every newscast, as if how could everyone not be interested, or the assumption that we are. Sports has its place, though it is also predominant and described or referred to in what our children are taught: competition, winners and losers, even in ‘religion’.

It is the truth of another culture to identify more as a member of that culture than as a unique individual and part of a collective humanity who may self-identify as such. Many are not permitted to make that choice, make it in secret, or embrace the culture.

Each is their own truth; I have learned to accept that, as it appears that all of humanity ‘knowing’ would not be an accurate description of humanity itself, with all its flaws and ‘natural’ tendencies.

If searching for the purposes in our lives consists of acquiring answers to a series of questions, it was inevitable that the one about ‘hate’ would come up eventually, and now being ‘all there is’...; in a different moment, I don’t like it.

Answers were found recently. Still processing, understanding intellectually and not emotionally. I get the words; not yet feeling or fully comprehending them, knowing others don't, the ones we don’t ‘understand’, that as part of our existence we share the planet with. It is contrast that characterizes our humanity, which allows us to distinguish joy from pain and injustice. I will accept this, and understand, not as much now as I will.

Born ‘without a hateful bone in my body’, as they say where I grew up, nor with a capacity for jealousy (who isn’t?). I didn’t understand when others ‘hated’ me for no reason I could see, or were ‘jealous’ for reasons I couldn’t understand. This occurred at different times with different people from childhood to now (like most all of us). When someone I was ‘deeply in love with’ chose someone else over me, I wasn’t jealous, I just didn’t understand. Later, I did. It wasn’t the father of my child, though it paved the way for that experience.

When we seek our essence, the thing that makes us ‘one’, there is no evil or hatred; the latter are learned or imposed by environment. The things people do to each other is not who they are; somehow they were taught to deny themselves in a form of ‘selfishness’, as who we really are has nothing to do with scarcity or competition.

In a lifetime, it appears to be impossible for some to shake off the layers of hatred and fear their environments have surrounded them with, that have told them that the opposite of who they are is what is. Many are not given the option to disagree at a very vulnerable time, as doing so would result in either a spiritual or physical death.

I don’t know how many are walking around with spirits beyond recovery, left ‘alive’ in body, in a hell on earth. I don’t fully understand who cannot or refuses to see this. I can’t explain how I still cannot hate one who deliberately hurts a child or others. ‘Intellectually’, I sometimes feel that I should. The equipment isn’t there; am I blessed, or cursed? I choose the former.

“Children are resilient.” is so often used as an excuse when the choice is to do nothing, consciously or otherwise. Broken spirits can make such statements. How many cannot unbreak the brokenness, mirrors of the systems in which they choose to live?

Someone, at some time in their most tender moments, stole the key, in a way that no one else could replace. I hate the emptiness left behind that gets turned on others. I hate not knowing if the moment has passed or is yet to come when a soul teeters between living and dying, and what might have prevented it. I hate the causes of what creates hate.

'Oneness', and our connections

2008-06-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

My 'new' soul associations inspired, and assigned today's entry; my continued gratitude, and shared expression, now, and as we go forward together:

I call myself a catalyst; will never forget the word from first hearing it in chemistry class. Liked the teacher, forgot his name, which doesn't matter; what's in a name anyway? Plenty, according to lots of others on the planet now who have been taught that naming both identifies, and limits (thank you Eckart, and Oprah). Others have called me a connector; I'll take that, too (and thank you as well, Mr. Gladwell). It is in both 'labels' and without them that I exist, that I am. With regard to the latter, and the former, for that matter, there are common themes, which become deeper as one 'moment' leads to the next. If time is an illusion, I've gotten the message at the right time, whatever that is to you, or me.

Have gone full circle as I reflect on the words of my new associates, which in my former existence I would not have done, to check their personal expressions before 'creating' my own. It's different now, what 'happened' since getting the prompt for this expression took place in a sequence that only supported this moment; I am firstly allowing myself to be helped, not being the self-sufficient 'rock', survivor. Our teacher said almost in passing, though it rang loud here, that to ask for help is allowing one from whom input is sought to rise to the occasion (forgive my lack of the exact yet equally profound words). Here, I utilized what was available and willing to further our thoughts, which are both literally and invisibly connected.

The past few years have shaken whoever I once thought I was, in both beautiful and 'awakening' ways. Indeed, I would not be here, or having this experience had 'things' turned out differently (Duh!); though yes, I also said that out loud, and at least to me it didn't sound quite so obvious...

There are many teachers all around us, some assigned, some chosen, some willing though unacknowledged, and some are not in human form, like a plant, or something else...my life is merely an extension and reflection of all of them, even those who feel that to challenge is against me and in their favor; that is part of their journey as well. I'm grateful for the moments of joy sparked by a child, and others. If nothing else, life so far is teaching 'children' the wonders and lessons in small things; it is also what is learned from 'children' in those same moments.

Labels, limits, like the stickers on plastic containers! What if a few are wrong? What if all are 'wrong'? 'Check in' is the place where our bodies tell us the answers, though we don't always interpret the message as it may have been intended. I agree; coming back to where the answers are is the journey of thousands of miles from the same body! And I don't use exclamation points casually. I've come to know where the compass is, and for some time now have had 'Information' stamped on my forehead visible to everyone but a precious few, much to my beautiful child's present though natural resentment (I understand, as one memory from his time is also like yesterday).

That said, this entire exercise has been an illustration in circles, or half-circles, as coming back to where you were is not always an indication of progress. It doesn't help to express to one not so engaged your connection to them, or to feel in a way that makes one uncomfortable another's connection to you, though nothing really changes what is for always.

A purpose is chosen, by some, seen by others, and observed by all, when the choice is made to observe; all are connected, and when we can 'take it', all are one. Being in the zone of 'discomfort' by one is 'home' to another, and can reverse at different 'times'. The words of angels are spoken by those with no shoes, and we are blessed. My joy comes from the eyes of a child, and the comfort of knowing and remembering the depth of truth. The quotes, accepted from those from whom I cannot be separate, say the rest, for now...

There is a field... beyond right and wrong... I'll meet you there. -Rumi

Believe... in spite of the evidence. Then watch the evidence change. -Jim Wallis

Gender Disclosed; Now What?

2008-05-31T19:11:00.000-07:00

The reason for this writing was in response to a feature article. I've also included a link to one that explains as well part of where I'm coming from. As a woman having grown up elsewhere, then having spent most of my adulthood in New York City, I've had feet in two worlds ever since, and am constantly reminded of the contrasts of radically different environments, both for myself, other women, and not least of all my child.

As a woman who's now also had exposure with 'the system' and how many women are treated by other women to whom they turn for help, I've also experienced the secondary 'sexism' they often unconsciously or deliberately exercise in determining outcomes for other women and their children, as well as on other levels forms of 'reverse-racism', and been the target of trans-generational anger for what my 'fore-mothers' may or may not have done to others.

Though my upbringing was different, I now consider myself a member of the human race and do not identify much with my exterior, which is among other things, unapologetically female. According to the models illustrated, I'm neither 'feminist' nor "womanist", and do not necessarily agree with the definitions offered. Something in between might be a better description, though what that name might be is not for me to determine at this time.

I deeply respect and understand the oppression generations of women have endured from all races in their respective different ways, including the bloodlines that preceded my existence: those of my own family. Much of the former continues today, here, and often to an even greater almost unimaginable degree in other parts of the world.

In addition to attending to our own 'backyards' and streets, we do not have time to either unconsciously or otherwise punish each other for what our parents, grandparents, and those before them, where we are, 'did to each other'. By engaging in this residual generational resentment, sexism, patriarchy, and 'cultural elitism'(for lack of a better term), we collectively and simultaneously underserve ourselves and other women and children who continue to suffer, many with no voices at all.

Unlike other campaigns or elections, where more often than not it seemed like any vote was for 'the lesser of two evils', that is not the case now. As the article included here states better than I can, and as well for the reasons connected to those comprehensively covered by noted contributors, some of whom are personal friends, I must cast my vote for a particular woman, for all women, and their children.

In closing, I continue as a friend, equal, supporter, and spokesperson for women and children, so that our sons and daughters will no longer live in environments of fear, anger, and violence, as soon as possible, like now.

Goodbye to All That (#2):

http://www.womensmediacenter.com/ex/020108.html

Dangerous Trends, Innovative Responses:

http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/2906/

American Psychological Association, Violence in the Family report:

http://www.apa.org/pi/viol&fam.html

Three Things: What Now?

2008-04-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

Many teachers, many lives; one met in person*, new contacts made: circles and waves of progress in rhythm. Two teachers, one known, one respected (+*=3), who had surprise brushes with the 'unknown', unanticipated.

Any day we are grateful simply to wake up, to arrive on time according to our chosen obligations, to 'be there' during a planned, significant, or spontaneous moment, and to arrive back to our respective 'homes' safe and sound, to recharge for another day. Yet even for 'the masters' (the ones who will not call themselves the same), some things cannot be anticipated in advance; 'life' delivers 'detours'. They ask the universe or themselves sooner than most 'ordinary folk': 'Why?'.

Not "Why me?", but rather 'Why?'. Years of experiences and 'practice' have conditioned them that purpose can be found in most every moment, so as soon as they can reflect, as their adopted 'habits' have served them, they look within to search for answers in peace, and at peace with what is offered. As humans, acceptance is not always immediate, even for those who have evolved 'far' for one lifetime.

As humans, plans have been made, and 'happenings' do not always serve the former; we are constantly reminded of our physical vulnerabilities at these times: how we respond unconsciously to chemical rushes in our systems that affect our thinking and responses. Our 'humanity' cannot always freely allow us to turn on and off attending to the 'short lists'.

Something else is at play; perhaps the collective 'we'. A proposed 'oneness' even the most aspiring of us have difficulty grasping when the rug underneath mysteriously disappears for what feels like a very long time, from a few moments that seem like hours, or hours that seem like days, months that seem like years (the warriors, who must perform like martial artists, out of necessity for the sake of others).

This is for friends, those loved, new and old, met and unmet, paths yet to cross again, and those that have. My heart is with you all; we are all children inside. Some of us can remember; all moments are precious.

When the fog is too thick, we're still there; the love is no less strong. Motionlessness is only as long as the next breath, or heartbeat, no matter how long it may feel like, until the flashing strobes and the foghorns lead us to where the next docking station is. We may bump the sides now and again before gliding into the slip: that's what the sides are for.

Our training, practice and repetitions put us on 'autopilot'; our reflexes take over for when full concentration cannot be summoned. We've been prepared for the unexpected; the inside comes out, to protect, to identify, and to define. The shapes long seen in our dreams become real; the 'missing' dimension fills the outline, and nothing looks the same from this moment on. Now is all we have. Listen, breathe, feel, look, connect, and 'see'.

I Speak, therefore, I Am.

2008-03-31T11:58:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I would like to credit the founding practitioner/M.D. of Healthaftertrauma.com, for unintentionally prompting the subject matter of this month's post. Like all humans, and as many others have related, 'if I were consistently able to follow my own advice, I'd be somewhere else right now', which is why it means so much more and is especially gratifying when someone approaches and says that something they thought of as a result of what was said changed their life, or outlook, whether at the end of a presentation, or exceptionally, when they take the time or are able to see or find you at a later time to report the positive impact or results.

Another friend quoted, 'We teach what we need to learn', which is also true. I remain in humble admiration of the well-established ones whose names most of us have heard when they say they continue to do what they do long after fortune has made it unnecessary for them to 'work' because of what they are always learning from their students and audiences. It is these intentions I hope those that are so moved will aspire to as well.

Another admired presenter, founder of Magneticpersuasion.com, and the person who inspired this blog, of 'Mrfire.com', as well as other close and respected contacts, have reinforced: it is the 'introverts' of us who are often best suited. Why? Well, my personal story aside, more interesting for now is what these individuals have confirmed in their own unique and eloquent ways: it often comes across that we speak because we can't remain silent, having been left with the resolution after significant struggle, that our stories and what we have experienced give rise to an obligation and passion that not communicated is counter to personal growth and progess. The stirrings we can't ignore morph into our respective purposes, different for each of us, though similar in many ways. Anything less defies and diminishes not only ourselves; it also snuffs out what the communication of each of our stories would potentially cause to come to fruition for others.

It is this last thought, rather than what we think of ourselves, that oftentimes prompts us to that 'tipping point'. When we do it well, those we reach and touch also can more easily become invested in whatever what we say resonates in them, from the same origin, different for each: at some point, it becomes evident that not acting or following through is not an option in contrast to what is possible when we go forward. The fear of the unknown pales and overrides in comparison to the 'status quo', or lack of growth. The motivation is often not for self; it is rather for someone we know, or haven't met yet who, had we not taken these earlier steps, could perhaps not as easily have found what the waves of such efforts brought to them, if at all.

It's sometimes hard to swallow: if we're not growing we are dying. Children are growing by the minute, yet their spirits can be killed or permanently altered while they are still small. The truth is, in our society, most are profoundly negatively altered in some way. More of us were those children once, and that legacy continues. We can choose to lower the numbers, or go on with things as they are.

In our later years, those children will be our caregivers. As we realize how fleeting the best years of our lives are, more joy is available in looking into the eyes of a child and seeing a spirit fully engaged, validated, and ready to claim their birthright: the ability to leave the world a better place. An alternative is a soul with limited physical capacity at the mercy of a child who grew up into what there is too much of around us today, all the more devastating if that child is ours. They belong to us all, to make up for the lack of 'perfection' that surrounds them. Children are here to teach us: what we 'forgot', shaped by a flawed and tainted environment at best. To be able to communicate this is a gift, not to be ignored, in honor of and to encourage the huge souls and spirits of still-small hearts and priceless voices.

For My Child

2008-02-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

You are a miracle, as is everyone in some way. Your arrival into this world and your life was meant to be. When you were born, my life began; whoever I was before ceased to be. Our life path would grow to be about those we grow up with, and how they shape us.

Our environments were different, our common threads are our roots, those we love. 'Home' is not a place, but rather a feeling. 'Safe' is not peace; peace is not the absence of stress. We must find separately what peace means. Sometimes there are no right answers, only what works for the moment.

When we are apart, my job has been done when you remember the stories we've shared about those we love who have helped make us who we are, and sharing with others what really matters with no apologies.

Sometimes we have to unlearn what doesn't make sense or work anymore, no matter how hard.

I hope you know that I am always with you, and the spirits of those who have loved us just as much. That depth is our common message.

Sometimes we have to stand out and be a little uncomfortable to continue the legacy of those who have taught us who we are, so that others can also claim themselves, inspired by the spirits who took the time to nurture us and show us the way...

Right Now

2008-01-31T13:36:00.000-08:00

The 'inconvenience' of a post or two ago has had a 'transformational' effect. Much has happened (as is true in anyone's life, when we can take notice) that would have been different had there been more 'technology' at my disposal more often. By the same token, a mentor disclosed that a personal 'handicap' makes this more of his daily life than not, and he's a fortune in one form or another to show for it. Habits (not previously recognized as such) had to be dropped and new ones adapted to 'survive', and I am yet again reminded of what there is to be grateful for and what is taken for granted.

Another of the latter's friends became of acquaintence who, for the first time I've met and been able to relate to from a 'like bloodline', also symbolic and ironic, as the path travelled now is very much about who we all are inside, how we identify it (or not), and what we do with it. We are who we say we are; indeed, another famous quote (the source name which now escapes me) said that the most important conversations we miss until it is often too late are the ones we do not have with ourselves. Just letting you know it's not my quotation, though one to be lived by, or at least pondered (I'm not one to 'suggest' my opinions are for all to adopt, I'm grateful for the ones who think I should, though equally so for the ones who question).

Speaking for those who cannot yet find that voice; we are all born entitled to all the world can possibly offer. The world we live in and how we learn to see it shapes our lives every single moment. Two or more can walk together and spend years or lifetimes in similar circles, living in different worlds.

A blind man can 'see' without eyes, the deaf can 'hear' without ears, as can we. What separates us is how we develop our senses and learn to seek 'validations'.

Today I pray for all of us that every day, every moment, in some small way, that we see something that wasn't there before, in a place we've been to many times; this is part of life, and why the children and other humans from 'unlikely' places in unexpected moments flutter in and out of our consciousness to whisper the differences, the beauty of possibility, and the nature of beauty itself.

Since this began...

2007-12-31T13:09:00.001-08:00

The event for which it was partially inspired has been noted by many that may wish to contribute, so that all who are connected may not again this year have events overlapping and more can be attended by more with common purposes...

Those highlighted by the media for deeds not for the good of all concerned returned to their previous occupations, almost as if nothing had happened...

We are at the end of another year, looking forward with hope and prayer that more of the former will occur, and less of the latter.

A very happy, abundant, and peaceful New Year to all, so that common visions for our best possible outcomes will progress, and common practices that serve the few at costs to many will continue to diminish.

'Peace is not the absence of tension, but the presence of justice' - MLK

Thanks for the 'nudge' (writing one's own material).

2007-11-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

In gratitude for being asked to submit text at a time that was not 'ideal' when the request was made. For similar reasons, 'current' feelings that are numerous will be reflected upon later, in the moment. Hope everyone had a wonderful month, and to making the most of every day...all the best.

What is Community Organizing? An Opinion.

On a rare day when the PBS channel was surfed to during January, I was happy to see that there were back to back presentations of actual footage from the civil rights movement. The stories of Rosa Parks and school segregations were shown in black and white clips produced at the time, including the involvement of Dr. Martin Luther King Junior. What struck me the most in all three was the story behind the story that we are either unaware of by lack of exposure to such details, or what has been watered down by our respective learning environments, from schools to the media.

What alarms me today and a large part of why we are here is the difference between the attitudes of the children portrayed in the former compelling footage and what has been witnessed by all of us within even the last 24 hours in our own community.

My heart was gripped imagining the emotions of the 6-year-old girl, her head down, focusing as well as she could on putting one foot in front of the other, being jeered at and threatened by grown people, mostly men.

Children of all backgrounds were interviewed on their thoughts about what was rapidly becoming heated in their school: the attendance of children of another color that was to begin within days, by court order. Here lies the contrast as was observed: children at all grade levels were accepting, logical, and embarrassed by the behavior of their own parents and other adults in their community.

Today, just a few generations later, it is the children as well who openly mimic the biases, prejudices, lack of understanding, resentment, anger, and yes, inherited hatred of those the size of adults who appear to ‘run’ the streets they travel daily. They are the products of their environments. Only by recognition, action, and improving the awareness of this damaging proximity and what it represents can we reclaim our dignity as humans, where we are, now, beginning with ourselves and acknowledging the parts we have played, however direct or otherwise.

The phrase ‘community organizing’ can ring as almost redundant, as the meaning of the word 'community' itself* can be interpreted as ‘services shared by all’, which to me, the operative word is ‘shared’. Every individual in every community has a right to peace and the quiet enjoyment of a home, a real home, not one where there is no peace; otherwise it is an additional environment of unrest, in addition to the street itself. The only difference is the separation of walls, which can make a so-called home even more dangerous than the open public space of ‘outside’.

‘Peace’, as so well defined by Dr. King, is one we can appreciate. It ‘is not the absence of tension, but rather, the presence of justice’. The latter can exist in many forms and on many levels. 'A threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere' is another of this great visionary’s memorable quotes. He was less inclined to first identify himself by the color of his skin than others were quick to do and thus relate to. He embraced calling every child his own, who are now our parents and grandparents, in the quest his shortened life only began; we have far to go in finishing the job, and looking around leaves much to be desired. How have we participated, and what can we do to insure that the next generation, our children, do not repeat history yet again?

We have all been ‘left out’ at many points in our lives; it is not the innocent or the weak who came into our world to bear the brunt of our anger and sense of injustice, however real or otherwise. We are cowards at any moment when anyone in our path becomes the recipient of displaced anger or resentment about either what we cannot control or another unreachable ‘oppressor’. Becoming ‘oppressors’ ourselves, knowingly or otherwise, only serves to reverse the efforts and disappoint the spirits of those who risked their lives for the freedoms we do have that we often take for granted.

The injustices are all around us; largely (in this country), they are often not ‘someone else’s fault’, were we only more aware, were we only more interested in what ‘freedom’ means to someone else. Ask. You will get many different answers. 'Community', in its ideal form, has order by the progressive and organized initiative of compassionate, aware, and pro-active souls who take responsibility from this moment forward that ‘outside’ forces can only harm us if we are unaware of each others’ unique and irreplaceable talents, gifts, and capacities. In failing to recognize, nurture, and utilize these natural resources in our own backyards and streets we have failed ourselves and those we see daily.

We are here together today to acknowledge and represent the strength of our collective talents and contacts. By actively and consistently engaging in and repeating the successes of those who carved paths before us to bring us where we are now, we are insuring a healthier and more just future for ourselves and our children. This begins by acknowledging and nurturing what we have now, both within our respective groups, and ourselves.

The exponential effect of simultaneously recognizing those with common visions near us, making it part of our mission to continuously communicate, locate, and build upon the collective and unique strengths of all who share a respect for the value of freedom, or the best for all concerned, is both the essence and heart of what organizing is. It is exactly the same kind of collective support and harmony exercised faithfully, intensely, and diligently over time that now enables our seats on the bus together, and our children in the same classrooms.

We must come together again in the same manner for what remains. If we succeed in copying the habits, faith, love, and acceptance exemplified by those we have now immortalized, we become like them. They were not gods, nor did they wish to be; they recognized their purpose, embraced it, and did not give up.

Their examples inspired others to join them; the power of their words and actions resonate today. It’s now our turn to do their bidding, not to put them on pedestals, but to join hands with their spirits, gather our numbers, and continue, if not finish what they came here to teach us. Only then, in our own skins, will we have something to truly be proud of, and that our children will as well.

Speech delivered at Medgar Evers College
11/7/07

Public Transportation

2007-10-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

In a nutshell: humanity up close and personal. There are those who live in major metropolitan areas and choose to get around this way throughout their lives; others eagerly await the day to move to where a car is actually required, regardless of the cost, with a primary objective being no longer having the unpredictable immediate proximity of strangers and what accompanies being a part of their daily travels. All we have is today, as events and tragedies continue to remind us, and will continue, until we 'get it'.

I may or may not be torn when the day comes that I will be choosing between the comfort of a 'new car smell' and the faces of unknown children, their parents, grandparents, those elated and in visible pain in one form or another, and the option of the shared commute.

A balance of some kind would be in order; the more we are able to feel good or at peace during available moments, the easier it is to move ever closer to our common visions, and to help others to go to a 'place' where they may be able to claim visions of their own. Sensitive souls are often at risk for 'high vibrations' being quickly lowered by others' pain, too close for comfort.

There is no invisible 'force field', 'immunity', or guaranteed 'shield' from what can affect us or others at any given moment. This 'lesson' continues to repeat itself in different forms, either to us or as we witness it happen to others. There is a dispair that comes with the feeling of helplessness when those we love are in pain that we cannot easily or quickly 'fix'. It can have a 'slowing effect' on momentum, real or imagined, as those we love become temporarily 'disconnected' by trauma, grief, and recovery. It is how humans survive; to bounce back as though nothing happened would be unnatural or questionable.

Happiness is a choice; joy is momentary and ongoing at the same time, as our connections to each other become ever more acknowledged and forces are joined, slowly, in waves, spurts, and 'sudden' revelations.

Pain and joy witnessed as a captive audience on a bus, train, ferry, or other means is filtered through the awareness of all who see them individually and differently by single and separate human perceptions, directly connected to invisible conditions within each person. Gender, culture, race, anger, joy, fear, comfort, and anticipation of the unknown are but a few of too many to count: the layers through which one 'sees' what's directly in front of them.

We do not see what the one next to us observes, if they do at all. To identify the layers, we must first identify ourselves; no two are the same. Each has its place. What moments to act on; which to 'ignore'? The answers can only be within our grasp by knowing ourselves. From the deafening din of the inescapable there is no 'quiet' to go within and 'listen'. We must find the places to find ourselves in every possible moment, and identify why we are 'there'. Can peace be found in chaos, or is the latter merely another perception; the answer is different according to whom you ask, and at what moment.

As this is being written the loud laughter of children is filling the air. As it is mostly happiness and enjoyment, there is no distraction. This is a privelege: to be surrounded by joy in this moment, unanticipated, appreciated, accepted, cherished. Every breath is a miracle, as is every child, who in the next moment will be on their way to the next 'unknown'. If there is any purpose in this, it is to be reminded that it is within our power to instill as much contentedness as we can for as many moments as possible. Collectively, the potential rewards are infinite.

Isolation has its place in appropriate proportion, as does being steeped in a sea of 'unknown' souls. 'Balance' is subjective or relative, with no 'correct' answers. We feel for the sorrows, however temporary, of those across this sphere we cannot see or speak to in this moment, knowing we are all connected in some way, yet to be revealed, in process, necessary, and toward a higher level of understanding.

The soul across the aisle during a public commute can seem as far away, by choice or otherwise, impenetrable, or screaming from within, if not literally, if 'seen' at all. 'The luxury of thought' beyond basic survival waves forward again, not unlike a giant flag in the wind. It can feel like silk, or as rough and stinging as burlap, according to where we stand, or sit, in this moment. Again, the 'contrast' is part of 'understanding'. The children remind us of 'simplicity' in all its beauty: why they are born. A validation by a 'stranger' can be remembered for a lifetime (as well as a violation, by the same, or someone trusted). Every day is a 'lifetime' of events. There is value in perspective, incomplete without the sum of its parts. There is love, and there is 'contrast'. In gratitude: the best possible moment to you, in the spirit of all kindred wishes.

What is an 'inconvenience'?

2007-09-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

BTW, 'friends' are now approaching 1000, though I haven't been online as much as 'would have liked' lately. Laughing and smiling create better energy, and crying doesn't help anyway. We may as well laugh; nothing is 'forever'. Yes we are often traumatized and must mourn; the latter is how we survive and function. Someday, more will understand. Just wasn't expecting this one, either, yet this is part of the journey.

Before I forget, as this is related to the original post that inspired in part the conception of this blog, the Global Initiative, or CGI convened at the U.N. this past week at a place that was also 'local'. However, as was the schedule not unlike what was described in the original post, I was needed elsewhere. Upon seeing the former president speaking with one of the most popular talk show hosts recently before this took place, I looked up what he had described on Google, though not diligently or persistently, and hadn't found anything. If I had, I may have found a way to be a part of it in some small way, or get together with some who were, had I known it was happening soon on a date not far off.

Apparently, this was not meant to be. Do I feel like I lost out? No. Some things are harder to grasp or comprehend than others, though for the most part (I'm told and often agree), that things happen for a reason. A 'fire was lit' under someone who was there, while I was 'tending to business' in places required elswhere in the city. From what they learned or were moved to action on at the U.N. was groundwork for our eventually getting together.

Some of the individuals who attended are already of acquaintance, others are not. Team members always accomplish more by being able to be in more than one place at once. Likewise, another group was also meeting in my mother's state; I was still needed and required here. It's only a matter of time before those there and I will be assessing where we go from here with common goals and visions; the latter is what brings us together. Who we are is joined by moving toward the same, meeting where those roads join, sooner or later. I'm just wondering at this moment who that I've already met were at which location while I also moved forward on the 'home front', not that this is really 'home' by literal description; it will be for those who choose so, and I see all of us smiling and laughing in concert with many children when the ribbon is cut in front of their new home: a place of hope, freedom, and promise.

What else to laugh about? Back to the start of today's post: what was done to stick to the commitment of making it for this month was a bit 'unusual'; could have been worse, like going to yet another borough had this one not had a library open on Sundays: a 'throwback' to where we were about two years ago, with only internet access from a library. We've been told than anyone can 'make it' on the internet, even if one doesn't own one at home or at a private place with unlimited time. I applaud those who say this in many places, though in locales like New York City, even giving someone in need at a critical time something like a free vehicle can have its drawbacks or 'downside'. Owning a car in a place like this is as often as not yet another 'high maintenance' proposition, as it's as expensive to maintain as rent costs in other parts of the country.

For related reasons, whereas it might be easy elsewhere in the US to maintain &/or build a website, do research, &/or successfully launch an online business from a public library; in a place like New York City when time permits there is only a maximum of an hour for any one session, and sometimes the wait can be hours (which I haven't done; when this happened, that's another day offline). My heart is again reminded of those now where we once were, as we laugh and smile as much as possible at the twists and turns along the way: like finding out the hard way that a computer has a lifespan, or not knowing the warning signs that time is limited for a full backup. Had gone so far as to get the drive to copy all painstakingly created files, just waiting for a block of time that permitted the transfer. Then one morning with no warning, 'friend' computer would no longer come on. Six years of work now wait for a data recovery specialist to return them to their creator. Today isn't the day, for that.

What not having our 'special friend' in the house 'caused' was a long walk in the neighborhood for new discoveries on one of the remaining beautiful days of late summer/early fall, when I might otherwise have been inside online, still approaching the 'turning point' for what will be shared with others as a result of this journey. We will make sure that it won't take others as long to reach their days of freedom; we had this journey first to carve the way for others, as others have before us for what we now take for granted. It's times like this that 'gratitude' means everything in terms of how we respond; how I would have done so at this time when things were so much worse would have been different. We can all make things different, just by 'seeing through different eyes', according to 'where we are'. I'm laughing and smiling today whenever possible, grateful for those I love who know so, and those who feel the same for me and others.

Friends that have doubled, again

2007-08-31T11:02:00.001-07:00

The end of the month again; I'm less and less 'at a loss for words'. The progress marker here is that I'm closer to being able to speak as well as I write more consistently. Years ago, during my 'formative' and single years in NYC, I read in a group invited and attended by a playwright and school friend The Velveteen Rabbit, about how when you love something enough, it becomes real. After reading the passage I'd selected, my friend said "You have to do this!", almost pleadingly, her eyes beginning to well with tears. She was referring to my going forward with the reason I'd come to New York: an acting career. I'm ready now, though still not for 'the public'. The young ones who are so talented are so good at 'being others' before they know who they are; I was not unlike them.

Then or shortly thereafter, doors were beginning to open; I stepped back from the threshold of where the journey had taken me, realizing my privacy and whatever love was to me at the time was worth more than mass attention.

I've found 'my place'; it's time to 'practice'. An 'advice column' the following is not; they're my responses to questions on a forum whose thread titles caught my eye. Often the answers do come from others' questions, as mentioned here before (also not by me originally either). I remain grateful for everything and everyone: those that continue to 'guide' as we move forward together.

Thread title: Happening upon money...

Several issues have arisen here, that make me first think of Joe Vitale, whom I deeply respect and admire. Ask him what it's like to live on the street, and you may get a different story than the generalization described and supported in this thread, both, with all due respect and acknowledgment of their kind intentions, do not appear to have had any personal experience with the concept of 'homelessness'.

It is these generalizations and lack of first-hand knowledge in working with 'homeless' individuals and others in related circumstances that contributes to their being regarded as a population 'unworthy' of 'charity', kept separate from those who make such judgments, who do so from lack of understanding of root causes that many in society contribute to by treating those less fortunate as 'undeserving'.

Many of these individuals may not 'come back' because of how they have been treated in their lives to a point that they now buy into the feeling of 'worthlessness', and carry it on. We are responsible for where they are, too. To go into detail of the realities of some of these lives would take too much here.

For now I'm merely pointing out that we cannot condemn someone whose shoes we have not walked in (or comment on those who have none) without better understanding or reconsidering what others have related that sticks as 'popular wisdom'. I'm not advocating directly giving money to someone on the street (we usually give food, or some coins to someone when my child asks); finding reputable and dedicated outreach programs is recommended for 'tithing': a term not restricted to 'religious' settings (see Mark Victor Hansen's The Miracle of Tithing, Jack Canfield's Chicken Soup partner, available as a free download).

As for pressure from 'churches', if this is a feeling that comes from such a setting, perhaps looking for a different spiritual environment could be on the agenda for anyone who may feel this way. Again another long conversation; some 'religious' congregations are more restrictive than others. If it doesn't feel right, holds one back in any way, or does not help in your intentions for being there, there's a reason.

Joe Vitale himself makes recommendations on giving and faith; he has a regular blog as well. Have an exceptionally abundant day.

Thread title: !!!!!VERY INSPIRING!!!!!!

I was drawn to the title you gave the thread, then found you were asking about your appearance and starting school, which is fine. Since I'm here and can't turn back the clock, nor did I have anyone to tell me what all of these wonderful souls have already offered you here, since you asked for more, I'll add my take, b/c you are at a critical age that is to your advantage for an incredibly prosperous and exemplary life. Here goes: Decide what you want, for you, nobody else. It doesn't happen just by asking yourself in an instant, though that's a recommended start. Pay attention to what stirs you.

What do you love to do, what would you do for free, and not think about having to make a living when you get out of school? There are teens now beginning to do just that, which wasn't nearly as possible when I was your age. Love about yourself what you feel no one else understands, that you feel you're an expert on. The rest will follow; doing this now will make the rest of your life perhaps someone who could go into the history books. Read the biographies of those who have done just that; many started early. Take advantage of the haven your school library is at this time in your life, which many your age (& others) do not have.

Do not compare yourself to your classmates, especially the ones who try to make you feel bad; they're not your friends. Do not engage in making others feel bad either, just to fit in. If you do all of these things, you'll be too busy to notice the exterior of your physical form is taking care of itself. Focus on eating healthy and getting as much exercise as you can, to keep the blood and energy in a constant flow to your brain and heart, especially since you're not finished physically growing. Teach yourself as well everything that's out there about money from those who really know (not your family, friends, or anyone who isn't already or nearly a millionaire), which wasn't as available before either.

You're growing up in an extraordinary time; there's no reason why you can't be, do, or have anything you want. Decide specifically what that is, and you will find tremendous joy in teaching others the same just by their being attracted to how you're doing it! It's yours for the taking, once you decide at this best time in your life.

Thread title: Can another person use their own intention...

We are all truly blessed to be in a community of such positive, involved, and engaged support; my applause and gratitude to all of you for your caring and wise words. My response can't really add much to the advice already so generously given.

It may seem extreme to contemplate leaving, though I wouldn't disagree; anything with this type of dynamic present will most likely only get worse. You may be 'holding out' for the relationship depicted in the movie that shows arguing turned around into affection by focusing on the partner's 'good points'; if this person has actually witnessed your interest and puts it down relentlessly, it may best to cut your losses and think about your own future in short order.

Many of us know how difficult and painful this can be, though the longer the delay, the greater the cost. Time cannot come back; how many friends do we know who have lost years of their lives waiting for the relationship they've invested years into to turn around? One of the teachers even said: 'You are the average of your top five most frequent contacts'. Jack Canfield in particular quotes this often from one of his original mentors. In choosing between 'good' and 'great', all ties that hold us back must be 'let go'.

We are responsible for finding our true bliss and giving back what each of us individually can in our own unique ways that no one can duplicate. Children and young people are waiting to learn from your example and legacy, contrary to what they have seen as more common. Please be 'uncommon', so that the next generation is further empowered to follow their dreams and not give it all up for one fully grown who will have to take care of themselves when you find the way to not let them hold you back.

This is so much easier said than done; there's never a 'good time' in these situations, so it's better now than 'another time'. "Take the first step", as begins "the journey of a thousand miles", do not look back, find 'yourself', and make sure every step that follows, every day, is 'forward': replace every hindering thought with a forward one, which has times more power, until the latter becomes habit. When it does, it won't be necessary to look back and see how far you've come; it will be obvious. Your dreams may include that person, in not giving up your wish for their peace, which they, like you, must find on their own, as we all do; it isn't your job to complete their 'world'.

You're surrounded by the right people when you feel better in having been with them; when your energy is less or you feel worse by having given to anyone who does not understand, it serves no one in investing your time there. So there you have it: another lengthy variation on what’s already been said; arrangements of words speaks to each of us differently. Did I plan this? No. Does having said it bring on better feelings? Yes. Will those take us closer to where we want to be? Yes. Best to all.

Finishing what another started; 'friends': over 300

2007-07-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

...Had never been there before, only heard of it and thought what most everyone else does who hasn't been there. I was wrong.

Over time, found a number of members who advocate for children; name the topic, someone has a page devoted to it. Many of these people have had horrible things happen to their children as well. Last week it was discovered that four times as many registered offenders were found there compared to the number estimated or calculated even earlier this year (two months ago). Many of this last sweep may have been identified because of the 'watchdog' members. The site that has been assisting with the Dateline series is there, where those arrested on the show were also found.

Another TV morning feature regarding this week's sweep aptly pointed out that those ID'd were registered offenders using their real names: they'd already been arrested and convicted of these crimes. They were also quick to mention that if these are the number of those who will actually use their names post conviction and 'on the street' again, think of how many more there are who do not use their own names &/or have not been caught. Whoever did this to that little girl was witnessed by someone, in a ‘private’ place.

Think of the number still, in this country, where there are no witnesses and it happens repeatedly, sometimes for years. The last thing I would want to do particularly here is detail a major 'downer' that has been encountered. Again, grateful for the one who brought this up; accountability begins in one way by zero tolerance of whatever could lead to so many getting away with so much. Our 'contrast' must shine a broad and exposing light in as many places as we can.

http://sheboygan-press.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070728/SHE0101/70728007/1973

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19939181/

[response by someone praising 'watchdog' group, saying they couldn't do the same]

Thank you; you're right, I couldn't either. We all have unique capacities, and I'm grateful for anyone having such strong feelings that lead them into taking positive action in order to protect others and prevent further harm. Since the last post, the story of the home invasion in Connecticut that wiped out an entire family was in the news again about the funerals; there was one survivor, now speaking through unbearable pain that we cannot go on 'as before'. ‘Wiped out’ simply means that no one in that family that includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins will ever be the same again; they are all now changed, and ‘life’ as they knew it is now permanently not like anything they had perhaps ever known before.

An accompanying article highlighted that now the residents are considering gun purchases: also not an appropriate solution. The issues that are the root causes cannot be addressed this way, though it's a 'logical' response. What is exemplified in our daily lives in the smallest ways speaks to our environment.

...We cannot go on as if bad things only happen to other people; with intentions that we have come to know, we may be less prone to tragedy, and fear serves no one. There are ways to be more than ‘spectators’ to Dateline, and still excel at what we each do best. We insure both our own well-being and that of others by living daily what we learn and can apply well respectively in our own unique ways, in what we act on and choose to exchange, with each other and in our communities. Bringing out the same in others in the ways we can and how those exchanges may cause others to choose of themselves to do more within the scope of their skills and talents comprise these possibilities. Now, take the last sentence and look at it in the negative; this is how the ‘other’ happens. This is where contrast comes in.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20015078

Thanks for asking...

2007-06-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

It's amazing sometimes what can happen when someone asks you the 'right' question at a significant time; some also say that an important lesson in life is what is acquired in knowledge or otherwise according to what is asked. This applies in ways both big and small.

Equally amazing that I would not only go to a site not well-regarded up to now by mainstream 'grown-ups' and respectfully comply with a request by a highly-regarded teacher and mentor which required a sign-up, which I did; I also became involved in this newfound 'culture' enough to begin building the resulting page into a mini-portal in its own right.

The concept of online 'friends' was introduced to me through another site I still use as a homepage. Someone asked me to be their 'friend'. Curious, having no idea what that meant, I followed the email alert that directed me to who had made the request, the site being one I trusted for all basic purposes. Not claiming to still grasp how others find each other in all possible ways, I soon became the 'friend' of a small group of 'like minds', many of whom had no more than a few philosophical sentences to describe themselves, sans photo, which was just as well. Who they are in the ways that 'matter' becomes illustrated by their words and sentiments in the trails of topics connected to their names, many of which I'm not aware of as they continue. We got to know each other upon participating in common 'threads' of supportive dialogue. Some go on to exchange emails or leave each other private messages; a few have met successfully, their common interests enriched, when in the same locales.

Who knew? This ever popular 'new' site, that I'd stereotyped along with the masses as a teenager's forum and typical accompanying parents' 'nightmare', as it's been mostly portrayed in the media, would also now contain pages by prominent notables, organizations, musical groups, politicians, and change agents, in addition to the rest it's most known for.

By the end of the third week, I'd located the page by those that helped corner who preyed on the under aged on national television. They became my 'friend', along with now over a hundred from directly or indirectly related purposes. It was now I who was making the requests, having been able to seek out the contacts of others through their 'friends', so accessibly displayed on their pages.

My criteria for accepting many is who does not portray others in any way that does not become them, even when it is they themselves who present in a way that's less about who they are 'inside'. To date, there are no g-strings or exposed abs in the less visible pages of the total number of 'friends' so far. I can't see it happening going forward, though 'never' say 'never'. Even a great humanitarian can have a great physique; I've yet to see one, however, who took away from the whole of their 'gifts' by allowing the former to become their first impression.

Event of the Month

2007-05-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

I went to this that is my official first blog (there are now others on other sites yet to be developed; as they contain 'blog' options on 'main' pages) after several weeks of not being back for awhile. Returned because I was entering my profile into another site that requested a webpage, and I thought this was appropriate for where it was going, until I reflected on the content for 'public consumption'.

What are the odds that these musings would be seen and interpreted out of context or used in a way that's not in the original spirit? Well, during the month I ran into vacationing family members in a city of many millions at the exact moment they were on the same subway platform. If that can happen, anything can. I also noticed that the entries already here were each from a previous month, and that nothing had been added for this one.

After pondering for a moment, I decided another page created on another forum was better for now. I'd started it because a mentor had requested 'saying hello' on his page there, and I had to join to follow through. 'NBD', as this generation now texts, which I don't ('no big deal'). There is now represented there individuals of all ages and backgrounds, including politicians (!). It's been a site I've unconsciously avoided until just recently, due to its being known for catering to a younger crowd, not to mention those who 'look' for the same. It's wishful thinking to entertain that just because a full cross-section of the country online now goes there that the questionable activities have diminished, but I can dream can't I?

So, as I immediately put myself under pressure simultaneously creating a 'profile', letting the world know I exist where like minds have been known to gather, while wondering what profound bit of 'universal' wisdom could be added here. A month passing with no entry was not an option; I knew I could come up with something.

As 'luck' would have it, and to my astonishment, as I hadn't recorded anywhere the page ID that was where I'd created it: on the page itself, I went to the site and instead of entering a username and password, I entered my name in the search box. What came up wasn't my page, though my name certainly did. I hadn't noticed that it was my first name on the actual page I'd created (which is just fine).

The search results had referenced a quote of mine I'd recorded on the web some time ago elsewhere. I remember what had inspired it (another mentor's inquiry), and it remains entirely mine, though how they found it remains a mystery. It wasn't just one reference to my now 'famous' quote, listed amongst others who are either well-known or 'immortal', but two! I went to the pages linked to the search results and was pretty overcome. Both who had chosen to include my words seemed to have obtained them from different sources, nor would they necessarily know each other; the chronology and how it was listed was completely different.

The Event of the Month came to me within seconds of my summoning the inspiration, a natural law in action, in a way whatever conscious ability I have now to create was 'topped'; what I expected to find searching for 'myself' illustrated that I'd been 'discovered' by others, and quoted no less. Little do they know I'm right there with them, another 'first name', grateful for certain 'secrets', for now.

Name of offender known by enough

2007-04-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

Written 4/12 p.m. during AC360 (get-well wishes to the NJ Gov., representing another form of fallout that is only beginning): As I write this, he's with them "apologizing" and "tears are being shed". All from one person with 'influence' and an accepted illusion of 'power' having verbally denigrated them, once. Imagine what it's like for hundreds of thousands of women in relationships that have reached the threshold of 'dangerous', also 'acceptable' to the point that if she reaches out for help, it isn't considered 'serious' unless there are documented records of physical abuse; to answer the most 'predictable' question in advance, she doesn't leave because 75% of violent incidents occur when she tries to leave or afterward (sometimes years later), even if 'nothing' happened previously within the household.

And while we're on the subject, the media is now saying that the Duke rape 'victim' is now a 'liar', because her allegations could not be substantiated. According to law, it may or may not have happened; there were simply no 'reliable or credible' witnesses or 'evidence'. By the same token, the players may or may not have been guilty, and are now getting 'applause' as 'innocent'. One of them said, they 'could only imagine' what it would have been like for someone with limited or no resources, like the 'alleged' victim, perhaps? The person 'apologizing' here is merely doing so for expressing 'bias' before 'all' was presented. Usually the bias is simply not so obvious or visible.

If it happened, they can go and do it again, even smarter now and reinforced for what they got away with (like OJ). They could be 'innocent', the point is as in the former scenario the same 'legal' tactics are used against real victims who come out to save themselves (usually with children involved), only to be dismissed or further legally abused because the 'only' witness was a child (with no acknowledged rights), and requests for protection are denied or ignored. Many die this way, literally or spiritually, in this country, often.

"parallel events"

2007-03-03T18:59:00.000-08:00

Seems it's that time of year: everything is happening at once, and in one 'body' I often 'wish' lately I could be three places at one time, or be able to take calls in the middle of meetings or while empathetically listening to the concerns of a longtime friend. Though in the infinite wisdom of the universe, this 'body' doesn't do any of those things, so perhaps that the event that caught my attention at past the half-point had its own purpose in occurring when other significant things were going on.

I'm letting it all go, and passing it on, making a note that this time next year, 'our' world will be different, and those of us whom I've been blessed to make contact with up until this time are aware that perhaps it might be good to schedule our annual events at times that do not overlap so that we can all share more, and be there for each other, for what we have in common. My 'job' (or 'joy') is passing on what can't be absorbed in just one 'body', not taking for granted that something of significance always is on the radar of those we might 'expect' to know the same: why we choose to be there for each other. So this time next year and in the interest of all the moments in between, making time for each other during our annual events that are often consuming will happen at times when we can at least know of each other, so that purposes in common can move forward together. And to be perfectly clear, I mean the collective 'we', not just 'me' and 'you':

"Parallel Events organised by UN Missions, UN Entities and Inter-Governmental Organizations"

The entry that follows the links is condensed from the comprehensive schedule that began last week and continues into this one, during which I'll be attending other events that took as much time to plan (by many equally dedicated souls); my intention is that those that created these and where we were know more about each other going forward. The respective causes merit collaboration, so that more children have more opportunity sooner still. You may know more of the acronyms than I do. Feel free to share.

http://www.un.org/womenwatch/daw/conf/seforms/dspUNcalendar.asp

http://www.un.org/womenwatch/daw/conf/seforms/dspUNcalendarUN.asp

It began with: Launch of the International Knowledge Network of Women in Politics [iKNOW Politics], then...

ICT is the Key: Global Development, Empowerment, and Gender Equality, the Elimination of Discrimination and Violence against Girls and Young Women

AIT Global
and co-sponsored by:
Division for the Advancement of Women, Global Alliance for ICT and Development (GAID), Department of Public Information, InfoWorld, CIO, and CSO; IBM and AMD

Breaking the cycle of violence against girls -from child labour to education

ILO

Financing for gender equality and the empowerment of women

CSW Bureau
and co-sponsored by:
UN Division for the Advancement of Women

Partnerships for protection in the education of girls

UNICEF

A (Afghanistan) to Z (Zimbabwe) of Tackling Discrimination against Women and Girls

Permanent Mission of the United Kingdom to the United Nations
and co-sponsored by:
Womankind

The role of men in promoting gender equality: The experience of the EU

European Commission
and co-sponsored by:
The Mission of Germany and the Mission of Finland

UN Special Rapporteurs, the Human Rights Council and NGO Networking at the 51st Session of the UN Commission on the Status of Women

OHCHR
and co-sponsored by:
Office of the High Commissioner for Rights, International Federation of Women Lawyers, WUNRN

Gender-sensitive indicators and measurements of change

UNDP

How to reach the most marginalized & invisible girls?

UNICEF

State of the World's Children and Women: The double dividend of gender equality

UNICEF

Global Summit for a Better Tomorrow

DESA NGO Section
and co-sponsored by:
Virtue Foundation

Breaking Barriers: Achieving Balance in Numbers and Work Life

OSAGI

ASK ME, I'LL TELL YOU

International Psychoanalytical Association Trust
and co-sponsored by:
Committeeon the Status of Women

Working to Change Girl's lives from the ground up

Rotary International
and co-sponsored by:
Rotary International, Soroptimist and Zonta

The Role of Men and Boys in ending Discrimination and Violence against girls.

International Council of Jewish Women
and co-sponsored by:
Zonta

Legislative Advocacy on the Elimination of Violence and Discrimination Against the Girl Child

International League for Human Rights
and co-sponsored by:
Friends of Africa International

Women on the Edge

Manhattanville College

Saving girls, saving the world: Beyond gender equality, moving toward girls' right

International Association of Educators for World Peace

Violence and the Mental Health Consequences for the Girl Child

World Federation for Mental Health
and co-sponsored by:
International Association of Schools of Social Work

Echoes of Eve

National Council of Women of the United States Inc.
and co-sponsored by:
Sub-Committee for the Elimination of Racism of the International NGO Committee on Human Rights, American Physiological Association, Nat'l assoc. of Negro Bus& Prof. Women's Clubs, Inc

No excuses: Defending Women’s and Children’s Rights in Times of Terror

Joan B. Kroc Institute for Peace & Justice
and co-sponsored by:
San Diego United Nations Association - Women's Equity Council

Realizing Girls' Entitlement to Quality Public Services

International Confederation of Free Trade Unions
and co-sponsored by:
Education International; Public Services International

The importance of mothers to the girlchild

Associated Country Women of the World

Caucus

Role of Men & Boys in Achieving Gender Equality Review Topic

UN Conference

Rural Women and Violence against Girls

Rural Development Leadership Network
and co-sponsored by:
TBA

School for violence: how young people learn their roles

Womankind Worldwide

Books and Bagels

International Women's Tribune Center IWTC

The impact of discrimination on a girl’s health

World Association of Girl Guides & Girl Scouts

Improving the treatment of women and girl children in prison

Penal Reform International

Sexual Exploitation and the Girl Child

Coalition Against Trafficking in Women
and co-sponsored by:
UNANIMA International

Introducing Women Founders Collective: for Women Founders of NGO's

Project Kesher
and co-sponsored by:
Women Founders Collective

How little resources can protect girl child from getting Fistual & lower child mortality

Zenab for Women in Development, Inc.
and co-sponsored by:
Nation to Nation Networking

Not only victims: Girls as social change agents

International Fellowship of Reconciliation
and co-sponsored by:
IFOR Women Peacemakers Program

The Girl Empowerment Strategy under the Concept of Gender Mainstreaming

Simply Help, Inc.

Creating Global Change with the UN Study on Violence vs Women

Zonta International
and co-sponsored by:
International Council of Women, Soroptimist Int'l, BPWI, IFUW

Female Infanticide

Worldwide Organization for Women

WOMEN’S RIGHTS ACROSS OUR BORDERS: Root Causes in an Uprooted World

International Women Judges Foundation

Drawing attention to the issue of women in decision-making - The other side of discrimination and violence against women and the girl-child

Centro di Ricerca e Documentazione Febbraio 74
and co-sponsored by:
ASDO - Assemblea delle donne per lo sviluppo e la lotta all’esclusione sociale (Assembly of Women for development and the Struggle Against Social Exclusion

Violence Against the Girl Child: Consequences Across the Life Span

NGO CSW NY Subcommittee on Violence Against Women

Crimes Of Honor Against Girls & Women

Asia Pacific Forum on Women, Law and Development

Towards The Health and Well - Being of the Girl- Child

International Health Awareness Network

Small Funders: Big Ideas

Virginia Gildersleeve International Fund, Inc.
and co-sponsored by:
Project 5-0

The girl child in the indigenous communities, violence, vulnurability and a constructive way forward

VIVAT International
and co-sponsored by:
NGO Committee on the UN International Decade of the World's Indigenous Peoples

Too Young to Wed: Ending Child Marriage in Developing Countries

International Center for Research on Women (ICRW)
and co-sponsored by:
International Center for Research on Women, UNICEF

Violence of the girlchild in work situations: challenges and responses.

International Alliance of Women
and co-sponsored by:
FIDA, NYWBA

Legal Mechanisms to Protect the Girl Child from Neglect, Abuse and Punishment from around the World

International Federation of Women Lawyers FIDA

Womanhood and motherhood: how to be a world changer

Endeavour Forum Inc.

Discrimination and Violence against the Girl Child: Health Disparities

Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
and co-sponsored by:
NCNW, NAACP, Links

Forming Movement of Girls and Boys Against Violence and Discrimination

Kenya Alliance for the Advancement of Children
and co-sponsored by:
NGO Committee on UNICEF

Advancing the Human Rights of Girls: NGOs' approaches in Moving Girls' Rights Forward

Canadian Federation of University Women
and co-sponsored by:
1. Canadian Federation of University Women and 2.The National Council of Women of Canada

Health of Girl Child is Global Wealth

Medical Women's International Association
and co-sponsored by:
National Council of Women( NCW) , American Medical Womens Association(AMWA)

Media exploitation of girls as a form of violence against girls

National Alliance of Women's Organizations
and co-sponsored by:
UK Asian Women's Conference, Women's National Commission, European Women's Lobby and International Council of Jewish Women

The importance of valuing women's caregiving work in the elimination of discrimination against women and the girl child

Federation Europeenne des Femmes Actives au Foyer

WWSF Circles of compassion to help meet UN MDGs

Women's World Summit Foundation
and co-sponsored by:
The Millionth Circle

Legal Perspectives for Advancing the Status of Women and Girls Invitation Only

International Federation of Women in Legal Careers FIFCJ & Partners

Building a Mentally Healthy Environment to Promote Gender Equity for Girls

World Federation for Mental Health
and co-sponsored by:
Mental Health Association

Lift Your Voices

United Nations Association of San Diego
and co-sponsored by:
United Nations Association Pasadena-Foothills Chapter; Fifty-Fifty Leadership

Mothers Empowering Daughter, a panel of experts including the US Parents of the Year in a presentation on Conference related issues.

Association of United Families International

UN Reform and Gender Architecture: Where Do We Stand? Part 2

International Women's Tribune Centre
and co-sponsored by:
Asia-Pacific Women’s Watch

Protecting the Girl Child HIV/AIDS Orphans

Lawyers Without Borders

Girls Building Peace

Worldwide Organization for Women
and co-sponsored by:
World Vision, International Federation of Univeristy Women

UN Security Council Resolution 1325

International Women's Tribune Center IWTC

Fighting the Good Fight: Women's Right Activism in an Era of Global Crisis

Women's Learning Partnership for Rights, Development, and Peace

Workshop on the Responsibility to Protect and Peacebuilding Commission

World Federalist Movement
and co-sponsored by:
World Federalist Movement-Inst. for Global Policy and Centre for Conflict Resolution

World Peace Begins at Home

Worldwide Organization for Women
and co-sponsored by:
World Peace Parents

Patriarchy and its Impact on the Girl Child

PDHRE

WORKING WITH BOYS AND MEN TO END DISCRIMNATION AND VIOLENCE AGAINST GIRLS

International Save the Children Alliance
and co-sponsored by:
SAVE THE CHILDREN

Challenges Confronting Women's Leadership

National Council for Research on Women

Mental Health Implications of Violence and Discrimination against the Girl-Child: Prevention and Interventions

NGO Committee on Mental Health

Women Rights, Child abuse and Human Rights

Peace Worldwide
and co-sponsored by:
Peace Worldwide

The Secretary General’s Report on Violence against Children: Eradicating Sexual Exploitation

Women's Bar Association of the State of New York WBASNY

CSWs: Institutional mechanisms to enhance the status of women and girls

Women's Commission Research and Education Fund (National Association of Commissions for Women)

TheGirl Child: Critical Awareness -impact of global media

National Council of Women of the United States Inc.
and co-sponsored by:
Nat'l Assn of Negro Bus& Prof Women's Clubs, Knowledge Trust,