Belated Valentine's

Next to my favorite boy, Valentine gifts passed on for the first time this year. Just happy to be in the same place having arrived safely with the most important person in my world.

Asking..."the secret"

...gotten so much more by asking, and taking risks, especially since feeling like life may either end from abuse or cancer, which have both happened at different times. Realizing you have been spared for a reason is powerful, though at the same time we witness things every day that make no sense, like children suffering needlessly so that others can profit, and God help the 'whisteblowers'.

In a nutshell, the journey is far from over, though pride and shame is lost when you've felt so close to death, or you're fighting for the life of a child or children. After such experiences, you're much less afraid to look silly or do things others may criticize. Just find more [who prosper], and do what they do, whenever possible: easier said than done.

...would agree with all of this, with the exception of many trying to come out of poverty or abusive relationships caught in systemic webs that all but completely sabotaged them in their last resort efforts in seeking 'help'.

A New Year's Eve To Remember

Car out. Son in. Santa was unable to deliver what was ordered, as an elf decided to keep them for himself, or something like that. So the money went back into the account, and I woke up the next morning with phone calls to make before a wonderful child woke up. I had agreed to keep the money until he could locate another of what the elf decided to keep, which he said shortly after awakening would be a week or so.

Had already made most of the necessary business calls, and had also pulled out of the coat pocket the business card of the privately owned pet store where a rather rare pink bird had been admired over time, since one of our other beloveds had suddenly passed and I had been quickly looking for another similar, so the grief would not be so bad for so long. In that earlier search the pink oversized parakeet/undersized parrot had been seen. Had been back since having found another like the one we had lost, to consider the possibility and logistics of transporting another during the holiday season with family visits on the agenda. It was mental gymnastics, for days on end until the day before, when the car seemed to have other plans.

It could have been worse: a total loss for costs equivalent to the value of the car, which turned out to be only a percentage of that, as if the price tag were bearable, which it really wasn't. Won't have recovered from not seeing family on a critical day and time for quite awhile yet. Wonderful Son made it as bearable as possible. Would not have wanted to spend that kind of time with anyone else.

Upon explaining what remained of the day and discussing the days ahead, the bird came into the conversation, and Son's eyes lit up at the same time his body seemed to fill with energy. He was dressed and ready to leave sooner than any other day in recent memory.

The taxi arrived in front of where breakfast had been planned sooner than anticipated, so we got in and picked up breakfast at the destination instead, a few doors from the pet store, which turned out to be better. There was another bird he liked just as much or better; there were three of them, and one of the rare one. We played with all of them, then decided on the latter, for today.

Just like who could not take the place of our first lost beloved, though loved as much than before, being in between the fabric of his clothing layers, this one today was just as friendly and took to him just as much, in her own unique way.

It was hard to leave again out into the cold after holding her and introducing her to her new home, though we managed to get to dinner at one of his favorite restaurants and get back before the festivities of the evening could be felt on the streets, while holiday lights still flickered and moved in front lawns on the way home. He had been so wonderful, and today had been no exception. The joy of the day was fleeting; it has been hard keeping the sadness of tomorrow at bay, until we are together again.

"Blog Day"

The last day of the month, except when I'm completely overwhelmed and forget what day it is, even if I've thought of it earlier in the day. Not even a blip on the radar from disclosing a 'family secret' from anyone who is even remotely connected, not that I expected any necessarily. If anything, I expected someone to be angry. No one in particular, really. It shows just how much people actually link to what's provided in an email signature, or where it might be otherwise located.

It had to come out: the only time I can ever remember while still very young being 'happy' upon finding out that someone had died. He was loved by his mother, the author of a hand written family saga with a much better memory for names and people than I have right now. He was also a child predator, of family members. Nothing all that new given the statistics; it just so happens it was in our family, too. The fact is this came out after the victim(s) were far into adulthood; old enough to be a grandparent themselves. The truth is it came out when it was happening, and nothing was done, nothing I was made aware of.

Maybe there was a threat by a father who was more abusive in a different way; maybe he was never asked to come around again to do 'handyman work' around our house. One thing is for sure, if Grandpa had been told, his nephew (I didn't know he was a blood relation at the time), our family handyman may have mysteriously disappeared, off the planet.

Grandpa was a strong positive patriarch, 'man of the church', and former police officer, with lots of guns, as all the male relatives had in those parts, in those days. Grandpa had no 'record', of course, though had he found out his granddaughter had been affected multiple times by this person, 'heaven only knows' what the consequences may have been. Maybe that was what the adults involved were afraid of in not letting it get very far, at all.

All the child knew at the time was that no one did anything, even when they told. And it wasn't the first time something had happened. There were others, like the next door neighbors before we had moved. No memory if anyone was told until again in adulthood, which was met with anger for causing stress. What about the child? What about feeling at the time that no one would listen or do anything anyway.

Grandpa only had a second grade education, forced to go work in the coal mines at age ten for literally pennies. He was wise and smart, and fortunate to be a hard worker not bound by educational requirements in being able to earn a living and provide for his family, unlike today. I wish he had known enough to go to the police himself after he had retired when I was being bullied in school to recover something precious that we knew who took it. The emotional impact was the same. Don't bother telling or 'pushing it', 'you're not worth it', no one will care enough to make it right: that's how it felt. It's what I won't forget, and how I can remember and feel or understand a child's emotions.

Family Secrets, Concluded?

The lady I don't ever remember meeting that was Grandpa's sister was the mother of someone I was told or had the impression was a 'friend of the family'. To say he acted 'inappropriately' on more than one occasion would be a serious understatement. I didn't know we were actually related when he did what he did more than once. I told and nothing was done.

Having read my great aunt's story and referring to her son I realized perhaps for the first time this was my grandfather's nephew. Grandpa was the patriarch of the family and an ex policeman. Had he found out what his nephew had done to his granddaughter, he may have taken the law into his own hands.

Grandpa was a deacon in the church, with a perfect driving record, who would do anything to protect his family. He could have seriously harmed or 'taken out' his nephew for violating his granddaughter. Maybe that's why no one told him, or nothing was done.

When this person passed away, I was relieved, and even happy. Have not felt that way about a death before or since.

Family Secrets Saga, 'Concluded'

"...when I first started to school it was two large rooms. then they built another room upstairs. it was where the High School is now. my first Teacher was Miss Sadie Kincaid, a fine teacher and then Miss Ella Bailey. then her brother Henry Baily. Mr. Groves and our Teachers would have Prayer and singing be-fore we went in-to our classes those were good old days. I always hated to miss a day. but I dont I ever did get to go to school a whole week at a time with out missing a day or two. as I was the oldest I always had to stay at home on wash day after I got large enough to help her wash. of course that was on the washboard method all day some job. I sure praise the man that invented washing machines. and how. I never went only through the fifth grade. in those days they didn't compell you to send your children to school so I am glad I got to learn what I did as I said after we moved from Sugar creek. to Packs Branch where we lived in that air conditioned house. I went the last three months at Packs Branch School. and did I enjoy going. My Teacher was Miss Martha Susan Windgrove. and I loved her very much. those were good old days. and some of my old School Mates are still around there was Jack Rhodes, Mark Rhodes Emma Cusick, Clara Pack. but Some have passed on. lots of pleasant memories. In those days we had to walk to School. we had some very deep snows to go through but we didn't mind it abit it was fun. we never had cars to go evry where in then like we do now. I remember the first drive I ever took with my boy friend Dock. he went to the Livery Stable here in town and hired a horse and buggy to take me in so we went driving over to Oak Hill to have dinner with his sister Pasa Tucker. I sure got a kick out of that. over dirt roads and bumpy. we had no hard roads much then. well things have sure changed since this episode.

Well I must say a few words about my Uncl John;s family he and his wife Aunt Leleia were both fine people. us cousins would love to visit with one another. there was Glennie, Cara, Myrtle, Dola - Oakie, Garnet, Elmer, Georgia, Jessie then there was Uncle Charles and Aunt Anna Sinks family. we all enjoyed be-ing to-geather abd we did have some good times to-geather. There was 12 children in this family. George [dead] Clyde [dead], May, Maggie Sadie Goldie Earl Sammie, Ambrose [dead], Gertrude [dead] Edith Glayds. at the time we all grew up togeather they lived at McDonald. May and Gladys still live here in Mt. Hope now they moved from McDonald. into a home of their own and have lived here ever since Earl and Sam live on Maple Fork they both have nice homes over there- well any way some live one place some another. it is strange but true. Oh wll we are all going down the other side of the mountain."

Well, that concludes thirty nine pages of Grandpa's sister's family account of life in their time where I grew up. We are all grateful to her for her permanent contribution to our family history...

Grandpa's Sister Continues Her Family Saga

" ...as I was telling you about our house on the corner we had a lot of happy days there it was in this house that Louise had scarlet fever. and I thought she would die but the Lord heard my prayers. Gilman got hiss knee cut on glass and was crippled for a long time. in fact they all called him (Crip) for a long time but he got Ok from that. not to mention many more little odds and ends. Oh well as I was saying we had lived there eight years and Dock came home one day and said do you want to sell the house. it shocked me off my feet. and then he told me there is a man from Glen Jean wants to buy our house. he offered me $22.50.00 for it and wanted it in 10. days. so we made up our minds fast. so at that time my mother had bought a strip of land. which contained 5 lots so we bought 2 lots from her for $300.00. we put up a tent on the lots and lived in the tent un-till we got two rooms so we could live in them un-till we could get the house finished we got Mankins and Crouch from Beckley to build our house. it was $1600.00 turn key job. so I said when I moved in here it was my last move un-till they took me out in a box. but we never know what can happen in this old world of ours. we have so many ups and downs it is mostly downs. Dock and I both worked awful hard to have our home. and we were very proud and thankful for it. but then as the years passed his health failed him and the Lord called him away Feb. 3rd 1937. Gilman and his wife Pat were living in Beckley at that time. Mr. Fred Deal was boarding with us and Jencil Wees was staying here with us. at that time we had 3 or 4 cows on leased land and sold milk Jencil helped with them we paid him by the week and boarded him. he was a fine boy to work. he is Madge Walker's first husband and father of her two oldest sons Earlen and Russel Wees. he was killed in a car wreck. Then she married Boob. Walker. Well any way after Dock died Jencel never would come back to help me. so I had to make it the best I could. Mr. Deal was an awful good man. he soon left. Gilman and Pat and Frank came to stay here with me. and then after a year passed Mr. John W. Perry and I were married he was 79. and I was 51. Well he was a real good husband. and his money helped me to keep my home and we were happy to-geather even though he was much older than I. we had one another for companion ship it sure did mean a lot he needed some one and so did I. he lived ten years and he died. but I can say he sure was crazy about me and I miss him a lot. but the Lord knows best so that is that and well do we know it. Well after Mr. Perry and I were married. Gilman and Pat moved up in Green Brier Co. to Charmco. and stayed there for a while then they moved to Oak Hill W.Va. and then Pat was not well and Gilman had to be goone away from home at that time, so they moved over here with Mr. Perry and I. they have been a help to me and I have been a help to them and we are still all living to-geather here at the present time. Mr. Perry has passed on and Frank is married as I said before so I am just plodding along and doing the best I can I dont know how much longer I will plod. the Lord only knows that. Well this is Sunday Feb. 10 1957. this is the day Gilman is supposed to come home from the Hospital sure hope he does. the Sun is shining beautiful today I am so thankful for it. we have been having so much rain. I have been going like a house on fire for several days now. but there is one thing I forgot to mention and as you can tell by all this writing I have done misspelling and such I don't have very much education. but what I have got I got here in Mt. Hope. all except the last three months I went to school. of which I will tell you later as I go along."...

Family Secrets VI

Thanks to anyone who has actually been following this blog. It's hard to imagine it's been so long since not only making a family entry, but skipping months in addition: both signs that life has been a little intense. The following is the next segment in the real life family secrets handwritten tome by my grandfather's sister.

"I must say a few words about my youngest sister Agnes Batten she and her husband Earnest Batten reared one son Clarence E. Batten. he and his fine wife Evylen live at Smithers W.Va. at present they have two fine little girls. he drives one of those large tank TEXACO oil trucks. speaking of trucks I forgot to say that Gilman has been truck driver for the Applachain power co for over 20 years he recieved his 20 year pin with 4 real diamonds in it. one diamond for every five years this is a wonderful company and have sure been grand to him. I cant thank them enough for their kindness to him. Oh yes I forgot to tell you about my moving sister Ella. of course I think she takes it after our mother you remember I told you how she liked to move. Well Ella is a chip off the old block. she has moved so much, she is ashamed to call and have her utilities changed again I hope she will stay where she is for a while now. here is hoping so anyway.

Well getting back to my relatives I forgot to say I had another uncle Will Wees. he is younger than I believe uncle John well anyway, he married Ida Waters and they reared a family of children too. there was Bettie Grace Charlie and Elsia then he and his wife seperated. and some time after that he went down on Paint Creek at Morton, W. Va. and met a Mrs. Blizzard and married her. they were both good Christians and were very active in church work. but has now passed on. but they always lived away from us so we couldent visit very much with them. as I said be-fore I had an Aunt Susan and Uncle Tom Holt. he came from Ill. to these parts as a school teacher. so he and Aunt Sue got married. they also reared a family Ida, Lizzie, Clara Tommie Bessie and Vivian. they are the ones that lived on my mothers old home place high up on a mountain in the country. so this was always heaven to me to get to go up there and visit with them they always made you feel so welcome. I will always remember the good old days we spent to-gether when we were young. Clara and I are about the same age. Lizzie was older, she weighed over three hundred pounds. she died of dropsy. she was never married. Ida the oldest married Meltz Wiltshire. Clara married Grover Pack. Bessie married Ed Beasley. and Vivian married Basil Hinkle. I forgot who Tommie married. but he has passed on now too. Well enough of that I will now say a few things about our moving around. as I said when Dock and I were married we started house keeping on Sherwood Hill. there used to be a double row of houses on top of that hill. then there was a large company store along there where Mrs Carter lives now. but when the mines worked out the store and all those houses on top of the hill were torn down. and took away We moved off the hill down close to the mines. and here is where I lived when Gilman was born. in Mar. 5, 1911. Well we lived there until he was eight weeks old then we moved to Oswald. we lived there for some time then we moved to Price Hill then and from Price Hill to Skelton, then back to Price Hill. In the mean time Dock had a good friend that he ran around with. by the name of Charles Renick at that time Mrs. Renick was book keeper for New River Co. he owned two lots down at Dunbar W.Va so got to talking to Dock to buy one of his lots. he asked $5,00.00 for the one lot Well we talked it over and desided we would take it. he let us have it $10.00 down $10.00 per month, so after we had paid $150.00 on it we found out we couldent build a house on it under $2000.00 so he had a chance to sell his contract to a man for $250.00. so he sold it and then, he was talking with Mr. Garret at that time he was Squire Garret. he is Pat Garretts Dad - so he told Dock he had a house for sale. he told him he would sell it to him for $650.00 $100.00 down and $12.50 per month until he got it paid for. so that was the deal. we bought it and then in the mean time we had moved to another house at Price Hill. so we moved into our own house for once in a life time. it is now that old two story house back of a beer joint on the corner at the stop light. Well as I said we moved in after we got it cleaned up. A colored woman by the name of Lil Hill had lived in the house be-fore we moved in so it was a mess. full of filth and cockroaches well anyway we finally got it live-able so we lived there for eight years. we had very fine neighbors and a host of friends Mr. and Mrs. Ambros Lemasters, Charley Perry and wife Dachie Gus Pinson, and Maggie but it seemed Mrs. Lemasters and us were very close friends. I love her as a sister. and her Grand son as my own child. Clarence Wray was his name he and Gilman grew up to-geather they were just like brothers to one another Clarence's mother, Hazle. they always called her (Cat). was Mr. and Mrs. Lemasters only child. so they were very crazy about her. so she went to school here in Mt. Hope and she and her boy-friend eloped to-gether they went to Charleston and were married she wrote a letter right back to her parents tell them about it. they boys name was Clarence Wray a real fine boy. he worked in the mines at Derry Hale. they went to house keeping there. it hurt Mr. and Mrs. Lemasters very much. after they went to house keeping, Mrs. Lemasters would go down to see her most every day. then she rode the K. GJ and E. train. but her dad never did go. then they had been married a month or two when he was killed suddenly in the mines. A kettle bottom fell from the roof of the mines. so she got to come back home. she was pregnant with Clarence when the girl grieved and worried so much over her husband, her folks were as good to her and her baby as they could be. but she came down with T.B. and when Clarence was 15 months old, his mother died. so they buried her in Wild Wood Cemetary in Beckley W.Va. so Mr. and Mrs. Lemasters reared Clarence and was always good to him. he had a good home. he soon grew up and found him a mate by the name of Virgie Patton they were married. thier first child was born dead. but they have reared four more children. Carrol Hazle Clarence and Patty. Carrol is now married and lives in Texas-poor Virgie had a nervous break down and is in Ill. at present Clarence has to be Mother and Dad to the children. but after all they have made it. I think he has done a pretty good job after all I only hope and trust that things will turn out good for all of them. well enough of this."...

Independence Day, 2065

It is the year 2065; I am the granddaughter of one of many who fought in the last century for the personhood of women and children in the United States. This was a difficult and complicated war for my grandmother, because it involved exposing so many practices that went on behind closed doors the public was deliberately made unaware of, or laws were passed in the wake of tragedies that lawmakers of the time failed to recognize were taking away what Constitutional rights existed before and during the early days of the millennium.

What didn’t exist in the previous century was the enforcement of individual rights for women and children. In the Constitution, the word ’person’ means and had been acted out in the practice of law and government as ’household’. This meant most women and children had no individual rights when actual protection was needed under law. Because so many people were not aware of this or didn’t go through something knowingly where their personal rights or survival were at stake, only those who sought protection as a last resort for their safety or the safety of their children found out at the worst possible time that the result they expected from what they knew as law often rendered an opposite result. It was Alice in Wonderland or the Twilight Zone, only real, and unimaginable to anyone who had not gone through it themselves.

The mentality of the public, shaped by media, government, and organizations who stood to continue gaining from keeping the public thinking differently tried to make my grandmother and her contemporaries look like they were only acting for themselves. In the public eye, according to the media, what happened to them must have been from something they did wrong or was a ‘mistake’ that didn’t happen very often. To make things worse, when my grandmother was my age, the United States remained the only other country besides Somalia (which had no government) not to ratify the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. The practices that affected my grandmother and the children of those like her did go on in other countries, though in others, they didn’t.

Then after the events of September 11, 2001, The Patriot Act practically took away all Constitutional rights, allowing those in power to control the lives of people in the country more than ever. The president at the time had been quoted as wishing he could be a dictator; this was as close as he could get to accomplishing that, and the damages from the act and other practices affected anyone who wasn’t wealthy for generations. Many children, women, and others who were struggling without help died from negligence or abuse, while the root causes for the deaths were covered up and those responsible were not made accountable.

It was mostly men in power and women who were uninformed or supportive of those men without their own knowledge or who thought they were benefiting from such support (unknowingly or otherwise at their expense) that carried out the damages without a second thought or conscience for the consequences of their actions. They remained unexposed until my grandmother with others like her came together after their children had lost their childhoods to these practices for so many years of ’legal’ manipulation at what was called a ’tipping point’. Families and those who could reach those in government and the media who had integrity and a conscience began to listen, and investigate just how many people had actually gone through the same thing. It was too many to ignore. Children had died or been abused in many ways for so many years it threatened the stability of the country to continue to turn a blind eye to what had been happening. There were people who went to prison for knowingly allowing the practices to continue or assisting in the continuation of how things had been because money had been involved as an incentive for so many, when children and their mothers were regarded as property under the practice of law (not to be confused with written law itself, which mothers thought when they needed protection would be followed).

It was at about the same time that women who wanted to be with women and men who wanted to be with men were given the right to marry each other, as well as a half century of resolution toward women being compensated for the same work the same amount of pay for their own living and the lives of their children that were given to men for many decades. This also affected their ability in how much they could provide for their children if they chose not to be married or seek the support of someone else in the home. The family composition at this time had permanently changed; married couples with children were no longer the rule, yet those in power acted as if anyone who did not embrace or aspire to the former ’ideal’ were not worthy in general.

Today, because of my grandmother and those like her who came together at a critical part in history, I can get an education, earn a living, be with who I want or not, and have a child if I want without being afraid that someone will take them for no reason and write things that aren’t true in a ’legal’ document so they may profit from ’selling’ children as property at women’s expense to wherever the money is coming from. My father was one of the children who were silenced until they were of ‘legal’ age to tell others in their own voices.

My grandmother always said she had learned her values from her grandfather, a Native American, who respected the rights of others regardless of whether they were rich or poor, and was honored in his community for the achievements of his life. Women who did the same weren’t given recognition because of the ’patriarchal’ society that rare men like my great great grandfather were able to do some good in. My grandmother never forgot the example of her grandfather, and I will not forget hers. She didn’t know she could not enjoy with her child, my father, the rights I now have because of their sacrifices until she needed help under ‘law‘. She spent the rest of her life so that my father and our children would not suffer further. The world still isn’t perfect. Because of people like my ancestors, more of us may survive in peace as well as prosper much earlier in life, and the damages to the planet from previous generations will continue to be reversed as my generation makes it their priority.

Apologies for the unplanned hiatus, the family saga will continue as promised during the next post. Happy 4th.

April Fool: Unoriginal Title, Original Content

It's always an indicator if I don't make 'blog day' it's because there's so much going on I'm literally incapable of remembering what day it is, even if I thought of it earlier in the day. This time, I got in early evening after staying up almost all night without food in order to upgrade to a better dwelling on schedule. There is some peace of mind now that having been in a flood zone in the wake of Hurricane Sandy with another evacuation warning during hurricane season just the year before is really no longer an issue now.

I'm thankful and grateful having survived another displacement; there have been benefits, though not without stress. There are others who had it so much worse; we were still among the fortunate. And there were lessons learned, about the generosity of others not previously experienced in an area not well known for its compassion or hospitality. I wanted to leave New York, and ended up on Staten Island. Despite all that's happened, it's been a mixed blessing to have been here during and after the "superstorm". Even though the trauma of having lost everything more than once before was temporarily reactivated, the coping and recovery were more bearable because of so many dedicated as volunteers who traveled from across the country and staying for months on end until their assignments were finished. Most are scheduled to return home at the end of the month: the six month mark from the day after the storm.

It was not only those from elsewhere who gave generously of their irreplaceable time and other resources; it was also the nicest of New Yorkers: the true New York's Finest, as well as a few NYPD officers who actually fit the description that has referred to them in the past. There are nice native New Yorkers, they're just much fewer and further between than say, West Virginia, where typical New Yorkers who go there experience a reverse culture shock. The first state under the Mason Dixon that marks the beginning of 'the south' is known for its hospitality. To a New Yorker, people who say 'hello' to strangers and are 'nice for no reason' are almost impossible to tolerate.

In the northeast, and especially in 'the city', unless one is of the few generous-hearted who surfaced and stepped up in the wake of a 'superstorm', such behavior in their experience only happens when something is sought in exchange. Not so for West Virginians, and volunteers who displaced themselves for the better part of a year to be available and assist others who lost everything. I can only hope to be in a position in the future to do the same, or something similar. Meanwhile, the family secret saga resumes next month, about some native West Virginians two generations ago of the same blood as this author, authored by my grandfather's sister.

It is being copied from less than a hundred pages of hand written notes; and now more than half complete here. More will unfold as the story continues, woven into what has become our lives today. I don't remember ever having met my grandfather's sister, though I did know her offspring. One I didn't know was such until after their death, and it was just as well. Had I known then it may not have made a difference, though the effects of those contacts have affected more than one life forever.

I don't know how many others were also hurt; I only know when I heard grandpa's nephew had passed I was not sad. Only until I read what his mother had written did I know we were related, many years later, relatively recently.