Happy Spring?

It's too cold for too long in this part of the country, though I feel there is no basis in complaining given the extreme devastating weather conditions that have taken lives and homes in the last week alone, with more storms predicted on the horizon. I remain grateful for not being further affected by yet another storm, and sensitive to what others may be going through. As not all family is with me, this is also a source of anxiety, and a reminder that safety can often be an illusion, because no one can escape the wrath of nature.

A main concern is how much of this is man made from climate change and decades of abuse to the environment. What can we do to minimize or offset this? It's too late for some, and too often greed overrides the value of human life. So long as there is no accountability, someone will try to get what they can even knowing it can take someone's life as a result of their potential gain. These were once someone's children (individuals who infringe on others' lives without remorse), who learned from someone else that taking from others is normal and acceptable, with no basis for comparison such as a capacity for compassion or empathy.

Our children belong to everyone, and we are hurting ourselves by looking the other way when we witness children being taught that winning at all costs has consequences that can hurt them and others at some point, if not immediately. Authority has no meaning if who seeks and maintains power has no conscience for the consequences of their actions. It will have to end sooner or later, though how many will suffer and die before the rest of us stop looking the other way and start stepping up. It isn't someone else's job to fix. Anyone not taking action is a helping bystander. It's not a new concept; it's been around for generations, and it would appear every generation has a large population that is not open or exposed to what is natural law. Short term gain only renders long term loss when only in the interest of those who think only for themselves at the expense of others.

State of Overwhelm

The end of the month was a Monday, that should be enough, though it isn't. Anytime the last day of the month is missed on 'Blog Day' there is too much going on for one person. Namely me. My child is the eye of the storm, in a good way, and it has been said the eye of the storm is the calmest place, which is not always true either.

I'm supposed to be wrong in saying a child can be the center of my universe, though if it were not for that child the Universe would not be what it is. Everything I do now is because of having become a parent, with experiences many parents cannot imagine, and that I would not wish on a so-called enemy. Everything that happens is already on top of something else. Some would say a chose this; if there's a parallel universe, the explanation is there. I don't have it at the moment. I have to be thankful no matter what, because someone else always has it worse. If nothing else, that is what the experience has taught me. That is no consolation, however, when what has happened involves one's only child that should not ever happen at all. To date, there has been no accountability, and what help was sought at the most critical time made things much worse, that has now compounded over time and the damages are irreversible. To stay positive or focused during such a years-long real life nightmare and remaining sane is a feat in and of itself. Handling others' similar experiences as a vocation is one way, though the vicarious trauma without anothers' being resolved is often simply too much to handle. Rest will not solve it, though it will allow for thoughts and processing that during other moments can be impossible. In this physical experience, there are limits. And the freedom to think productively can be critical.

Still others have it worse, and no matter how many times it's said, there is no consolation.

Belated Valentine's

Next to my favorite boy, Valentine gifts passed on for the first time this year. Just happy to be in the same place having arrived safely with the most important person in my world.

Asking..."the secret"

...gotten so much more by asking, and taking risks, especially since feeling like life may either end from abuse or cancer, which have both happened at different times. Realizing you have been spared for a reason is powerful, though at the same time we witness things every day that make no sense, like children suffering needlessly so that others can profit, and God help the 'whisteblowers'.

In a nutshell, the journey is far from over, though pride and shame is lost when you've felt so close to death, or you're fighting for the life of a child or children. After such experiences, you're much less afraid to look silly or do things others may criticize. Just find more [who prosper], and do what they do, whenever possible: easier said than done.

...would agree with all of this, with the exception of many trying to come out of poverty or abusive relationships caught in systemic webs that all but completely sabotaged them in their last resort efforts in seeking 'help'.

A New Year's Eve To Remember

Car out. Son in. Santa was unable to deliver what was ordered, as an elf decided to keep them for himself, or something like that. So the money went back into the account, and I woke up the next morning with phone calls to make before a wonderful child woke up. I had agreed to keep the money until he could locate another of what the elf decided to keep, which he said shortly after awakening would be a week or so.

Had already made most of the necessary business calls, and had also pulled out of the coat pocket the business card of the privately owned pet store where a rather rare pink bird had been admired over time, since one of our other beloveds had suddenly passed and I had been quickly looking for another similar, so the grief would not be so bad for so long. In that earlier search the pink oversized parakeet/undersized parrot had been seen. Had been back since having found another like the one we had lost, to consider the possibility and logistics of transporting another during the holiday season with family visits on the agenda. It was mental gymnastics, for days on end until the day before, when the car seemed to have other plans.

It could have been worse: a total loss for costs equivalent to the value of the car, which turned out to be only a percentage of that, as if the price tag were bearable, which it really wasn't. Won't have recovered from not seeing family on a critical day and time for quite awhile yet. Wonderful Son made it as bearable as possible. Would not have wanted to spend that kind of time with anyone else.

Upon explaining what remained of the day and discussing the days ahead, the bird came into the conversation, and Son's eyes lit up at the same time his body seemed to fill with energy. He was dressed and ready to leave sooner than any other day in recent memory.

The taxi arrived in front of where breakfast had been planned sooner than anticipated, so we got in and picked up breakfast at the destination instead, a few doors from the pet store, which turned out to be better. There was another bird he liked just as much or better; there were three of them, and one of the rare one. We played with all of them, then decided on the latter, for today.

Just like who could not take the place of our first lost beloved, though loved as much than before, being in between the fabric of his clothing layers, this one today was just as friendly and took to him just as much, in her own unique way.

It was hard to leave again out into the cold after holding her and introducing her to her new home, though we managed to get to dinner at one of his favorite restaurants and get back before the festivities of the evening could be felt on the streets, while holiday lights still flickered and moved in front lawns on the way home. He had been so wonderful, and today had been no exception. The joy of the day was fleeting; it has been hard keeping the sadness of tomorrow at bay, until we are together again.

"Blog Day"

The last day of the month, except when I'm completely overwhelmed and forget what day it is, even if I've thought of it earlier in the day. Not even a blip on the radar from disclosing a 'family secret' from anyone who is even remotely connected, not that I expected any necessarily. If anything, I expected someone to be angry. No one in particular, really. It shows just how much people actually link to what's provided in an email signature, or where it might be otherwise located.

It had to come out: the only time I can ever remember while still very young being 'happy' upon finding out that someone had died. He was loved by his mother, the author of a hand written family saga with a much better memory for names and people than I have right now. He was also a child predator, of family members. Nothing all that new given the statistics; it just so happens it was in our family, too. The fact is this came out after the victim(s) were far into adulthood; old enough to be a grandparent themselves. The truth is it came out when it was happening, and nothing was done, nothing I was made aware of.

Maybe there was a threat by a father who was more abusive in a different way; maybe he was never asked to come around again to do 'handyman work' around our house. One thing is for sure, if Grandpa had been told, his nephew (I didn't know he was a blood relation at the time), our family handyman may have mysteriously disappeared, off the planet.

Grandpa was a strong positive patriarch, 'man of the church', and former police officer, with lots of guns, as all the male relatives had in those parts, in those days. Grandpa had no 'record', of course, though had he found out his granddaughter had been affected multiple times by this person, 'heaven only knows' what the consequences may have been. Maybe that was what the adults involved were afraid of in not letting it get very far, at all.

All the child knew at the time was that no one did anything, even when they told. And it wasn't the first time something had happened. There were others, like the next door neighbors before we had moved. No memory if anyone was told until again in adulthood, which was met with anger for causing stress. What about the child? What about feeling at the time that no one would listen or do anything anyway.

Grandpa only had a second grade education, forced to go work in the coal mines at age ten for literally pennies. He was wise and smart, and fortunate to be a hard worker not bound by educational requirements in being able to earn a living and provide for his family, unlike today. I wish he had known enough to go to the police himself after he had retired when I was being bullied in school to recover something precious that we knew who took it. The emotional impact was the same. Don't bother telling or 'pushing it', 'you're not worth it', no one will care enough to make it right: that's how it felt. It's what I won't forget, and how I can remember and feel or understand a child's emotions.

Family Secrets, Concluded?

The lady I don't ever remember meeting that was Grandpa's sister was the mother of someone I was told or had the impression was a 'friend of the family'. To say he acted 'inappropriately' on more than one occasion would be a serious understatement. I didn't know we were actually related when he did what he did more than once. I told and nothing was done.

Having read my great aunt's story and referring to her son I realized perhaps for the first time this was my grandfather's nephew. Grandpa was the patriarch of the family and an ex policeman. Had he found out what his nephew had done to his granddaughter, he may have taken the law into his own hands.

Grandpa was a deacon in the church, with a perfect driving record, who would do anything to protect his family. He could have seriously harmed or 'taken out' his nephew for violating his granddaughter. Maybe that's why no one told him, or nothing was done.

When this person passed away, I was relieved, and even happy. Have not felt that way about a death before or since.

Family Secrets Saga, 'Concluded'

"...when I first started to school it was two large rooms. then they built another room upstairs. it was where the High School is now. my first Teacher was Miss Sadie Kincaid, a fine teacher and then Miss Ella Bailey. then her brother Henry Baily. Mr. Groves and our Teachers would have Prayer and singing be-fore we went in-to our classes those were good old days. I always hated to miss a day. but I dont I ever did get to go to school a whole week at a time with out missing a day or two. as I was the oldest I always had to stay at home on wash day after I got large enough to help her wash. of course that was on the washboard method all day some job. I sure praise the man that invented washing machines. and how. I never went only through the fifth grade. in those days they didn't compell you to send your children to school so I am glad I got to learn what I did as I said after we moved from Sugar creek. to Packs Branch where we lived in that air conditioned house. I went the last three months at Packs Branch School. and did I enjoy going. My Teacher was Miss Martha Susan Windgrove. and I loved her very much. those were good old days. and some of my old School Mates are still around there was Jack Rhodes, Mark Rhodes Emma Cusick, Clara Pack. but Some have passed on. lots of pleasant memories. In those days we had to walk to School. we had some very deep snows to go through but we didn't mind it abit it was fun. we never had cars to go evry where in then like we do now. I remember the first drive I ever took with my boy friend Dock. he went to the Livery Stable here in town and hired a horse and buggy to take me in so we went driving over to Oak Hill to have dinner with his sister Pasa Tucker. I sure got a kick out of that. over dirt roads and bumpy. we had no hard roads much then. well things have sure changed since this episode.

Well I must say a few words about my Uncl John;s family he and his wife Aunt Leleia were both fine people. us cousins would love to visit with one another. there was Glennie, Cara, Myrtle, Dola - Oakie, Garnet, Elmer, Georgia, Jessie then there was Uncle Charles and Aunt Anna Sinks family. we all enjoyed be-ing to-geather abd we did have some good times to-geather. There was 12 children in this family. George [dead] Clyde [dead], May, Maggie Sadie Goldie Earl Sammie, Ambrose [dead], Gertrude [dead] Edith Glayds. at the time we all grew up togeather they lived at McDonald. May and Gladys still live here in Mt. Hope now they moved from McDonald. into a home of their own and have lived here ever since Earl and Sam live on Maple Fork they both have nice homes over there- well any way some live one place some another. it is strange but true. Oh wll we are all going down the other side of the mountain."

Well, that concludes thirty nine pages of Grandpa's sister's family account of life in their time where I grew up. We are all grateful to her for her permanent contribution to our family history...

Grandpa's Sister Continues Her Family Saga

" ...as I was telling you about our house on the corner we had a lot of happy days there it was in this house that Louise had scarlet fever. and I thought she would die but the Lord heard my prayers. Gilman got hiss knee cut on glass and was crippled for a long time. in fact they all called him (Crip) for a long time but he got Ok from that. not to mention many more little odds and ends. Oh well as I was saying we had lived there eight years and Dock came home one day and said do you want to sell the house. it shocked me off my feet. and then he told me there is a man from Glen Jean wants to buy our house. he offered me $22.50.00 for it and wanted it in 10. days. so we made up our minds fast. so at that time my mother had bought a strip of land. which contained 5 lots so we bought 2 lots from her for $300.00. we put up a tent on the lots and lived in the tent un-till we got two rooms so we could live in them un-till we could get the house finished we got Mankins and Crouch from Beckley to build our house. it was $1600.00 turn key job. so I said when I moved in here it was my last move un-till they took me out in a box. but we never know what can happen in this old world of ours. we have so many ups and downs it is mostly downs. Dock and I both worked awful hard to have our home. and we were very proud and thankful for it. but then as the years passed his health failed him and the Lord called him away Feb. 3rd 1937. Gilman and his wife Pat were living in Beckley at that time. Mr. Fred Deal was boarding with us and Jencil Wees was staying here with us. at that time we had 3 or 4 cows on leased land and sold milk Jencil helped with them we paid him by the week and boarded him. he was a fine boy to work. he is Madge Walker's first husband and father of her two oldest sons Earlen and Russel Wees. he was killed in a car wreck. Then she married Boob. Walker. Well any way after Dock died Jencel never would come back to help me. so I had to make it the best I could. Mr. Deal was an awful good man. he soon left. Gilman and Pat and Frank came to stay here with me. and then after a year passed Mr. John W. Perry and I were married he was 79. and I was 51. Well he was a real good husband. and his money helped me to keep my home and we were happy to-geather even though he was much older than I. we had one another for companion ship it sure did mean a lot he needed some one and so did I. he lived ten years and he died. but I can say he sure was crazy about me and I miss him a lot. but the Lord knows best so that is that and well do we know it. Well after Mr. Perry and I were married. Gilman and Pat moved up in Green Brier Co. to Charmco. and stayed there for a while then they moved to Oak Hill W.Va. and then Pat was not well and Gilman had to be goone away from home at that time, so they moved over here with Mr. Perry and I. they have been a help to me and I have been a help to them and we are still all living to-geather here at the present time. Mr. Perry has passed on and Frank is married as I said before so I am just plodding along and doing the best I can I dont know how much longer I will plod. the Lord only knows that. Well this is Sunday Feb. 10 1957. this is the day Gilman is supposed to come home from the Hospital sure hope he does. the Sun is shining beautiful today I am so thankful for it. we have been having so much rain. I have been going like a house on fire for several days now. but there is one thing I forgot to mention and as you can tell by all this writing I have done misspelling and such I don't have very much education. but what I have got I got here in Mt. Hope. all except the last three months I went to school. of which I will tell you later as I go along."...

Family Secrets VI

Thanks to anyone who has actually been following this blog. It's hard to imagine it's been so long since not only making a family entry, but skipping months in addition: both signs that life has been a little intense. The following is the next segment in the real life family secrets handwritten tome by my grandfather's sister.

"I must say a few words about my youngest sister Agnes Batten she and her husband Earnest Batten reared one son Clarence E. Batten. he and his fine wife Evylen live at Smithers W.Va. at present they have two fine little girls. he drives one of those large tank TEXACO oil trucks. speaking of trucks I forgot to say that Gilman has been truck driver for the Applachain power co for over 20 years he recieved his 20 year pin with 4 real diamonds in it. one diamond for every five years this is a wonderful company and have sure been grand to him. I cant thank them enough for their kindness to him. Oh yes I forgot to tell you about my moving sister Ella. of course I think she takes it after our mother you remember I told you how she liked to move. Well Ella is a chip off the old block. she has moved so much, she is ashamed to call and have her utilities changed again I hope she will stay where she is for a while now. here is hoping so anyway.

Well getting back to my relatives I forgot to say I had another uncle Will Wees. he is younger than I believe uncle John well anyway, he married Ida Waters and they reared a family of children too. there was Bettie Grace Charlie and Elsia then he and his wife seperated. and some time after that he went down on Paint Creek at Morton, W. Va. and met a Mrs. Blizzard and married her. they were both good Christians and were very active in church work. but has now passed on. but they always lived away from us so we couldent visit very much with them. as I said be-fore I had an Aunt Susan and Uncle Tom Holt. he came from Ill. to these parts as a school teacher. so he and Aunt Sue got married. they also reared a family Ida, Lizzie, Clara Tommie Bessie and Vivian. they are the ones that lived on my mothers old home place high up on a mountain in the country. so this was always heaven to me to get to go up there and visit with them they always made you feel so welcome. I will always remember the good old days we spent to-gether when we were young. Clara and I are about the same age. Lizzie was older, she weighed over three hundred pounds. she died of dropsy. she was never married. Ida the oldest married Meltz Wiltshire. Clara married Grover Pack. Bessie married Ed Beasley. and Vivian married Basil Hinkle. I forgot who Tommie married. but he has passed on now too. Well enough of that I will now say a few things about our moving around. as I said when Dock and I were married we started house keeping on Sherwood Hill. there used to be a double row of houses on top of that hill. then there was a large company store along there where Mrs Carter lives now. but when the mines worked out the store and all those houses on top of the hill were torn down. and took away We moved off the hill down close to the mines. and here is where I lived when Gilman was born. in Mar. 5, 1911. Well we lived there until he was eight weeks old then we moved to Oswald. we lived there for some time then we moved to Price Hill then and from Price Hill to Skelton, then back to Price Hill. In the mean time Dock had a good friend that he ran around with. by the name of Charles Renick at that time Mrs. Renick was book keeper for New River Co. he owned two lots down at Dunbar W.Va so got to talking to Dock to buy one of his lots. he asked $5,00.00 for the one lot Well we talked it over and desided we would take it. he let us have it $10.00 down $10.00 per month, so after we had paid $150.00 on it we found out we couldent build a house on it under $2000.00 so he had a chance to sell his contract to a man for $250.00. so he sold it and then, he was talking with Mr. Garret at that time he was Squire Garret. he is Pat Garretts Dad - so he told Dock he had a house for sale. he told him he would sell it to him for $650.00 $100.00 down and $12.50 per month until he got it paid for. so that was the deal. we bought it and then in the mean time we had moved to another house at Price Hill. so we moved into our own house for once in a life time. it is now that old two story house back of a beer joint on the corner at the stop light. Well as I said we moved in after we got it cleaned up. A colored woman by the name of Lil Hill had lived in the house be-fore we moved in so it was a mess. full of filth and cockroaches well anyway we finally got it live-able so we lived there for eight years. we had very fine neighbors and a host of friends Mr. and Mrs. Ambros Lemasters, Charley Perry and wife Dachie Gus Pinson, and Maggie but it seemed Mrs. Lemasters and us were very close friends. I love her as a sister. and her Grand son as my own child. Clarence Wray was his name he and Gilman grew up to-geather they were just like brothers to one another Clarence's mother, Hazle. they always called her (Cat). was Mr. and Mrs. Lemasters only child. so they were very crazy about her. so she went to school here in Mt. Hope and she and her boy-friend eloped to-gether they went to Charleston and were married she wrote a letter right back to her parents tell them about it. they boys name was Clarence Wray a real fine boy. he worked in the mines at Derry Hale. they went to house keeping there. it hurt Mr. and Mrs. Lemasters very much. after they went to house keeping, Mrs. Lemasters would go down to see her most every day. then she rode the K. GJ and E. train. but her dad never did go. then they had been married a month or two when he was killed suddenly in the mines. A kettle bottom fell from the roof of the mines. so she got to come back home. she was pregnant with Clarence when the girl grieved and worried so much over her husband, her folks were as good to her and her baby as they could be. but she came down with T.B. and when Clarence was 15 months old, his mother died. so they buried her in Wild Wood Cemetary in Beckley W.Va. so Mr. and Mrs. Lemasters reared Clarence and was always good to him. he had a good home. he soon grew up and found him a mate by the name of Virgie Patton they were married. thier first child was born dead. but they have reared four more children. Carrol Hazle Clarence and Patty. Carrol is now married and lives in Texas-poor Virgie had a nervous break down and is in Ill. at present Clarence has to be Mother and Dad to the children. but after all they have made it. I think he has done a pretty good job after all I only hope and trust that things will turn out good for all of them. well enough of this."...