Wings

Anything is possible in Heaven, especially across the Rainbow Bridge, where animals are reunited with their housemates or families that have gone before them. 

Patches passing was unexpected.  Whatever took her had been building over a day or two, though with rabbits it's nearly impossible to know until it's almost or in fact too late.

A sound I never want to hear again came from somewhere in the room I just happened to be present and standing in.  At first I had no idea where the sound was coming from.  I looked down to see her roll over convulsing.  I couldn't revive her.  CPR had worked on a kitten before.  Not this time. 

Sunday.  Places nearby, though no vet present, or even a stethoscope.  By the time an open office was reached it was confirmed she was gone.  She was taken quickly in the towel I had cradled her in the entire way searching for someone with a stethoscope that could possibly resuscitate her.  I had apologized and spoken to her in my lap the entire drive to now four places.  I couldn't bear to go back into where they couldn't get her back to say 'goodbye'.  I asked the assistant who was so kind to promise to give her a last hug for me.  She promised. 

I buried Charlie at the beach, with markers the locals added to over time, unaware they were to honor a beloved pet who had saved a child's life.  Patches would be in a smaller box: her ashes, for her original owner, the same child, now a legal adult.

I was in between obligations that day.  The window of time between allowed for getting her to a place that could only confirm she was gone.

The first pet that saved my son's life passed two years ago in the same month.  She tried to 'say goodbye' when I was in denial as well, even though her illness was known and couldn't be treated.  An hour and a half later she was gone.  I didn't take it well: why I changed majors from vet school to fine arts.  I don't do well with death.

Patches leaves her mate, a year older and not as energetic as earlier days.  The cats lounge closer as if to comfort him.  At least one was doing the same near Patches lately though I'd no clue anything was wrong.  She wasn't picked up daily, or maybe I would have noticed the hardness in her midsection.  Or maybe it happened the same day she screamed.  It keeps running like a reel repeatedly in my head.

Not unlike the death of the first and second small mammals we've had, mourning is only slightly less time than losing a human family member.

She had an actual perfectly mirrored wing pattern on her back exactly where wings would be, if rabbits had them. 

I attended church last night, and the tears came back.  When two or more are gathered, the presence of Spirit is felt.  I saw Patches in His lap; He was welcoming her.  After He hugged her, He stroked her back and her 'wings' became elevated and three dimensional.  She left his lap to join her friends that had gone before her by flying down to them. 

'Binky' is the word for a rabbit jumping up in joy and contentment, which hadn't been seen here with Patches or her 'husbun' for awhile, due to their present ages.  'Popcorn' means the same thing, for a guinea pig.  All were respectively 'binkying' and 'popcorning'.  Charlie could jump three times her height standing up when she was young.  Patches and Charlie took turns to see who could go highest, with Smandie looking on, smiling and 'popcorning' herself.  Patches can go higher now, though there was no reason in the joy of the moment, being with her friends. 

1 Corinthians 2:9 : God can put wings on any animal he chooses.  When Patches crossed the rainbow bridge and met Him after her 'family' reunification, her wings became real.  Lots to do here, though am looking forward to seeing them, very much.  Grateful for the comfort of Spirit...

Loss

Attended a memorial service for a person who was only a friend for a short time, as I met her just a couple of years ago.


The last time I saw her, she looked more worn than tired, surrounded by other people who had not seen her for some time, who had known her longer.  I didn't try to make my way through everyone to wish her my best until her recovery.  She had been in the hospital several times even since I met her, diagnosed with a terminal illness.  I was in denial that it was just another bump in the road for her, and that I would see her again.


We hadn't even made eye contact the last time she was around, though I tried.  We'd had a number of rich conversations before her more recent round of hospital trips, and had become friends.  I know in reality our friendship was shallow in comparison to relationships she had with others, though there was a special connection.  As much as anything I'm still dealing with taking for granted I would see her again, in addition to her passing, which was not untimely, though no less difficult to bear.


I cried almost all day, from the time before the service began into the night.  I saw photos of her in a slideshow, where she looked more like a sister than my own.  My sister and I are close, yet we look like opposite sides of the family, respectively.  This woman and I could have been fraternal twins.  We looked more alike than she and her sister as well.  Superficial, yet again, as our souls were on different planes at different times.


Our lives in New York before we met were astonishingly parallel, though I was a little less bohemian, and may not have noticed her in the village, while I got my street smarts in the middle and upper parts of the city. 


Vastly different as well was that she married happily, to a man fully aware of health limitations that would prevent her from bearing children, and that would require more of his attention than most men would buy into.  She would flicker in and out of health, her husband always on alert.  There were still many happy years, and no regrets.  It was a glimpse of what my life may have been like had I found anyone that were as tolerant or attentive that could remotely compare to my grandfather.  I may have a time or two, and sought the attention of more elusive or 'exciting' types instead; none of the latter turned out to be in my best interests, nor my family's.


I cried for a relationship I never had with a sister/friend or a man, from years of separation away from what matters.  It wasn't my fault; my choices were ignorant and conditioned.  The results were the same, however.  My joy has been my child (one thing my sister friend was not given), which is a bigger than life God given consolation and gift, more than I could have wished for in a child, yet not without tremendous pain as well, though not from the child: An education in realities I didn't know existed until thrust into a world as a last resort where human life has little value, and staying alive and protecting your child takes almost everything you have, in resources, strength, and health.


Her first name was identical to my middle name as well.  We bonded instantly, and I unrealistically felt she would always be around, at least until my son left for college, when I would have to go with him, parting ways with being close to her in proximity then.  I was wrong.  It was an illusion.  And a reminder that tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us.

Goodbye, Charlie

When the last post was written, it wasn't really known Charlie wouldn't last the month.  During her last evening I was fortunate to have the privilege to be able to provide water, food, vitamin C, and what love I could.  I didn't know she was trying to say goodbye when she turned her whole body around just to catch my eye.  She could only move with her front paws, so the effort was significant. 

I praised her for turning around on a towel she was resting on in a chair; she couldn't really move much from the size of the tumors that had take over her body.  While administering her vitamins I didn't realize what her clicks as opposed to her unique sounds and the color of her teeth meant: she was in fact dying. 

Upon checking her after dinner I found her limp.  I don't know if her heart was still beating when I picked her up and began to cry; she was still warm, at the center of her body, though 'gone' by all appearances.  I immediately texted her original owner and other family.  The plan was to be together at the summer place and euthanize her there.  Two other pets were buried there on the mountain from an earlier year: a tropical bird who caught a chill and couldn't recover, and another who became too weak after losing a toe to another aggressive bird.

My son didn't want Charlie kept cold until we could make the trip, and asked that she be buried near the home where we were.  The next morning she still wasn't fully cold and remained limp in the exact same position I'd left her in her cage, wrapped in a towel with her face showing.

She was gently placed in the same towel in a box that had held some very expensive shoes.  I took her in a shopping bag to where my son asked she be buried.  It was an effort in the morning hours, though it felt as though we were protected from onlookers wondering what might be in the box.  Once I'd actually succeeded in getting her final resting place covered I remained on my knees, in tears.

She had her own unique sounds and personality.  She was our first, with lots of memories, and pictures.  We know she's crossed 'the rainbow bridge' with two little birds saying hello again where time doesn't exist, waiting for when we can all play together again.

Family Secrets, Another 'Chapter'

"Well I will have to tell you about my oldest brother Bill when he was a young man he and another fellow decided they would take a trip out west and out west they went. but they were as glad to get back to W.Va. as they were to go. they sure got a lot of expereance while they were gone. According to thier tales it was about as rough as it is pictured, but any way they never wanted to go back out west. that is enough of that. Bill got married after he was back for awhile. he married Alma Wilkerson. they were parents of 4 sons and 2 daughters. Woodrow Clarence Willard and Billie Madeline and June were the girls names. Well as I told you be-fore Brother Bill as accidentally electrocuted while at his work. his wife Alma is living with the youngest daughters June Bledsoe. Well now I will have to say something about my brother Walter he is my hunting brother. he loves to hunt more than he loves to eat. and is he good at it. he loves to hunt bear, deer, rabbit squirrel grouse or anything. and he does this anually - he married Ella Smith a very sweet girl and wife they have three fine children. two sons and one daughter. Harry and Arthur are the boys name. and Mary is the girl. she is well learned in her books and music. at present in high school. Harry is married and lives in England with his fine wife Margie and thier son and daughter. Then there is Arthur. he is going to Bible School in Florida at present. my brother Walter works for the Blackburn. Patterson Co. at present. My sister Ella Thompson is like my-self a widow. she and her husband Ramond. had two sons. Maxwell was the oldest. he died in service in Frankford Germany. and then the youngest was Jean he married Ruth Gubalin a very fine girl and they are the parents of two fine children. Mark and Susan. he works for Bell Telephone Co in Rantorel Ill. my sis live alone and a lonly life. then there is my sister Nell Stevens she and Emory Stevens were married they didn't think they would have any children of thier own. so they went to the Davis Child Shelter and adopted a 3 weeks old red headed baby boy. they were very fond of him. in about a year after they had adopted Jack. they discovered she was going to have a baby of her own. so she had two boys and two girls. the boys were Gaylan and Jimmie who is passed away. The girls are Nancy and Patty. they now live in Del. then there is my sister Gussie she married Ronald Perry. A fine boy they have one fine daughter Montana they gave her a good education. sent her to Beckley College. later she came in-to a good job. but with all this the love bug bit her so she and her Lover took off to Va. and got hitched - to Mickie Romins - so at present they are living in Ill. they sure were missed a lot and we hope some time they will be back in this neck of the woods. it hurt her mother and Dad a lot. but this is just one of them things. Well I must say something about my youngest Brother Gray. he was such a fine boy he stayed at home and took care of my mother after my father died for a long time. then he met and married Millie Brackman. a very fine young woman. he and she were real good Christians. Active in Church work he was Deacon of Sun Dial Church at the time of his death. he had that dreadful thing T.B. so this meant a great loose. to us all. Millie was book keeper at Birchton Co Store. and he worked at the Hoist. untill he got disable to work they owned a nice home but. After he was gone she came up here to Mt. Hope W.Va. and at present is living with her mother and Dad Mr. and Mrs. Brackman. she is working as book keeper for New River Co. Well I must say something about my Oldest Sister Minnie who married Silas Tucker. as I said she was called away by that old dreadful deisease Cancer they raised six children. Lillian. Roy. Chleo, Gertrud. Ronald. (Tucker) he is now gone. also Chleo. Bill. Roy and Bill married Sisters. so also their children are double first cousins. well this is just one of them things that happens. they live in Oak Hill at present. Writing all this may be crazy of me. but I feel much better since I have been going back in those bye gone days to write these few de-tails. because I doubt very much that any of the rest of my folk will remember I know they will remember some of these but some don't. so I think they will enjoy reading this. it will no doubt be a blessing to them I have wrote this with a very heavy heart. but it has helped me not to be so lonesome. As I am here by myself so much. for as I started to say my son Gilman has been in the
hospital in Oak Hill for two weeks with a case of the Flu and Bronical trouble. I have prayed so hard that the Lord will touch his body and let him be at home with us soon again. Pat his wife has been with him evry day since he has been there. so this is a reliefe to me to know she is with him and I always hear evry night as to how he is getting along so while I have been here at home alone I have been digging back in the ages to drag out some of these old moth eaten items to write about. I just like to write anyway. so I thought as I had my corrosponding caught up. I would jot down a few lines. We have been having about two weeks of rainy weather and what I mean real blue days but I guess we well have to take the Ground Hogs advice for a few weeks yet. I guess we can take it."

Now past the 'halfway' point...