The End Before the Beginning

It’s over.  The ‘showing up’ is over.  There will be things that require our presence, just not where we’ve been, likely ever again.  99% of the struggle and battles happened outside of the courtroom.  What remains of that now is a decision, after 12 childhood-stealing years, intended to preserve or salvage the same.  It was made worse from day one, only different than what was anticipated, according to what was written, according to what was taught and learned.  It's not the same in 'real life'.  And few would believe it unless it happened to them.

An only child no less, and it happens to those with multiple children.  The pain for all who care cannot be imagined.  Some don't make it.  Some can't endure.  It's just too much, and understandably so, only for those who've been there.  We wouldn't wish the same on an enemy; it could mean death: wrong to wish on anyone.

Can't look at the baby photos, or all that we had before it happened.  We have our memories, now fragmented and bittersweet.  Those that we cherished, none that can be taken for granted.  It hurts so much more when we see children who are not cherished, not wanted, or treated poorly.  Why are they with those who don't love them and do so much harm, and those who moved to do something to save their childhoods had their children taken away?  For many, they were 'sold'.

Losing the equivalent of a lifetime during a lifetime is indescribable.  Our losses were someone else's gain; there were several from the other beginning, none of whom really understood or seemed to care.  It was just another day 'at the office'.  One of many, not much different from any other in particular.  Just 'another case'.

There is no real 'winning'.  We've all already lost things we can't get back.  Some will realize it much later.  Too many of us already know.  There is no 'adjustment', only picking up what pieces are left to create a new mosaic.  All broken, creating a new picture nonetheless.  Some would say the cracks make us stronger, though we may not be as pretty on the outside.  They're vessels that can hold the nurturing waters for the future, so that no childhood is ever lost again.

Anniversary

Looked in other posts for this same month for the life of this blog; it has to have been mentioned before, though not necessarily.

On this day twelve years ago someone else was told besides my mother a child was on the way. A blessing, a gift, an intervention.

That child is out for the holiday tonight, dressed as Homer Simpson. The temperature is only slightly cooler than the night was when the announcement of his upcoming birth was made. It seems like a long time ago, though some feelings are like yesterday.

He is the inspiration for everything now, having given life a new purpose just by existing. His personality and natural gifts are still developing, yet already he's exceptional, and not just because of who he became the child of.

It was in another post my inability to speak when he made one of the most profound statements I've ever heard to the effect that no matter who or when he was born to, he would have been the child I had, regardless of when, how, or with whom.

He probably doesn't remember saying that now, though I will remind him. I'm not sure he realized what he was saying then, or where it was coming from. He's too far away now, geographically that is. It can't last long. It has tested our bond, yet more of concern are the realities of the way things have been that do not recognize why there has been so much that's presently not only unnatural. It's a test of strength and nature, imposed by flawed humans blind to all but potential profit.

Children are not commodities, yet they're traded every day with no regard to what may be imposed or await; how it affects the child and family irreversibly under even bearable circumstances, as if there was such a thing when profit trumps human life. It happens in this country in less obvious ways than the media allows common households to see.

So every year when this day rolls around is bittersweet. What happened within the week after the announcement, and in the years that followed have taken more than one life in a completely different direction. The child has not been the centerpoint, or there would be more health, peace, and sense of family, for everyone involved.

Entitlement and conditioning blinds some that others exist that their decisions and arrogance affect, which cannot last. Elitism that what one must have or control above all else and at the expense of others also goes against nature and must diminish and bring to the forefront those they have sought to diminish, in the short term, only for nature to eventually bring the lesson around at some point. A childhood cannot be lost from the simple will and domino effect of poor intentions and incentives.

This would not be wished on an enemy. Part of the purpose is to bring it to light, so that other lives will not be bartered, sold, or diminished.

The child remains the light, with a soul that's true, a representation for what comes next: their legacy. In the tradition and by the example of those he is familiar with yet hasn't met, his life will continue the legacy of those who existed so that his life would be richer and that he remains strong.

Another day in another year, each irreplaceable, each significant, each a holiday, as is every day he laughs, smiles, and understands his own definition of love as it evolves with time, experience, and exposure to everything his life will touch.