Hello, oh producer of all things light and wonderful in our world; I send you greetings, love, hugs, and kisses in whatever order you prefer today, or tomorrow, or yesterday;
You’re a light, wherever you go; rooms change when you enter them, most always for the better. You know your power more often than not. I hope you’re able to laugh as quickly as much as possible, and provide warmth of spirit for others. You’re always a gift; your existence was decided long before I knew you.
I hope this is harder for me than it is for you; there’s never been so much time before now that we haven’t seen each other. It feels very strange, and sometimes sad. If you feel I’m there whenever you need me, there could be some comfort in that, if it were entirely true. It may be enough at times, though not others
Someday there will be more to understand; someday it will be easier. Now just feels like the caretaker of your domain is doing their job, amongst all the talismans of where you came from. I’m the curator of your treasures, some material, some irreplaceable.
I’ve also not written you a letter like this before now. It probably won’t be the last, though the style will vary according to what’s going on. I hope sometimes what I send you causes you to smile or laugh; I do miss that laugh. Like you, it’s the best.
This isn’t typical necessarily of the way I write; just wanted you to know how close you’re felt at heart. You are at my heart always, part of all thought and conversation in one form or another. This the closest I can be for the moment to shouting from the rooftops how special you are. If I really did that, you’d likely pretend you didn’t know me, maybe.
Right now, just a hug might be good enough. I hope you can let me know if your’re hurt or scared in some way, for any reason. I promise to answer, or call you back as soon as I come out of the subway; please keep in mind that if you have to try to reach me in some way from a number I don’t know, it will likely go to message, so please leave one or don’t hang up.
Of course, wishing a hug isn’t good enough most of the time. When we’re apart for now, I hope you can feel a little better knowing you are the sun, and all that is light and exceptional that same way in our world.
Yesterday, today and forever,
Your Planet,
inhabited by flowers (especially daffodils: Grandpa's favorite), bunnies with floppy ears, faeries with sparkly smooth wings that glisten from your warm touch, and your favorite treats on lots of blooming trees and plants, including hugs and kisses from your mom.
P.S. When hugs and kisses can be picked from a tree or out of the ground whenever you want, what do they look like?
Written to a child far away who has related their environment is ‘unresponsive’ compared to the home where they grew up.
Showing posts with label high risk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label high risk. Show all posts
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, August 31, 2009
Testimony (NYC)
Dear Distinguished Members of the Panel, and Allies:
We continue to watch fatalities in the headlines every day, many of which have either no history or background where the phrase ‘domestic violence’ is rarely mentioned. The press will include terms such as ‘separated couple’, ‘estranged boyfriend’ (or girlfriend), or ‘ex-partner’, though this effectively masks for the public that these are all crimes by those from abusive relationships.
There’s no established way to track if someone ended up dead, sometimes along with children, from returning to the oxymoron of ‘abusive home’ after being turned away from attempting to find shelter or safety, having found the courage to leave, many knowing the risks of doing so are great: the answer to the question ‘Why don’t they just leave?’.
The above refers to fatality reports. As many of our city’s inhabitants speak English as a second language, or are often traumatized on occasions when police officers are involved in incidents where death from attempts to escape is not yet a result, DIR’s (or Domestic Incident Reports) and police reports are written up incorrectly. Sometimes it is not disclosed or known that there was in fact an attempt to leave. Believe that it often is.
When there is some report in low percentages in contrast to the actual number of known unreported cases, the average individual filling out that form is a front line ‘first responder’, when it’s done at all, who is not a trained DVO (or Domestic Violence Officer). DVO’s, with few exceptions do not work during the most frequent times that ‘domestic incidents’ occur: evenings and weekends.
The officer often hands the supposed victim the phone number of the DVO, without filling out any report. It’s your guess how many actually call in later…, putting the children at even further risk of harm, when it is usually the mother attempting to protect them.
The alternative to not finding housing is potential or real death, in either returning to an abuser in desperation, or being found attempting to find other housing (including though not limited to abuse through the systems that have continued to fail to protect and further empower abusers).
The low number of survivors and their children placed in safe housing and high numbers of homicides or incidents of abuse that go unreported or for the largest percentages without police reports or orders of protection makes documentation requirements unrealistic and inappropriate, directly inflicting additional trauma by requirement alone to be considered 'eligible'.
Survivors seeking housing and safety in shelter and/or on PA must be referred to agencies where advocates may provide letters of their circumstances. It is most usually not possible to be misunderstood by or to misrepresent to a trained DV advocate. Police reports and DIR's do not address needs, indicate risk, or provide protection any more than Orders of Protection.
The extreme small percentage of those thought to 'misrepresent' will either not visit advocate agencies or not pass the interview or intake process, unlike the current process for making reports though 'law enforcement' (when done at all), which are often by untrained 'first responders', or between officer and alleged 'victim', reporting single incidents and not addressing DV.
Fatality reports are not representative of actual 'DV incidents', in order to 'keep the numbers down', though the headlines have also frequently mentioned no prior police involvement or no orders of protection in a number of deaths (also related to the unrealistic documentation requirements for more permanent housing).
If ‘domestic violence’ is not spelled out, it is treated as if it doesn't happen.
The deaths go up with budget cuts to preventive programs and housing options, while the ‘numbers’ ignore the realities. Is this the way the city regards our homeless families, who have been documented as 90% women and children as well as the #1 reason for their seeking shelter and housing now confirmed this year as Domestic Violence? The lambs are being thrown out for slaughter; we are all but numb from the headlines. Do you see the connection now?
For those that do survive the system, requirements for shelter and those in housing are obsolete and additionally oppressive, as if what these most always women and children have gone through weren’t enough.
The need or desire to work can be addressed by training providers or hours that do not fit a regular schedule or location. Assignments can be obtained by survivors of domestic violence who can put in work hours online or at varying locations in specific training or work situations who have been stalked by abusers or former partners seeking to find them at locations with 'normal business hours'. They can also be available to their children who have been traumatized by abuse or witnessed violence.
By providing survivors who know how to locate assignments the means to become established with an online business or flexible training or work locations and hours, we can potentially transform extremely limited resources to enable economically abused survivors a means to find their way back to safety, and even supporting themselves and their children.
The missing link is making the connection between those affected and those willing to help. This will also raise awareness to these and many other issues that are in the interest of the next generation, including seniors and extended families.
Documentation requirements repeat themselves regarding 'DV Advantage' and DV waivers in PA offices, compounding obstacles to safety for survivors and their children.
The 'boroughs of exclusion' in DV waivers, when granted, do not serve survivors or preserve their safety. They are put at further risk in any borough though current widespread technology where just having a cell phone on, unanswered, permits an abuser &/or their agents to track whereabouts, according to citywide law enforcement technical experts. Survivors have been dismissed without notice from shelters where abusers have shown up at confidential locations, without the survivors willingly or knowingly providing where they were. These practices must be eliminated; any one such incident can lead to more fatalities.
Forcing mothers to work requirements is an extension of abuse, where most are on PA either from economic abuse, shelter requirements, or both. Most are willing to work, so long as there is no additional risk to their safety or the safety of their children, though they are treated as non-cooperative and threatened with cut-offs or sanctioned when they resist practices that do not take into account safety risks without documentation, the acquisition of which can put them at even further risk or escalate threats or violence.
Addressing how mothers may keep themselves and their children safe with both housing and alternative work arrangements that allow for the 'required' number of hours while still being available to their children who have either been additional subjects of abuse or witnessed violence is critical for both safety and recovery.
We continue to watch fatalities in the headlines every day, many of which have either no history or background where the phrase ‘domestic violence’ is rarely mentioned. The press will include terms such as ‘separated couple’, ‘estranged boyfriend’ (or girlfriend), or ‘ex-partner’, though this effectively masks for the public that these are all crimes by those from abusive relationships.
There’s no established way to track if someone ended up dead, sometimes along with children, from returning to the oxymoron of ‘abusive home’ after being turned away from attempting to find shelter or safety, having found the courage to leave, many knowing the risks of doing so are great: the answer to the question ‘Why don’t they just leave?’.
The above refers to fatality reports. As many of our city’s inhabitants speak English as a second language, or are often traumatized on occasions when police officers are involved in incidents where death from attempts to escape is not yet a result, DIR’s (or Domestic Incident Reports) and police reports are written up incorrectly. Sometimes it is not disclosed or known that there was in fact an attempt to leave. Believe that it often is.
When there is some report in low percentages in contrast to the actual number of known unreported cases, the average individual filling out that form is a front line ‘first responder’, when it’s done at all, who is not a trained DVO (or Domestic Violence Officer). DVO’s, with few exceptions do not work during the most frequent times that ‘domestic incidents’ occur: evenings and weekends.
The officer often hands the supposed victim the phone number of the DVO, without filling out any report. It’s your guess how many actually call in later…, putting the children at even further risk of harm, when it is usually the mother attempting to protect them.
The alternative to not finding housing is potential or real death, in either returning to an abuser in desperation, or being found attempting to find other housing (including though not limited to abuse through the systems that have continued to fail to protect and further empower abusers).
The low number of survivors and their children placed in safe housing and high numbers of homicides or incidents of abuse that go unreported or for the largest percentages without police reports or orders of protection makes documentation requirements unrealistic and inappropriate, directly inflicting additional trauma by requirement alone to be considered 'eligible'.
Survivors seeking housing and safety in shelter and/or on PA must be referred to agencies where advocates may provide letters of their circumstances. It is most usually not possible to be misunderstood by or to misrepresent to a trained DV advocate. Police reports and DIR's do not address needs, indicate risk, or provide protection any more than Orders of Protection.
The extreme small percentage of those thought to 'misrepresent' will either not visit advocate agencies or not pass the interview or intake process, unlike the current process for making reports though 'law enforcement' (when done at all), which are often by untrained 'first responders', or between officer and alleged 'victim', reporting single incidents and not addressing DV.
Fatality reports are not representative of actual 'DV incidents', in order to 'keep the numbers down', though the headlines have also frequently mentioned no prior police involvement or no orders of protection in a number of deaths (also related to the unrealistic documentation requirements for more permanent housing).
If ‘domestic violence’ is not spelled out, it is treated as if it doesn't happen.
The deaths go up with budget cuts to preventive programs and housing options, while the ‘numbers’ ignore the realities. Is this the way the city regards our homeless families, who have been documented as 90% women and children as well as the #1 reason for their seeking shelter and housing now confirmed this year as Domestic Violence? The lambs are being thrown out for slaughter; we are all but numb from the headlines. Do you see the connection now?
For those that do survive the system, requirements for shelter and those in housing are obsolete and additionally oppressive, as if what these most always women and children have gone through weren’t enough.
The need or desire to work can be addressed by training providers or hours that do not fit a regular schedule or location. Assignments can be obtained by survivors of domestic violence who can put in work hours online or at varying locations in specific training or work situations who have been stalked by abusers or former partners seeking to find them at locations with 'normal business hours'. They can also be available to their children who have been traumatized by abuse or witnessed violence.
By providing survivors who know how to locate assignments the means to become established with an online business or flexible training or work locations and hours, we can potentially transform extremely limited resources to enable economically abused survivors a means to find their way back to safety, and even supporting themselves and their children.
The missing link is making the connection between those affected and those willing to help. This will also raise awareness to these and many other issues that are in the interest of the next generation, including seniors and extended families.
Documentation requirements repeat themselves regarding 'DV Advantage' and DV waivers in PA offices, compounding obstacles to safety for survivors and their children.
The 'boroughs of exclusion' in DV waivers, when granted, do not serve survivors or preserve their safety. They are put at further risk in any borough though current widespread technology where just having a cell phone on, unanswered, permits an abuser &/or their agents to track whereabouts, according to citywide law enforcement technical experts. Survivors have been dismissed without notice from shelters where abusers have shown up at confidential locations, without the survivors willingly or knowingly providing where they were. These practices must be eliminated; any one such incident can lead to more fatalities.
Forcing mothers to work requirements is an extension of abuse, where most are on PA either from economic abuse, shelter requirements, or both. Most are willing to work, so long as there is no additional risk to their safety or the safety of their children, though they are treated as non-cooperative and threatened with cut-offs or sanctioned when they resist practices that do not take into account safety risks without documentation, the acquisition of which can put them at even further risk or escalate threats or violence.
Addressing how mothers may keep themselves and their children safe with both housing and alternative work arrangements that allow for the 'required' number of hours while still being available to their children who have either been additional subjects of abuse or witnessed violence is critical for both safety and recovery.
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