Sexist Conditioning Guilt

I hate to admit it, though there are times when I will sooner accept the advice from a man than a woman, and I'm a woman.  Chalk it up in part to the fact that the highest number of betrayals in my life have been by women (though those by men however fewer may have gone deeper; it was usually less of a shock, and less memorable in most cases).  These 'perpetrating females' have been socially conditioned to undermine any other female that poses a 'threat'.  I'm not that way, though for the same reason have had a very difficult time with female friendships; other women have just proven themselves to be less trustworthy.  I'm not more trusting of men per se; I would just sooner seek out their expertise and skill in business, as the way women have been taught to do business too often, whether they realize it or not, is to be competitive with other women.  

I really can't relate; my philosophy is there's more than enough to go around for everyone, and that no two people can bring the same thing to the table and carry out a project in the same way.  All are unique, and the effectiveness of one woman's method relies largely on the surrounding team or support circle.  Bringing down another woman to maintain power or position hurts all women, and only reinforces the patriarchy that shaped where we are now.

On a similar note, for a major surgery that involves manipulating an unconscious body, I would sooner trust a man for the mere fact he's physically strong enough to do what is necessary in the least amount of time and thus minimizing potential harm by not keeping said person's body on the operating table any longer than it has to be.  It's perhaps not the most true in all circumstances or in reality all the time, though in hopes of having to make that choice only once, it would have to be a male.  It shouldn't feel like a gamble, realistic or otherwise.

On the flip side, given this female stereotype that is sometimes inescapable, I've too often been pegged in the wrong way in the assumption that I'm like 'other women': dishonest, which I'm not; I've been referred to as 'honest to a fault', which doesn't transfer over nearly enough, unfortunately, in the 'real world'.

I'm a female, and therefore suspect to too many other females.  It's really sad, as it's largely our culture and upbringing that has done this to us, so the reflexes are often unconscious.  It remains a vicious cycle.  I'm wary of other women, often for good reason, and at the same time am or have been treated like 'that kind of woman', which I'm not.  There have been damages, and not just to me.  Our children suffer for it as well.  Without conscious change, we are perpetuating patriarchy, or continuing to allow negative masculine forces to have the upper hand to our detriment, and to our children's, which is unacceptable.

Neurons

The Nature or Nurture theory has for some time now been proven that DNA changes daily. In other words, environment is everything. We are all a product of our surroundings. In children with rapidly developing brains, there are billions of connections in synapses being made daily according to responses to different stimuli that can be either positive or negative, shaping perceptions for the future, permanently.

The absence of positive stimuli leaves connections that break from any past positive associations if not regularly reinforced. No stimuli to respond to causes the related synapses to break or die away, to be replaced by other connections that are more prevalent or dominant in the present environment.

This has recently been illustrated in The Secret Life of the Brain, a PBS video by a well know documentary director with a track record on many subjects not related to medical research or developments. In a provided interview, he stated the high standards in producing for PBS, so his reputable style transferred to informative, demonstrable images and stories.

In one form or another, the visual (a PBS DVD) has already been widely published in a significant number of related materials having to do with children, the life cycle, and the aging. The brain develops continually into old age if properly or positively stimulated. The brain fully matures as 'adult' at around age 25. Some associations or memories can be repressed, buried, or 'forgotten' (apart from disease) by traumatic events and other forms of conditioning that can be either immediate and short term, or ongoing. The latter is most closely related to environment.

A child in one environment will behave and respond one way, including physiological responses that manifest in overall well-being or health. If that same child is sent to a radically different environment where the previous positive comforts or reinforcements no longer exist or are drastically changed, certain behaviors and physiological processes begin to occur. Some can be reversed, while others cannot. Length of exposure is a factor.

The responses are textbook or signature of the developmental cumulative trauma responses in children, yet largely ignored or misunderstood. If a child acts out where they feel safe, as in school or with others apart from the environment that is the source of the trauma (where they feel unsafe and therefore cannot behave in any way other than what is 'expected'), where they must alone do whatever is necessary in order to survive, emotionally, psychologically, or physically, it is often regarded as the 'fault' of the environment where the responses take place.

The source is sometimes considered in schools, where the phenomenon is not unfamiliar and witnessed by more than one person on more than one child from different families. Yet when this takes place with a family member or in another home away from the source of tension or original trauma, the environment where the responses are released becomes inappropriately suspect. There are no witnesses to reveal the manifestation process of behaviors, and the original environment is usually either 'unavailable' or those who contributed to the ongoing conditions deny or additionally blame where the responses took place. After all, the child is 'well behaved' in a negative environment or place where they are afraid on one or multiple levels. The consequences for 'getting out of line' result in the child being restricted more with every small 'infraction', which compounds according to the number of persons 'enforcing rules' in the environment, or other 'disciplinary measures' that go unchecked indefinitely.

This creates high levels of stress hormones in a child's body in addition to the complete dormancy or deadening of neural or synapse connections in the brain associated with healthy responses, optimism, or an ability to think clearly for themselves. Not being reinforced their own ability or past coping skills that have gone unnurtured for extensive periods, all responses are about potential consequences or the source of stress and their likely reactions rather than an ability to feel at peace in their own choices.

Confusion, frustration, negativity, cynicism, weight fluctuations, head and stomach aches begin to surface where a child may at times be able to express themselves honestly with another caregiver or competent school staff member. Expressing oneself honestly often comes in the form of the releasing of repressed anger and resentment towards those for whom the child has less fear, as well as self blame and plummeting self confidence from long term influences of general negativity, inappropriate blame for adult responsibilities, and sometimes aggressive 'acquisition' of what is 'forbidden' in the source or more oppressive environment. Excessive wants and appetites result from arguments or insistence of needs for toys that are 'age inappropriate' to increased consumption that is a result of severely restricted food regimes or long periods between meals.

In many lives, these patterns become a permanent part of the child's personality into adulthood. Negative behaviors transform what was a previously happy, well-adjusted and healthy child to one with negative personality traits that mirror the source of primary stress and other forms of coping that became habit for sheer survival. Most everyone the child comes into contact with accept the child where they are upon any encounter with the exception of those who may have known the child prior to the change. The entire phenomenon is natural and understandable if the timeline of events and responses are appropriately monitored. Unchecked or taken out of context without knowledge of causal events, those who encounter the child do what they can with the behaviors or responses they observe at 'face value'.

Giving the 'right answer' to 'authority figures' is a survival mechanism. The consequences of an honest answer are either too frightening or the child has so lost touch with his or her own identity that how they may really feel is obscured even to them. Everything is to 'please', because their personalities or personal wants have become secondary to those who make all the rules that cannot be broken, or else. This cycle can repeat itself from one generation to another, when the models for adult behavior prohibit or prevent any basis for comparison of healthy collaborative interaction that isn't about power, control, or excessive acquisition in terms of relationship dynamics.

People become 'pawns' or means to gain. Children who have experienced both types of individuals among their attachments develop forms of self-hatred for feeling they cannot control what they have been most strongly influenced to model for sheer survival when desired responses become habits that repeat in their behaviors that conflict with their more positive inclinations or attachments that have not been completely forgotten or suppressed.

We all know someone like this, who was once a child. The ones with hope had early positive and nurturing environments. Those who have existed in negative environments from birth have been most at risk in our society. Conscience and healthy interaction have been all but completely absent for most of their lives. There are no associations in neural synapses for behavior about anything other than survival or collaborative interaction that includes empathy. Another term for some of these adults is sociopath. If environment is the source, the predisposition is more illustrative, when recognized and understood. It is less often that genetic inclinations play a large part, thought they also exist.

It's heartbreaking, and preventable, to watch the unfolding of repetition from one generation to another. Ironically, the education is accessible to everyone, yet goes unexplored by those appointed to children in times of crisis. Empathy or well-rounded knowledge on what affects children most do not appear to be required experience systemically where so many children go from at risk to mere 'statistics'. There is too much reliance on either popular wisdom, internal politics, or inappropriate monetary incentives that affect position retention.

There is nothing to be lost in becoming familiar with what affects our lives directly having to do with the next generation. Everyone loses more than feelings associated with peace and comfort from the neural level. Lives are lost, sometimes our own or those closest to us. It's not 'what happens to other people'; it's everywhere. To remain ignorant or blind harms everyone, and is only felt by many if the consequences are direct and explosive, when the timebombs have been in front of us all along.