Friends that have doubled, again

The end of the month again; I'm less and less 'at a loss for words'. The progress marker here is that I'm closer to being able to speak as well as I write more consistently. Years ago, during my 'formative' and single years in NYC, I read in a group invited and attended by a playwright and school friend The Velveteen Rabbit, about how when you love something enough, it becomes real. After reading the passage I'd selected, my friend said "You have to do this!", almost pleadingly, her eyes beginning to well with tears. She was referring to my going forward with the reason I'd come to New York: an acting career. I'm ready now, though still not for 'the public'. The young ones who are so talented are so good at 'being others' before they know who they are; I was not unlike them.

Then or shortly thereafter, doors were beginning to open; I stepped back from the threshold of where the journey had taken me, realizing my privacy and whatever love was to me at the time was worth more than mass attention.

I've found 'my place'; it's time to 'practice'. An 'advice column' the following is not; they're my responses to questions on a forum whose thread titles caught my eye. Often the answers do come from others' questions, as mentioned here before (also not by me originally either). I remain grateful for everything and everyone: those that continue to 'guide' as we move forward together.

Thread title: Happening upon money...

Several issues have arisen here, that make me first think of Joe Vitale, whom I deeply respect and admire. Ask him what it's like to live on the street, and you may get a different story than the generalization described and supported in this thread, both, with all due respect and acknowledgment of their kind intentions, do not appear to have had any personal experience with the concept of 'homelessness'.

It is these generalizations and lack of first-hand knowledge in working with 'homeless' individuals and others in related circumstances that contributes to their being regarded as a population 'unworthy' of 'charity', kept separate from those who make such judgments, who do so from lack of understanding of root causes that many in society contribute to by treating those less fortunate as 'undeserving'.

Many of these individuals may not 'come back' because of how they have been treated in their lives to a point that they now buy into the feeling of 'worthlessness', and carry it on. We are responsible for where they are, too. To go into detail of the realities of some of these lives would take too much here.

For now I'm merely pointing out that we cannot condemn someone whose shoes we have not walked in (or comment on those who have none) without better understanding or reconsidering what others have related that sticks as 'popular wisdom'. I'm not advocating directly giving money to someone on the street (we usually give food, or some coins to someone when my child asks); finding reputable and dedicated outreach programs is recommended for 'tithing': a term not restricted to 'religious' settings (see Mark Victor Hansen's The Miracle of Tithing, Jack Canfield's Chicken Soup partner, available as a free download).

As for pressure from 'churches', if this is a feeling that comes from such a setting, perhaps looking for a different spiritual environment could be on the agenda for anyone who may feel this way. Again another long conversation; some 'religious' congregations are more restrictive than others. If it doesn't feel right, holds one back in any way, or does not help in your intentions for being there, there's a reason.

Joe Vitale himself makes recommendations on giving and faith; he has a regular blog as well. Have an exceptionally abundant day.

Thread title: !!!!!VERY INSPIRING!!!!!!

I was drawn to the title you gave the thread, then found you were asking about your appearance and starting school, which is fine. Since I'm here and can't turn back the clock, nor did I have anyone to tell me what all of these wonderful souls have already offered you here, since you asked for more, I'll add my take, b/c you are at a critical age that is to your advantage for an incredibly prosperous and exemplary life. Here goes: Decide what you want, for you, nobody else. It doesn't happen just by asking yourself in an instant, though that's a recommended start. Pay attention to what stirs you.

What do you love to do, what would you do for free, and not think about having to make a living when you get out of school? There are teens now beginning to do just that, which wasn't nearly as possible when I was your age. Love about yourself what you feel no one else understands, that you feel you're an expert on. The rest will follow; doing this now will make the rest of your life perhaps someone who could go into the history books. Read the biographies of those who have done just that; many started early. Take advantage of the haven your school library is at this time in your life, which many your age (& others) do not have.

Do not compare yourself to your classmates, especially the ones who try to make you feel bad; they're not your friends. Do not engage in making others feel bad either, just to fit in. If you do all of these things, you'll be too busy to notice the exterior of your physical form is taking care of itself. Focus on eating healthy and getting as much exercise as you can, to keep the blood and energy in a constant flow to your brain and heart, especially since you're not finished physically growing. Teach yourself as well everything that's out there about money from those who really know (not your family, friends, or anyone who isn't already or nearly a millionaire), which wasn't as available before either.

You're growing up in an extraordinary time; there's no reason why you can't be, do, or have anything you want. Decide specifically what that is, and you will find tremendous joy in teaching others the same just by their being attracted to how you're doing it! It's yours for the taking, once you decide at this best time in your life.

Thread title: Can another person use their own intention...

We are all truly blessed to be in a community of such positive, involved, and engaged support; my applause and gratitude to all of you for your caring and wise words. My response can't really add much to the advice already so generously given.

It may seem extreme to contemplate leaving, though I wouldn't disagree; anything with this type of dynamic present will most likely only get worse. You may be 'holding out' for the relationship depicted in the movie that shows arguing turned around into affection by focusing on the partner's 'good points'; if this person has actually witnessed your interest and puts it down relentlessly, it may best to cut your losses and think about your own future in short order.

Many of us know how difficult and painful this can be, though the longer the delay, the greater the cost. Time cannot come back; how many friends do we know who have lost years of their lives waiting for the relationship they've invested years into to turn around? One of the teachers even said: 'You are the average of your top five most frequent contacts'. Jack Canfield in particular quotes this often from one of his original mentors. In choosing between 'good' and 'great', all ties that hold us back must be 'let go'.

We are responsible for finding our true bliss and giving back what each of us individually can in our own unique ways that no one can duplicate. Children and young people are waiting to learn from your example and legacy, contrary to what they have seen as more common. Please be 'uncommon', so that the next generation is further empowered to follow their dreams and not give it all up for one fully grown who will have to take care of themselves when you find the way to not let them hold you back.

This is so much easier said than done; there's never a 'good time' in these situations, so it's better now than 'another time'. "Take the first step", as begins "the journey of a thousand miles", do not look back, find 'yourself', and make sure every step that follows, every day, is 'forward': replace every hindering thought with a forward one, which has times more power, until the latter becomes habit. When it does, it won't be necessary to look back and see how far you've come; it will be obvious. Your dreams may include that person, in not giving up your wish for their peace, which they, like you, must find on their own, as we all do; it isn't your job to complete their 'world'.

You're surrounded by the right people when you feel better in having been with them; when your energy is less or you feel worse by having given to anyone who does not understand, it serves no one in investing your time there. So there you have it: another lengthy variation on what’s already been said; arrangements of words speaks to each of us differently. Did I plan this? No. Does having said it bring on better feelings? Yes. Will those take us closer to where we want to be? Yes. Best to all.