'Traumatic Bonding'

The topic is an ongoing conversation; it's shocking how many still don't 'get it', and continue to place children in the hands of such individuals with no protection or safeguards in place. Other family being removed from children's lives only adds to the damage that compounds over time until who the child becomes is altogther different than who they may have become otherwise. Nothing can compensate for relatives who have become ill or passed on from the resulting isolation and lack of recognition or support. A child's identity is limited by lack of exposure to those who represent strong ties to positive and lasting legacies that the loss of time substantially erodes or causes complete evaporation in instances of death. Unaccountability continues, though not for all.

Below is taken from but one resource that's only a few pages from dozens that are available and documented, yet many in systems that "serve" families are either unaware of the facts, listen to what they're told, or don't bother to find out themselves. Thousands of lives have been lost or seriously diminished across the country as a result. Countless others remain at risk. Apologies for the lack of an upbeat tone this month. Contrast is part of the process.

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/why-do-you-stay-traumatic-bonding-and.html

…helplessness and a lack of resources can be contributing factors it is time we look at the bond created by severe, prolonged trauma.

Traumatic bonding was first recognized and acknowledged during a hostage incident in Stockholm, Sweden. Authorities were amazed that the hostages refused to cooperate with them and actually saw law enforcement as the villains. What they were witnessing was the hostage's identification with the hostage taker. Authorities were even more shocked when the hostages refused to testify against their captors and one of the women later married him. While hostages may bond after a matter of hours batterers usually have many years with the victims without any interference or intervention.

This bond occurs because the well being of a child, a hostage, or woman depends upon the hostage taker or the batterer. If a batterer has total control over money, safety, peace and happiness then it is in their best interest to keep him happy.

This bond is not only in the best interest of the perpetrator but is, at times, in the best interest of the victim and is frequently necessary for survival. If a hostage is argumentative they are more likely to be injured. If a hostage taker dislikes the victim their likelihood of [harm] increases.

We often berate victims for staying in relationships and can't understand how it happened. A controlling man does not take a woman out and beat on the first date. We all put on our best face when we initially meet people, and batterers are no different. If he beat on the first date there would be no second. She has no history or investment in the relationship and wouldn't tolerate it. His taking control is a gradual process.

Battered hostages and prisoners of war will share some of the same experiences. Some of these shared experiences are that they are degraded, debilitated, they experience the constant threat of violence, the violence is intermittent, their are occasional indulgences, the captor demonstrates omnipotence, isolation etc...

The dynamics involved in domestic violence can be demonstrated by what's called The Power And Control Wheel by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP). It's interesting because when we compare Bidermans Chart of Coercion by Amnesty International with the Power and Control Wheel they are almost identical. (Bidermans Chart of Coercion is how Amnesty International documented the techniques of the Communist Chinese, KGB, etc. )

There are many types of service providers coming in contact with [those] who are still unaware of why women stay. These service providers are unable to address the bigger picture due to a lack of information. The inability to address this issue creates many problems. Law enforcement, and much of society, still blames women for defending their [abusers], unaware of the fact that not only is defending [them] in their best interest, but the bond itself reduces [harm]. The victims are not given the information they need to deal with the bond they feel and therefore attribute their perplexing feelings to "love." Allowing them [or] children, to continue in traumatic relationships.

"I am asking that we rethink our approach to domestic violence based on the fact that a traumatic bond is occurring and that the bond itself must be taken into consideration and dealt with.


STOCKHOLM SYNDROME THEORY
Stockholm Syndrome primarily develops under the following conditions:

Victim perceives the abuser as a threat to their survival, physically or psychologically.

Victim perceives the abuser as showing them some kindness, however small.

Victim is kept isolated from others.

Victim does not perceive a way to escape from the abuser.

Victim focuses on the abuser's needs.

Victim sees world from abuser's perspective.

Victim perceives those trying to help them as the "bad guys" and the abuser as the "good guys."

Victim finds it difficult to leave the abuser even when it is OK to do so.

Victim fears the abuser will come back to get them, even if he is dead or in prison.

Victim shows signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) including depression, low self-esteem, anxiety reactions, paranoia and feelings of helplessness, and recurring nightmares and flashbacks."