Sara Hacala: Author

I don't do New Year's resolutions, though for the purpose of a common cause I will follow and advise an implementation that was not outwardly suggested in Ms. Hacala's book: one for each corresponding week of the year (52). The absence of a suggestion is a very nuanced form of politeness, true to Ms. Hacala's upbringing, background, and character that is effectively mirrored in how she lays out what anyone would require in directly and personally changing the world, one person at a time, one simple act at a time.

The book is called Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude, and Attitude for a Polite Planet. It could not be more timely; it is the missing link to what is required to save us globally on many levels.

Ironically (or not), the award winning documentary Waiting for Superman which focuses on the educational system in our country also targets how the system here has declined (thus our national strength) from the absence of quality education, from which how children, teachers, and parents relate to each other cannot be extricated from such elements in effective communication that leads to the full spectrum from which all social actions evolve and are reflected in our media, technology, political actions, economics, and all forms of violence that result from verbal aggressiveness. This brushstroke does not do justice to the principles from which Ms. Hacala draws her dots that can all be connected from the same origins, carried out in daily life from schools to street communication to traffic to public policy, the workplace, and our government. It is fascinating to read how far back the stories go that have led to what can be consciously reversed, just in the way we communicate.

More will be discussed here on this topic and the book itself in this post. For now and in wishing all a prosperous and peacefull New Year I will simply commit to the same also being featured one year from now in review of what has taken place one week at a time. I you'd like one of the best resolution books of the year while your holiday time concludes, Saving Civility is a recommended best pick.

Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude and Attitude for a Polite Planet by Sara Hacala

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Timing is everything. Met Sara personally at one of her signings just in time for the New Year. I don't make New Year's resolutions, though given that there were 52 transforming points Sara deftly and extensively researched in each of her highlighted short chapters/points, there are also 52 weeks in the year...

The book (available in softcover) provides an ideal platform for both self transformation and 'one at a time making a difference in the world'. Focused, it takes around three weeks of deliberate concentration to add(self improvement)or get rid of a habit (general well-being), according to Mark Victor Hansen and his colleagues (1+1 = 11).

The information provided is both informative and practical. The fringe benefits provided by the author's historical backgrounds of human interactions is as fascinating in the beginning of the book as are what she continues to provide in each of her continuing points throughout the book. Highly recommended. Thanks, Sara; looking forward to staying in touch... JM



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'My Kilimanjaro'

Current wisdom in certain 'enlightened circles' says things are just as they should be, which I continually question and challenge when it comes to children, women, and those who needlessly and helplessly suffer at the hands of others through either confinement, culture, politics, condoned oppression in general, and laws that are either nonexistent to protect them or completely ignored when they do exist. That's it in a nutshell. Realizing this first hand the hard way has taken life in a direction previously unimaginable. I'll be doing this in one form or another for life; it would be a miracle to go away in my lifetime if I survive into old age, as what goes on in this country alone that gets kept out of the media is a life's work of itself.

The same principles that apply to a documentary movie such as Inside Job apply to all systems in this country today. Those of the other party demonize the current administration's inability to make much progress or allege worse. Those of the same party say it was sabotaged, bought, and paid for before the president took office, leaving him to function with one hand behind his back and hopping on one leg at best. The truth is it began long ago and has taken any moral or ethical model once claimed to one of all but complete non-credibility elsewhere on the globe. The country has sold out its own and created a culture so entrenched in the darkest forms of capitalism that there is a monetary value on every human life. People are defined by either their income, 'net worth', or status to be bought or sold in the marketplace.

There are slave trades and trafficking as well here almost no one hears about. The other forms of trafficking are abuses of law that keep people employed, such as children in the juvenile justice system who get or remain locked up to keep prisons open and their staffs working to the tune of over six figures per child per year when treatments appropriate for them cost a fraction of that.

Those in the system without a conscience keep an income by exploiting children and robbing them of their childhoods and futures from extended and inappropriate litigation so that the person who is either "worth" or pays more is permitted to control the process either outright or they are parroted by those who claim to represent children. Anything written down can be completely fabricated as on a child's behalf when the words were paid for by either questionable sources or unregulated misallocated yet claimed funding streams against both the child and any other family "worth less". A child's life can be placed in ongoing danger, 'sold' to the one with 'the most'. It happens every day somewhere in this country.

The work seems to have only just begun. This leaves similar practices in the rest of the world for others to take on, as many have. There are countries where women and other family members remain property. Without going into detail, which may be elsewhere in this blog, constitutionally people are still property in the U.S. or it's treated as such in practice. Day after day someone says they thought they were alone in their experience or what was happening as unthinkable was only happening to them. They are either isolated, unable to reach out for help, or have extended themselves as a last resort only to discover those in 'helping' positions can either only do so much or what they're in for could take years, if they survive.

That's the broad brushstroke. I've taken a position to record for others what no one told me when it may have helped more. It's become an enterprise that will be part of a legacy I've carried on from my grandfather and other inspirational family members of the past two generations. It's a purpose that's chosen, as all purposes are. Part of the mission is to let others know to pick a purpose sooner rather than later. It often comes from tragedy or the same of someone close to you, which seems to be the way of human nature. Those who have not faced death or the prospect of something close to it in one or more lifechanging moments often go about life letting it 'happen to them', as opposed to making life happen for themselves and others, all in a good way. Those without a voice that's heard as things are for them don't deserve life taken from them; giving them a voice is a purpose.

The next step is to exemplify this not only in daily life. To take a physical form outside of one person in many forms serves to provide symbolism, comfort, inspiration, tools, and ideas to those able to reach out and take action on behalf of themselves and others in forms limited only by their collective imaginations. In other words, to provide a platform for something limitless that grows exponentially into the next generation so that it may thrive can keep someone alive.

According to Inside Job, this generation is the first in history to have less than the one before with a fewer practical tools for building positive prosperous lives at their disposal despite what advances in technology continue to occur. Access has a price, too. Many take it for granted. They're not just the 1%; they're a big chunk of the 99% who aren't all bad, yet not all good either. That's common sense, which is also a gift that not everyone has. A person without a conscience or common sense can get far in the world with others' resources without looking back or caring who has been harmed by their actions; it's just all in a day's work for them. Many don't leave the planet happy or having known how to live other than taking from others, which isn't a life for a human. Parasites and cancer take life as well; it's not much different in the grand scheme of things.

To understand and appreciate good, many say evil will always exist somewhere. If it went away completely we will have created our own heaven. Unthinkable? Maybe not in my lifetime; maybe someday. Maybe because of something we did, collectively, by choice. To stand at the top of Kilimanjaro is not a goal for me; inspiring someone else to want to is imaginable. What they inspire others to do is limitless. Causing such a chain reaction is a legacy. Reversing the negative domino effect that exists today in such a way is the mountain for me. I'm grateful to still have the legs for it, now and for as far as they'll take me and those I can include.

Anniversary

Looked in other posts for this same month for the life of this blog; it has to have been mentioned before, though not necessarily.

On this day twelve years ago someone else was told besides my mother a child was on the way. A blessing, a gift, an intervention.

That child is out for the holiday tonight, dressed as Homer Simpson. The temperature is only slightly cooler than the night was when the announcement of his upcoming birth was made. It seems like a long time ago, though some feelings are like yesterday.

He is the inspiration for everything now, having given life a new purpose just by existing. His personality and natural gifts are still developing, yet already he's exceptional, and not just because of who he became the child of.

It was in another post my inability to speak when he made one of the most profound statements I've ever heard to the effect that no matter who or when he was born to, he would have been the child I had, regardless of when, how, or with whom.

He probably doesn't remember saying that now, though I will remind him. I'm not sure he realized what he was saying then, or where it was coming from. He's too far away now, geographically that is. It can't last long. It has tested our bond, yet more of concern are the realities of the way things have been that do not recognize why there has been so much that's presently not only unnatural. It's a test of strength and nature, imposed by flawed humans blind to all but potential profit.

Children are not commodities, yet they're traded every day with no regard to what may be imposed or await; how it affects the child and family irreversibly under even bearable circumstances, as if there was such a thing when profit trumps human life. It happens in this country in less obvious ways than the media allows common households to see.

So every year when this day rolls around is bittersweet. What happened within the week after the announcement, and in the years that followed have taken more than one life in a completely different direction. The child has not been the centerpoint, or there would be more health, peace, and sense of family, for everyone involved.

Entitlement and conditioning blinds some that others exist that their decisions and arrogance affect, which cannot last. Elitism that what one must have or control above all else and at the expense of others also goes against nature and must diminish and bring to the forefront those they have sought to diminish, in the short term, only for nature to eventually bring the lesson around at some point. A childhood cannot be lost from the simple will and domino effect of poor intentions and incentives.

This would not be wished on an enemy. Part of the purpose is to bring it to light, so that other lives will not be bartered, sold, or diminished.

The child remains the light, with a soul that's true, a representation for what comes next: their legacy. In the tradition and by the example of those he is familiar with yet hasn't met, his life will continue the legacy of those who existed so that his life would be richer and that he remains strong.

Another day in another year, each irreplaceable, each significant, each a holiday, as is every day he laughs, smiles, and understands his own definition of love as it evolves with time, experience, and exposure to everything his life will touch.

Neurons

The Nature or Nurture theory has for some time now been proven that DNA changes daily. In other words, environment is everything. We are all a product of our surroundings. In children with rapidly developing brains, there are billions of connections in synapses being made daily according to responses to different stimuli that can be either positive or negative, shaping perceptions for the future, permanently.

The absence of positive stimuli leaves connections that break from any past positive associations if not regularly reinforced. No stimuli to respond to causes the related synapses to break or die away, to be replaced by other connections that are more prevalent or dominant in the present environment.

This has recently been illustrated in The Secret Life of the Brain, a PBS video by a well know documentary director with a track record on many subjects not related to medical research or developments. In a provided interview, he stated the high standards in producing for PBS, so his reputable style transferred to informative, demonstrable images and stories.

In one form or another, the visual (a PBS DVD) has already been widely published in a significant number of related materials having to do with children, the life cycle, and the aging. The brain develops continually into old age if properly or positively stimulated. The brain fully matures as 'adult' at around age 25. Some associations or memories can be repressed, buried, or 'forgotten' (apart from disease) by traumatic events and other forms of conditioning that can be either immediate and short term, or ongoing. The latter is most closely related to environment.

A child in one environment will behave and respond one way, including physiological responses that manifest in overall well-being or health. If that same child is sent to a radically different environment where the previous positive comforts or reinforcements no longer exist or are drastically changed, certain behaviors and physiological processes begin to occur. Some can be reversed, while others cannot. Length of exposure is a factor.

The responses are textbook or signature of the developmental cumulative trauma responses in children, yet largely ignored or misunderstood. If a child acts out where they feel safe, as in school or with others apart from the environment that is the source of the trauma (where they feel unsafe and therefore cannot behave in any way other than what is 'expected'), where they must alone do whatever is necessary in order to survive, emotionally, psychologically, or physically, it is often regarded as the 'fault' of the environment where the responses take place.

The source is sometimes considered in schools, where the phenomenon is not unfamiliar and witnessed by more than one person on more than one child from different families. Yet when this takes place with a family member or in another home away from the source of tension or original trauma, the environment where the responses are released becomes inappropriately suspect. There are no witnesses to reveal the manifestation process of behaviors, and the original environment is usually either 'unavailable' or those who contributed to the ongoing conditions deny or additionally blame where the responses took place. After all, the child is 'well behaved' in a negative environment or place where they are afraid on one or multiple levels. The consequences for 'getting out of line' result in the child being restricted more with every small 'infraction', which compounds according to the number of persons 'enforcing rules' in the environment, or other 'disciplinary measures' that go unchecked indefinitely.

This creates high levels of stress hormones in a child's body in addition to the complete dormancy or deadening of neural or synapse connections in the brain associated with healthy responses, optimism, or an ability to think clearly for themselves. Not being reinforced their own ability or past coping skills that have gone unnurtured for extensive periods, all responses are about potential consequences or the source of stress and their likely reactions rather than an ability to feel at peace in their own choices.

Confusion, frustration, negativity, cynicism, weight fluctuations, head and stomach aches begin to surface where a child may at times be able to express themselves honestly with another caregiver or competent school staff member. Expressing oneself honestly often comes in the form of the releasing of repressed anger and resentment towards those for whom the child has less fear, as well as self blame and plummeting self confidence from long term influences of general negativity, inappropriate blame for adult responsibilities, and sometimes aggressive 'acquisition' of what is 'forbidden' in the source or more oppressive environment. Excessive wants and appetites result from arguments or insistence of needs for toys that are 'age inappropriate' to increased consumption that is a result of severely restricted food regimes or long periods between meals.

In many lives, these patterns become a permanent part of the child's personality into adulthood. Negative behaviors transform what was a previously happy, well-adjusted and healthy child to one with negative personality traits that mirror the source of primary stress and other forms of coping that became habit for sheer survival. Most everyone the child comes into contact with accept the child where they are upon any encounter with the exception of those who may have known the child prior to the change. The entire phenomenon is natural and understandable if the timeline of events and responses are appropriately monitored. Unchecked or taken out of context without knowledge of causal events, those who encounter the child do what they can with the behaviors or responses they observe at 'face value'.

Giving the 'right answer' to 'authority figures' is a survival mechanism. The consequences of an honest answer are either too frightening or the child has so lost touch with his or her own identity that how they may really feel is obscured even to them. Everything is to 'please', because their personalities or personal wants have become secondary to those who make all the rules that cannot be broken, or else. This cycle can repeat itself from one generation to another, when the models for adult behavior prohibit or prevent any basis for comparison of healthy collaborative interaction that isn't about power, control, or excessive acquisition in terms of relationship dynamics.

People become 'pawns' or means to gain. Children who have experienced both types of individuals among their attachments develop forms of self-hatred for feeling they cannot control what they have been most strongly influenced to model for sheer survival when desired responses become habits that repeat in their behaviors that conflict with their more positive inclinations or attachments that have not been completely forgotten or suppressed.

We all know someone like this, who was once a child. The ones with hope had early positive and nurturing environments. Those who have existed in negative environments from birth have been most at risk in our society. Conscience and healthy interaction have been all but completely absent for most of their lives. There are no associations in neural synapses for behavior about anything other than survival or collaborative interaction that includes empathy. Another term for some of these adults is sociopath. If environment is the source, the predisposition is more illustrative, when recognized and understood. It is less often that genetic inclinations play a large part, thought they also exist.

It's heartbreaking, and preventable, to watch the unfolding of repetition from one generation to another. Ironically, the education is accessible to everyone, yet goes unexplored by those appointed to children in times of crisis. Empathy or well-rounded knowledge on what affects children most do not appear to be required experience systemically where so many children go from at risk to mere 'statistics'. There is too much reliance on either popular wisdom, internal politics, or inappropriate monetary incentives that affect position retention.

There is nothing to be lost in becoming familiar with what affects our lives directly having to do with the next generation. Everyone loses more than feelings associated with peace and comfort from the neural level. Lives are lost, sometimes our own or those closest to us. It's not 'what happens to other people'; it's everywhere. To remain ignorant or blind harms everyone, and is only felt by many if the consequences are direct and explosive, when the timebombs have been in front of us all along.

Hope

A mentor once told me along with one of our groups in the recent past that half the world's population cooks its food over an open flame without secure or full time shelter. Watching One Peace At a Time and the story of the Glimmer of Hope organization brougnt this into full living color, as I watched women and children's lives entirely sacrificed to walking hours daily just for water. No education; staying alive was the constant maintenance of a water supply carried on their backs, every day, all day, to and from. What they collect in unsanitary vessels is muddy and often ridden with parasites. Many children don't live until their fifth birthday.

The Glimmer of Hope organization is dedicated to creating wells and ongoing water supplies for such communities. One well costs three thousand dollars; the communities build them themselves with the stones or materials purchased, and they are then free to think beyond daily survival and sickness to clean water and opportunities for education. Those of all ages sit in the same classroom, learning to read for the first time. Lessons are in their language and English simultaneously.

The movie (2009) also brought to light that there is enough food in the world to feed everyone; the problem is barriers to access that are both physical and political. This is no surprise. It's the first concise illustration that included interviews with seven Nobel prize winners that we can in this generation collectively and deliberately end world poverty, without those 'in power' "losing" anything. It's a mindset, known as well. Gratitude to Turk Pipkin for this timely and valuable compilation that illustrates what other related or similar documentaries have commendably attempted yet failed to do. It was a collection of messages from the hearts of the planet's highest thinkers and scholars, with examples of what's working, and how to do more, simply, deliberately, and effectively.

In text across the screen just over a minute were how many children were dying of hunger as the text was read. As this is being written, every five words a child dies of hunger. The movie was also effective in its use of humor and pacing. How it can be cool to promote family planning education in an appealing and profitable way that also contributes to a community economy as well, sitting in the restaurant of the founder and owner who appears like anything but the kind of guy one would picture offering ample supplies every day of free contraception, making a good living, and having found or created a lasting purpose.

Have researched this type of world advancing for a number of years now. The filmmaker has succeeded in putting an effective number of best practices in one place, and shown that anyone who chooses a purpose can do the same in a noble and respectable way for both themselves and future generations.

What is the best of both worlds? Why do separate worlds exist? It's mostly perception. It takes more conscious choice to save more lives, and the film shows just how little collective yet deliberate effort is required to save lives and preserve futures in a short amount of time.

Yes, we have hidden problems in our own backyards, even in Texas where the project and another highlighted organization are based. It is another place we must begin and continue for our own children, with the rest of the globe in our peripheral vision, because there are also the storm clouds.

Without taking care of our own or pushing to have our country represent what others have, there is neither credibility or a firm position that our country practices what it stands for. An example is not signing or ratifying the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. The U.S. and Somalia remain in non-participation. Somalia has no government. Ours in many ways is systemically broken. We cannot be strong until what has been swept under the rug is brought to light and addressed. Those who have been affected by unlawful practices know this all too well. Those engaging in it aren't fooling anyone, not in the long term. Short terms gains are acquired by compromising or permanently damaging entire childhoods or breaking families. It can't last.

Thanks for the movie. It's time for some accountability. Many empowered in younger generations are better equipped and informed than those who have contributed to the ruin left for others to clean up. Cable channels appear to have consumed and brainwashed most everyone in distracting their attention from how the world works.

Those working the world aren't watching cable; they're out preparing for what's next. When or if cameras come out for those spectating who have living rooms with TV screens, the ones changing the world are usually too busy to notice, though they're gracious enough to provide a few moments or practical wisdom when possible. There's no question who's really doing the 'living', so that more can live with health and the promise of a future of opportunity: everything every child has a right to, including their children, too.

‘Older’

“Life begins at 40.” Not anymore. According to recent media proliferation, “50 is the new 30”. A life began at 40, for the first time: a child. No previous pregnancies (that I’m aware of); had ‘given up’ on the prospect of becoming a mother and was beginning to look into ‘alternative parenting options’.

Then it happened, or something started that would forever change identity and perspective. In many ways profound and significant, in others, disillusioning regarding relationships and the scope of ‘human nature’.

Purpose took shape, in a way that will define the other perhaps half century to follow. The legacy at work is merely a continuation of the examples of role models that inspired and created the most positive experiences that existed in childhood.

It remains difficult to grasp, now that taking care of one’s health has moved to the forefront after not shadowing the threshold of a doctor’s domain for nearly ten years. Most of the people administering medical maintenance are younger, doctors included. Some look older; others are obviously not. This is where not feeling my age begins to all but scream.

I feel just over 30; my body speaks otherwise. I’ve the energy to keep up with my child when fully ambulatory. By the same token the energy also comes from a young life that looks to me for inspiration, validation, and explanations of things he can’t understand. Most of the time, the answers are to his satisfaction. Most of the time, our relationship is deepened on what matters most.

The most frustrating part about personal ‘health care’ is the time consumption. In offices where you don’t want to be takes up days of valuable time that would otherwise be spent on further advancing one’s life, and the lives of all others affected, especially my child, for whom the quest was entirely created.

Those in ‘retirement’ don’t have this concern. I’m close to the age where going to a doctor has become part of a monthly routine for some, as if it were some lifestyle activity. I look forward so much to when it tapers down to what might be ‘normal’ for who I consider myself to be at this point in life: very active and someone who doesn’t look or feel their age.

When I was as vibrant as a few of the women I’ve observed sticking needles in, taking them out, or some other related function, it wasn’t on my radar that those I serviced would one day be someone like me: someone who was once like them at an earlier point in life. We don’t typically think that way. What we become when we’re ‘older’ is a transformation that is either an extension of an earlier life, someone completely unrecognizable from their ‘youth’, or something in between.

The unsettling thing is how quickly it happens. I can remember when my child was an infant as if it were yesterday. The joy was so overwhelming, and so fleeting, as what would not be wished on even an ‘enemy’ began to transpire, and it was all I could do in simply remaining active in protecting the precious and special life that had been brought into the world for a reason.

It became the protection of a life and a purpose: his. It is ongoing. He is not the same child before the negative forces of human nature ‘out there’ left an indelible mark. To dwell on it would be too devastating. Moving on daily is all that can be done, until the lights are brighter and the road ahead is clearer.

It’s easier to accept that those administering my ‘health care’ or ‘maintenance’ are years my junior than my child losing sight of his purpose from influences that have their own interests as ‘priorities’. He has responsibility imposed upon him that is not his, thus taking responsibility for things that are not about him, affecting his emotions, actions, and choices. It has become ingrained to the point of being reflexive: everything I took action to prevent what he could be exposed to, a broken system only exposed him more. He has become a commodity, an acquisition, a showpiece, motivated by pleasing those he must to survive on many levels when away from what was created during his earlier years.

He has not lost sight of that, though the longer or more he is elsewhere, the impressions fade. Who he is fades under the glare of ‘surviving’ at an age when he is most vulnerable. He is alone with unanswered questions and thoughts no one can explain to his satisfaction, so he doesn’t bother asking most of the time. His responses are signature, though no one sees or listens when it’s actually happening.

Exceptional children are reinforced consistently of both their abilities, what they can do in the world and when. In the absence of the former, confusion and internal conflicts arise; long term implications are not realized. All kinds of signature symptoms appear, that seem to be only obvious to competent professionals: those obscured from true protection of those they’re trained to represent.

The spinning is all for profit and status, and a young innocent life is the means. He’s not the only one. He didn’t come into the world for this. What’s done cannot be undone, though there is still hope. “What goes around comes around” has meaning for a reason. It can’t go on forever.

Those my age are established, having created empires that will long support their heirs. Most had lots of help in some form or another. Being everything to one person is not profitable unless a team is also in place. An example of healthy relationships exists, though they’re so rare. A glimpse and reference point is to remain constant, or another life could be sacrificed from others’ needs, that either come with a price, or can be bought.

The cause of true aging? Negativity is one, which isn’t me. Wasted time is another, also not me. Stereotyping on a systemic level doesn’t help. Apathy clouded by profit incentives doesn’t either. Being too affected by others contributes (not me again).

Which leaves what? The ‘forties’ in some ways were an oblivious blur, mixed with joy and unmatched anguish, all because of a child coming into the world, defining a purpose of his own and shaping yet another: keeping the former, among other things inextricably connected.

I’m not envious of those who had the kind of support where they could move ahead much earlier, like those who now stick needles and other things into me on occasion. I embraced the term ‘late bloomer’ long ago, yet didn’t imagine that it could only be beginning now. I’m now and forever a mom first, and all that follows is merely an extension of that identity, for a reason.

You may be reading this at an age a couple of decades prior to midlife. Know this: it will be here sooner than you expected. Procrastination is a luxury no one can afford because time is the ultimate commodity. A child to a certain kind of parent puts into razor focus the value of time. To others, it creates resentment imposed upon children for which they can neither escape nor take away the permanent effects. No ‘damages’ can compensate for what has been taken away, if or when identified.

Single or without children doesn’t mean actions do not affect. Everyone you come into contact with is either a parent or someone whose life influences the next generation, thus your legacy as well. That ‘wings of a butterfly’ ripple effect concept? Believe it. And that’s just on a ‘regular’ day, as if there really was such a thing.

Uncertainty...

... is a reality, daily. We only really only have one day at a time, and making the most of every day is a duty for some, and unrealized by others. It can become taxing, however, when knowing this becomes the routine, and packing in as much as possible so as not to procrastinate and get as much done as possible takes its own toll.

I don't know when it happened, but it did; there are hundreds of times that triggers were set off, when having too much adrenalin in the system at an elevated level for too long had its effect. Statistics already in one way, there is no intention to become one in yet another way.

So the willingness to really live continues, and has taken on yet another meaning. It's all for my child and the next generation. I do deserve to live, and to have a good life as well, to be able to enjoy my child while they still wish for my presence, and perhaps enjoy grandchildren, too. If not my own, then others'.

I can take this, it's almost easy compared to the slings and arrows of years and months past. I don't understand those who thrive on news of others' misfortunes; there's enough to go around for everyone, and everyone can do something that others cannot. The world is still in a very primitive mode, where it could otherwise prosper in many ways.

The only dream now is real quality time with my child and family, as much as possible for as long as possible. For that to happen, things must change.

There's no reason not to think this won't happen; it's just taken so long, and so much. Mistakes have been made that have harmed others sometimes with no knowledge on the part of who was responsible for the domino effect. Others knew exactly what they were doing and didn't care. What goes around comes around? I'm not sure it's true or if it happens in time. The casualties cannot be brought back to life; the time cannot be replaced.

If it's all happening for a reason, I hope to find out before long. My child's laugh and smile are renewing, and make work so much easier and rewarding. Focus and concentration are of so much better quality when it's certain he's safe, whenever those moments happen. Those in between can seem like an eternity. He was put here for a reason, as was I, there is still much we have to do, together.

" Interest "

My feet are on the ground. I've begun to watch as time permits episodes from a half century before when I wasn't even born yet the amazing talent of someone I've respected and admired from 'far away' for most of this lifetime.

The opportunity has existed many times; simply never thought of it until the writing became 'official', which is selected very strategically in terms of audiences and exposure in paving the way for multiple venues and greater exposure at a managed, momentum building pace. There's a method to the madness.

I thought we had so little in common before, apart from thinking the same things are funny. One of us was born with an irreplaceable talent to actually show the world what funny really is and somehow took the opportunity and initiative to exploit that talent at a very early age. He has helped so many with so much, if only to make more smiles happen; hundreds of thousands. It's an enviable legacy, from a living legend.

The other of us simply became aware of the former in elementary school, or after, to be accurate. Rolling in the floor laughing in front of the television as if there was nothing to worry about, forgetting whatever there might be to run from or be afraid of. I was transported to a world of other possibilities that had not been known before. No one else has ever had the same effect before or since.

It was all but completely unconscious. A seed was planted, and the memories carried me through difficulties, from simply watching television during more innocent times when the media was not so proliferated with things that today are more that keep people away from participating in life than showing them there's another kind of world out there where things can be discovered and lots of clean fun can be had. We were shown what fun could be by a master, born with a special gift, who could share so much of their talent and energy in the right place at the right time. Was the talent and timing luck, or destiny?

Showing the world many unique and irreplaceable gifts came with a price. I'm not sure at this moment if it has been worth that price, as a personal opinion from the source, not that I would agree or disagree. He has been given many more years than his contemporaries, for which I am extremely grateful, as are countless others.

What disappoints today is that not enough who are alive now appreciate the sacrifices of those who have given of themselves so much with more talent in their eyelashes than most who attempt the craft in the years that have passed since, and actually gotten publicity or made a decent living in comedy or entertainment who pale in comparison to the depth and breadth of those who carved the paths they take for granted, with far fewer gifts. Even more amazing is that some have become well known themselves by exploiting or packaging what the media currently sells at the expense of innocence, pure clean fun, or life affirming, respectable abilities.

What ever happened to exemplary? Where have all the role models gone? Even if the talent can't be matched, who inspires us to find and use what we were born with that can't be replaced? Where has that integral value gone, or why is it so suppressed in what generations since have been saturated with? Deconstructing this has become personal; my legacy will be taking it back to the future, or I'll die in the doing of it, content that the purpose was discovered from the inspiration of those like a master who had it and took it to the limit.

I'm usually not blunt, and negative only when absolutely necessary; the truth has to come out sooner or later. Sometimes the truth can be funny. It is when done well. And so few really can. There are never enough of those with that kind of talent. To expose the truth in a way we can handle it, while making us laugh at the same time or close enough to matter.

I have talent, though not that kind. I can expose the truth, though not make you laugh at the same time. Once in awhile I'll hit it. It's usually unplanned and spontaneous. In the right place at the right time, though no one could have known ahead of time.

There's still no comparison to my original inspiration, on many levels. It's everything to do with where I am now, and where he is too. Earlier I wouldn't have known what to say, or ask, other than the stuff he's already heard so many times from others. Why didn't I think to ask before? Timing. Also a secret of great comedy.

Is there such a thing as losing time? Often. When is it meant to be? I'll be pondering that question for some time to come. I see so much suffering from so many innocents; it's become part of what I do. A big part. It's been part of who he is since before I was born. Only when I realized this is a common purpose from different perspectives did the light bulb go on, as if it weren's happening for awhile already.

He had the spark that lit the fire, back when I was only a little pilot light. I didn't even know it at the time; he may have even kept me alive. I promised my grandfather's spirit I would carry on his legacy. Especially because he wouldn't have expected it. For this same reason, and in the same spirit, the candle will be brighter to have been lit from an original. Lights will be brighter because they were combined.

At this moment, it's nice just to know it's possible, and that's there's an interest in doing just that. It isn't happening until it's happening. I remain grateful, and look forward to being close to another great light, toward the inspiration of generations that follow us.

"Change"

There's no such thing as 'overwhelm'; "If you want to get something done, ask a busy person."

Was just online for hours doing research after an intense meeting that involved conversation about misdiagnosed kids and broken systems. Having a plan is one sure cure for 'ADD' or ADHD on the part of both kids, and parents.

I find myself saying constantly to the kids I work with that if I'd had someone to tell me now was the time to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life when I was their age, things would be different now.

Parents don't want to be parents, and the ones that do get very little real support when it matters or the quality of what is available is all about resources and access to them. That was at the heart of the conversation. It's not so much about wealth or the perception of it as it is about genuine caring. Numbers in the form of people with a common voice can sometimes do much more than financial incentives that corrupt people, organizations, and systems.

There are tradeoffs. Access to information and preparation is everything, including implementation and timing. We can't control the weather any more than we can control others' moods, though how we respond to each respectively is everything.

There are things that happen that we're not responsible for; we are responsible for our reactions to them. Ignorance can precipitate 'bad choices'. Emotion or fear can cloud all best possible judgments, as can bias or apathy.

Timing is everything, most of the time. And children's lives tick away by the minute that demands huge responsibility on the part of everyone who touches every moment of their young lives. Labeling is no help if you don't understand root causes. Training with huge gaps in other disciplines and misinterpretations of symptoms of both children and cultures affect lifetimes. We are responsible for who we choose to be in contact with, and the quality of communication determines the quality of outcomes. It can take another person's life in one direction or another, for better, or for worse.

Think twice before you speak, and if you don't know, a delayed answer is better than a wrong one. If more were held accountable for the effects of what they say to or around others, things would be different. Some laws are worth no more than the paper they're written on: a result of a different or uninformed agenda. Laws are passed and ignored every day. Documentation to justify a bad decision: there are as many of those as there are appropriate justifications. It just has to do with where you're standing or observing from.

A child or person who cannot handle change is sometimes right, and sometimes wrong; what's the big picture? Where are they coming from, and what's going on in their world, really?

If you're not qualified to answer, don't, for the benefit of those both directly and degrees of separation away. There's always another way to see things, always another side undiscovered. Out of sight and out of mind is only a perception issue. When you are not seeing the results of your past and present interactions, they're still happening, and it's a reflection of what you've said or done, of what you knew, or didn't know...

Letter to Sun

Hello, oh producer of all things light and wonderful in our world; I send you greetings, love, hugs, and kisses in whatever order you prefer today, or tomorrow, or yesterday;

You’re a light, wherever you go; rooms change when you enter them, most always for the better. You know your power more often than not. I hope you’re able to laugh as quickly as much as possible, and provide warmth of spirit for others. You’re always a gift; your existence was decided long before I knew you.

I hope this is harder for me than it is for you; there’s never been so much time before now that we haven’t seen each other. It feels very strange, and sometimes sad. If you feel I’m there whenever you need me, there could be some comfort in that, if it were entirely true. It may be enough at times, though not others

Someday there will be more to understand; someday it will be easier. Now just feels like the caretaker of your domain is doing their job, amongst all the talismans of where you came from. I’m the curator of your treasures, some material, some irreplaceable.

I’ve also not written you a letter like this before now. It probably won’t be the last, though the style will vary according to what’s going on. I hope sometimes what I send you causes you to smile or laugh; I do miss that laugh. Like you, it’s the best.

This isn’t typical necessarily of the way I write; just wanted you to know how close you’re felt at heart. You are at my heart always, part of all thought and conversation in one form or another. This the closest I can be for the moment to shouting from the rooftops how special you are. If I really did that, you’d likely pretend you didn’t know me, maybe.

Right now, just a hug might be good enough. I hope you can let me know if your’re hurt or scared in some way, for any reason. I promise to answer, or call you back as soon as I come out of the subway; please keep in mind that if you have to try to reach me in some way from a number I don’t know, it will likely go to message, so please leave one or don’t hang up.

Of course, wishing a hug isn’t good enough most of the time. When we’re apart for now, I hope you can feel a little better knowing you are the sun, and all that is light and exceptional that same way in our world.

Yesterday, today and forever,

Your Planet,

inhabited by flowers (especially daffodils: Grandpa's favorite), bunnies with floppy ears, faeries with sparkly smooth wings that glisten from your warm touch, and your favorite treats on lots of blooming trees and plants, including hugs and kisses from your mom.

P.S. When hugs and kisses can be picked from a tree or out of the ground whenever you want, what do they look like?


Written to a child far away who has related their environment is ‘unresponsive’ compared to the home where they grew up.

Manicure

He wanted to do my nails. He had picked out an electric blue at the store we were in together and asked for the polish. He knew from our already expansive collection the benefits of nail enamel as paint. I asked if he wanted me to put it on myself. He said yes. When I had arrived he said he liked a similar color I had on; had taken a chance he might not like it.

He had asked before, though we were always so pressed for time it was too difficult to have that moment and get to where we wanted to go in time for the next hour when our time would be over. This time, he asked, and I was happy to be able to oblige. It may or may not be the last time. Not because there won't be an opportunity; he's just at the age where one never knows what he might want to do, especially if he might not think it's up to an image he's decided to emulate for the day, experimenting with many as his identity as an older boy evolves.

He came over to where I was and took his first shot; I helped by coaching a little on technique. He had asked me before during an earlier trip if I would do his: the kind of clearcoat he saw sports celebrities wearing in the news during press conferences. That was fun, too. Now it was his turn; we had time. His accomplishment was almost as pride producing as the model vehicles we had created together to date, with more planned. They were his creation, on me, to remember him by every day for as long as it would last. He asked me to take the rest to our place, for future manicures or other creations that polish did a better job of than other paints.

He said words in combinations he'd not said before, unsolicited, out of the blue; no one could ask or wish for sweeter expressions.

I wonder what he will remember or what will stand out when he thinks back on moments like these when asking to do my nails will no longer be a first choice activity. There are so many photos I can't look at now from earlier times, and lately there aren't enough photos for all of the precious moments actually seen. Like me, he doesn't like to pose for pictures nearly as much as when he was smaller, and I have to put the camera away when he objects.

It may not be the last manicure, though many moments are irreplaceable. The homework that's actually fun that he saves for us to do together; the decks are cleared until it's finished, and all finished projects and accomplishments are a celebration, as is being together. Every day is a special occasion and lately he puts it into words out of nowhere much better than I can. It's one of his gifts. He's managed to know his worth, or be able to express it without coming across as arrogant or overly confident. He just knows or seems to know he's validated, though it's as fragile as a day of bad weather that makes a triumphant day seem far in the distance.

I hope I'm wrong; the effects last a lifetime from what we've been through together that have crept into the subconscious and surface again when shared bliss seems too far away or inaccessible when the world isn't so friendly and there's no one who understands within reach. The peace is missing when in those moments when we're apart it isn't known when those feelings come and if he would know what he could do, especially when there's less time to think, and something must be done. Those precious little moments are the glue that binds the thought process that leads to security and an ability to act. The uncertainty is an unannounced storm with an undetermined date, with an unknown inventory of survival supplies or training. There can be no real peace for a child in such an existence.

Violated, again

TSA NY: 2 Hands Up Crotch; threatened after 1st one, then again. 'Comply, or U'll B detained'. 5 legal ID's weren't OK: Laguardia.

It's also called re-victimization. Real victims are dead, or are they? Survivors are self-identified. I fall into the latter category, until it happens again.

Anyone who hasn't had anything worse or comparably 'bad' happen to them tend to call others 'self-identified victims', which can be true, up to a point. When violations over the course of time mount upon one another (no pun intended), month after month, year after year, the impact is irreversible, and seeps into the psyche, transforming one's identity, and perspective on the world. Reality is relative; every 'world view is different' there is sometimes no right or wrong; often there is.

What happened at the airport is inexcusable, the 'supervisor' had a sadomasochistic attitude, got off on 'power and control', insensitive to who she was groping or that exploiting her 'position' would set into motion further trauma from violations that began in childhood and continue to this day. It only comes back and becomes crippling when someone who uses the excuse of 'doing their job' imposes on the rights of others at will or on a perverted, sadistic whim, at the expense of a mother on her way to visit a child who has been through similar trauma, having disclosed what has happened in her absence.

What goes around comes around? Let's hope so, on both counts, and to all the others who project their 'needs', 'justified' in the false context of 'responsibility', onto those who cannot defend themselves.

Oh Crap

Thought of getting here three days ago, still much too late to make the usual time: a sign that a state of complete overwhelm has been in process.

There's a double meaning in the title. My son looks at me as if I'm cursing when I slip once in a blue moon using only the above. Makes sense, as in schools any semblance to unacceptable language is treated as if the most severe is uttered as well. He rarely hears me using 'inappropriate language' according to school standards, which is even a tame remote substitute to a real 'bad word'.

Being overheard with similar 'substitutes' when I was growing up was cause for nearly the most extreme reprimands and consequences, and corporal punishment was also not prohibited back then, either.

Now, from where he's been, he's developed his own 'vocabulary' that gets 'slipped' on me considerably more often than any he may overhear from me, fully aware that it doesn't fly in school either, yet he can't help himself. The exposure has taken over.

It's a direct response to the times, though moreso where he's been that I haven't, and have no wish or desire to ever go, behind closed doors.

It's not discouraged, and he has no shield of any kind. I can see the pain in his face when it happens with others when we're together, yet he still tries to stop me from any expression of rightful dissatisfaction if a public tirade from an extremely unenlightened member of the 'public' becomes disrespectful of both themselves and every one else around them by spewing obscenities unceasingly, oblivious to all children, women, and elders around them.

When PG movies came out, the same was the marker; now it takes much more, and current ratings of the former are full of what was intolerable or not rated as such only a decade ago.